I'm afraid to tell my parents that they will swear a lot. How to tell your parents about a bad grade in your diary
Photo: Artem Ustyuzhanin / website
Spring conscription begins on April 1. On the eve of the draft, we met with the chairman of the Committee of Soldiers' Mothers of the Sverdlovsk Region Marina Lebedeva. She told why the spring conscription is easier for conscripts than the autumn conscription, is it worth it to parents to send money to conscripts and what to do if the son complains about hazing.
The admissions committee is located in a small one-room apartment in the city center on Lunacharsky Street. During reception hours on Thursdays, there are always many visitors.
- Marina Mitrofanovna, do they address you in Syria? Mothers and wives of those who were sent there?
No, fortunately. Only contractors go there, they deliberately go there. Mature adults. Officers. Conscripts do not have the right to send to another state. Contractors can be sent from the very first days of the contract, they know what they are doing.
- Just now a young man came to your appointment, after graduation he wants to conclude a contract right away ...
They won't send him anywhere. Why and who needs him there in Syria ?! They need professionals, officers. What happened 20 years ago, when they wanted to take Chechnya with one regiment, was connected with the confusion in the state, in the Ministry of Defense. Now there is no such thing.
People come to you with problems, sometimes with tragedies. You can compare how the army has changed over the years. What we went for before, what we went for now.
If we take a period of twenty years, when we just started working, and now, the difference is enormous. Twenty years ago, parents came to us with one thing: they did not want their children to go to war. First the first Chechen, then the second Chechen. All the techniques and problems were then associated with wars: wounds, hospitals, obtaining certificates "Participant in hostilities", dead, missing ... Very serious serious cases. Everyone was afraid of being drafted. Not because they did not want to serve, but because there was a great danger of losing their life. Parents did everything possible so that their sons did not end up in the army during that period. Those who could not pay off or could not realize themselves in another area (go to college, to a technical school) went to serve. Those who were not shot ended up in the war.
Photo: Artem Ustyuzhanin / website
- And 10 years ago?
Tensions still lingered. There were already fewer requests for unauthorized abandonment of the unit. But they were. Sometimes, five or seven people came running from one unit. They spent the night on my tables in the Committee of Soldiers' Mothers, because they had nowhere to go. I could not hand over these boys to the commanders until I figured it out. She called and warned the commanders: "I have Ivanov-Petrov, no matter where." So that the commander slept peacefully at night, he did not look for him in the garden areas.
The commanders were also to blame for missing the situation that led to the escape. But it happened that the boys themselves were to blame: they were neither morally nor physically prepared for the army. The same conscripts from the Caucasus fled from the unit, because they were not used to some kind of housework, chores, cleaning the toilet. In their home it was considered a woman's work. Ten years, fifteen years ago, our conscripts fled from Vladikavkaz, from the southern republics. Then there was a problem, when the commanders sold their soldiers into labor slavery, and the guys did not return home to demobilization, but after three or four or five months, until the garage and garden house were completed. Thank God, there is no such thing now. The military prosecutor's office, investigators are working.
-What are they going with now?
There were few complaints about the unauthorized abandonment of a unit due to hazing. But there is. Basically, they flee from Khabarovsk, Ussuriisk, from Sergeevka (Primorsky Territory). Everything is more or less calm in our Central Military District. Contact about contract service. Someone cannot quit, they are not allowed to leave the military unit. Someone, on the contrary, asks for help getting under the contract.
Now there was a young man at the reception, he served in the Caucasus, received a good specialty in the army, a radio operator. He wants to continue serving under the contract. But his education is only nine classes, it is difficult to get a job in his specialty, it would be secondary - 11 classes ... We must study! They apply for some medical questions, if they do not agree with the draft board regarding fitness for service. Until a decision has been made, it is necessary to keep pace, to undergo some additional examinations.
Photo: Artem Ustyuzhanin / website
No commander needs a sick boy! Unfortunately, there was no such thing that a doctor who missed a conscript unfit for medical reasons was held accountable. They often ask for help so that they are not sent to serve outside the Sverdlovsk region. There are family circumstances when conscripts have the right to serve near home: a wife with a child, retired parents. I am grateful to our military commissar of the Central Military District Igor Evgenievich Lyamin, all our conscripts, who have a wife and a child, serve in the Sverdlovsk region, they do not send anyone far away. It happens that one of the parents has cancer at the 4th stage, the law does not stipulate that such cannot be sent far away. But we help, they meet us halfway.
- Can you help to be drafted into certain types of troops?
They are turning. We help. It happens that boys want to serve with their dogs. Earlier it was possible to go to the border. Now only contract soldiers serve in the border troops. But with your service dogs, you can go to serve in the internal troops, now it is correctly called the troops of the Russian Guard.
- Judging by the number of complaints and appeals, in which troops is it safer to serve?
The parents of those who serve in the National Guard practically do not apply. Apparently, everything is organized there with discipline and order. All problems are solved by themselves. They have no unauthorized abandonment of a unit, they have never had slave labor, and there are few massive epidemics. Nobody complained about extortion of money, hazing, bullying by employees from the Caucasus. They immediately put the conscripts from the Caucasus in their place: they wash the floors and do all the chores. It is also calm (judging by the appeals) in the missile forces.
Photo: Artem Ustyuzhanin / website
Photo: Artem Ustyuzhanin / website
- And where do people come from with problems most of all?
Artillery, tank units. This is apparently due to their large number. By the way, parents themselves are often to blame. They do not pay attention to the fact that it is necessary to educate character, physical qualities. Draftees from the same North Caucasus come much stronger physically, there are horizontal bars, football fields in every courtyard. And here they sit at the computers, come half-blind, with impaired vision, brought up by single mothers without fathers. Mentally, psychologically, they are often not ready.
By the way, the level of those unfit for service in mental illness has increased. And even those who do not have serious mental illness, they are not always trusted with weapons, military psychologists already in the units reveal psychological deviations. It is good that now this is in the military units.
They call on different ... Still, what should parents do if their son calls and complains about hazing, extortion?
Parents need to go to the unit immediately. It doesn't matter if he serves in Khabarovsk, Vladivostok, Moscow or Yekaterinburg. Because you have no spare sons! I remember about ten years ago there was a case: a mother from the village said that she had sold a cow and went to her son in Vladikavkaz. And she did the right thing. The commanders gave the soldier into slavery, they did not let him go home. Now this is not the case, I repeat, let's not frighten the parents.
- And if he asks for money?
Do not send in any way. If he constantly asks for money, perhaps the boy is spoiled, not used to being refused. He may be cunning: mom, they came out on my pea jacket, mom, they came out on ankle boots, they allegedly stole me. And he himself buys a new phone, although in parts only push-buttons are now allowed. Or at a cafe. Extra money is a temptation to drink. I drank, ended up in the commandant's office - I did something drunk, I voluntarily left a part. It happens that they extort. Recently they helped to sort it out, demanded 40 thousand from the guy, the commanders (junior) accused that the combat vehicle broke down through his fault. Well, it is clear that they are lying. The tank stalled - write it off, for which the soldier may be to blame. Here you need to figure it out, you can contact us in the Committee.
- Well, in what reasonable amounts can money still be sent?
They get two thousand every month, that's enough. Send not money, but parcels. Loose candies: lollipops, caramel. To treat others. Send socks, they don't get enough socks. Cigarettes if smoked. You can put money on your phone.
- Do conscripts have the right to refuse vaccinations?
Have. Any soldier has the right to refuse vaccination. He remains a citizen, no one deprives him of his civil rights. Someone does not feel well, someone is acclimatized. And there are principal opponents of vaccinations.
Imagine that everything depends on your decision ... Would you keep the draft or make the army only on a contract basis?
I'm only for contract service. It should be a good, prestigious male job. But the state believes that military service must be preserved.
- Are there any differences between the autumn and spring draft?
Sure. I was glad that my son went to serve in the spring call. Even if the children find themselves in different climatic conditions, it is easier to acclimatize in summer than in autumn. At the beginning of December, epidemics begin in our country: flu, SARS. The hospitals are packed. Therefore, the spring call is easier. And I would really like both parents and children not to be afraid of the service. The army will teach both courage and responsibility. For many, this is an opportunity to get a military profession that will come in handy in civilian life. And someone wants to associate their future with the army. Indeed, upon concluding a contract, you can enter a military school and become a worthy officer.
The Committee of Soldiers' Mothers is located at: Lunacharsky, 83, office 63, entrance from the courtyard. Reception day: Thursday, from 13 to 19 hours. Telephone +7 (343) 370–33–07. Marina Mitrofanovna Lebedeva's mobile phone: +7 912 676 87 89.
I got a quarter of two marks, although I was always good .. I don’t know how to behave .. I’m in shock, and I’m very afraid to tell my parents that they will swear a lot and even beat .. Is suicide a way out?
Support the site:
Fallen Angel. , age: 15 / 20.03.2014
Feedback:
Dear angel, first of all, you are not fallen! And why worry so much about some triplets, now it seems to you that study is the most important thing, but believe me: there are more important problems, compared to which these triplets are real nonsense. Many generally have only Cs in a quarter in all subjects, and they are glad that, at least not two, they should not take an example from them, I am sure: you are a diligent and smart girl, so you will fix everything in the next quarter. Tell your parents that in the next quarter you will study more and will definitely get 4 a year. And set this goal for yourself! Advice on how to get good grades: learn something in advance at home (a theorem, paragraph, verse, etc.) and raise your hand (teachers usually ask who wants to answer), take reports and messages (they usually give only five ), go to add. classes in lagging subjects (if you have any at your school). Then you will have several 4 and 5 in the magazine, if you get 3 or 2 for independent, etc., then in the end the annual in the quarter will be 4 and the annual 4, if in the other quarters, except for one, there are 4. Good luck !!! And do not try to do stupid things because of school nonsense! All the best awaits you in life! Many people write that life began only after school, so you cannot deprive yourself of the opportunity to see the world and a lot of interesting and beautiful things in the future!
Julia, age: 03/26/2014
Pretty Girl!
Let me tell you a big secret: school grades in real life do not mean ANYTHING. True true. Losers become businessmen, and excellent students work for a penny - and this happens all the time. It is important for your parents that you study well - ok, try to study well. But don't be upset about a few triplets. When they start swearing, don't make excuses. Listen silently. Ask for forgiveness. Be patient, buddy. You will still be wonderful in your life, honestly !!!
Kind regards!
Ekaterina, age: 03/20/2014
Suicide is by no means an option! Got threes - work on mistakes! They wrote correctly, there are a lot of poor and C grades in life, try, learn, work with teachers. You will be good again next quarter!
Help of God! and courage when explaining to your parents!
Elena, age: 36 / 03/20/2014
Talk in advance with the parent who is more able to understand you. Threes are not the end of the world. Everything can be fixed. The subjects have become more complex now, perhaps you just need help, classes with a tutor in some subjects. You do what you can. But there may be factors that you are not able to influence. And here the help of parents is necessary. Refer to your classmates. Ask them, mainly in these subjects, what are their grades? Now, what is happening in schools is the following: textbooks have been changed in some subjects. Textbooks can be extremely unsuccessful, experts say. My child is in the 7th grade. The physics textbook is composed in such a way that children cannot figure out how to solve problems on their own. Most of the class goes to extra classes. Also an extremely unfortunate textbook on the Russian language. Most of the tasks have to be done using the Internet. I don't know, maybe you have other Russian textbooks. Talk to your mom about it. This is not your fault. I just need help and tutorials, where the material is explained in a more accessible and sensible way. There is nothing to be afraid of. You figure it out, work out on vacation, and fix it all. There are no unsolvable problems. Well, and, in the end, if the triples are honest, if you did not write off, then the triple is also an estimate. It is not always possible to study equally well in all subjects. In any case, this is not a reason to give up. I had one professor friend who said: I know more than any academician. Because I have knowledge from different areas at least for the top three. It is impossible to be an excellent student in everything. This is totally normal. The main thing is that you have an idea about some branches of knowledge, and this is already good.
Olya, age: 42 / 03/21/2014
Listen, triples only matter while you are in school, as you said above - in life, grades do not decide, that's for sure. Have a really heart-to-heart talk with the gentler parent. I would do that. Whatever it is - be patient, handle it. Do not be afraid. Suicide is not an option at all, you haven’t even lived yet - you haven’t seen the beauty of the mountains, you haven’t seen the opposite guy’s eyes in love, you haven’t seen your children, you haven’t lived just yet - you haven’t enjoyed the beauty and miracle of Life. There are dark, even black stripes. Just be patient. think that it will pass, that it will not be forever. Everything will be fine, hold on and don't give up!
Maria, age: 03/24/2014
Previous request Next request
Return to the beginning of the section
The word "Troechnik" in Russian has a definite and rather capacious meaning. This is not just a child who has received a “three” for something, a mark that is very annoying to many parents. This is practically a stigma and school status, a kind of social assessment of a child, which is easy to obtain, but difficult to change. “What is a triple, neither this nor that,” many parents exclaim irritably, “it would be better if I got two, it would be clear that I simply didn’t learn.” We often associate the mark "three" with dullness and lack of any abilities, which in itself is very traumatic for a child, especially if his threes are a chronic phenomenon.
Of course, this is not as scary as being a poor student and not keeping up with the school curriculum at all. However, like all minor chronic troubles, constant triplets greatly affect the child's self-esteem and the attitude of the school team towards him.
It seems that he taught, and studied, and was present at all lessons, but in the dictation again 3-4 mistakes, full of shortcomings in the mathematics test, and the text that was repeated all evening was barely told in the lesson.
There may be several reasons for this situation, when a child is not so much unable to keep up with the school curriculum, but to fall short of his own capabilities, there may be several: self-doubt, poor visual memory, inattention, fatigue, difficult relationships with classmates. The reason for the "triplets" may also be banal myopia, which neither the child himself nor his parents suspect about: sitting on the third or fourth school desk, he simply does not see well what is written on the blackboard. Finding and solving all these problems is time consuming. And this must be done. However, it must be understood that the longer the child is in the "C grade" state, the more difficult it will be for him to get out of this state, therefore, measures to solve this problem must be taken immediately. As you know, “the rescue of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves” and you yourself can and must help your child, first of all.
Rule 1. "If you chase two hares, you won't catch a single one."
Don't fight Cs in all school subjects at once. Choose either the object that is most significant to you at the moment, or the object that the child will choose for himself. It may be best to start with a subject that you are more familiar with. Start doing it regularly and calmly, not paying attention to failures or the fact that as a result of your studies, there are no visible changes in school grades. Chronic diseases do not heal quickly, and the result will certainly be. Sometimes an improvement in grades in one subject will automatically lead to changes in the child's overall performance.
Rule 2. Evaluate the child's work in your own way
Any, even the slightest, success greatly affects self-esteem and is a powerful motivator. But what if the child has a constant "three" at school? Create your own grading scale, for example, not from 1 to 5, as in school, but from 1 to 10. This will allow you to more accurately track changes in the child's work. For example, for dictation again three, but this is on the school scale, but on our home scale, we went up by one point, because errors are no longer five, but four, or they are less serious, in your opinion. If there is no improvement in terms of errors, find it in something else: the work is written neater, cleaner, etc., which means that the mark on our scale rises. Thus, you will remove the feeling of complete failure from the child.
Rule 3. Set concrete and realistically achievable goals for your child. The child has difficulty accepting the general wishes of the parents "study well in order to succeed in life." Set specific tasks for him, for example, reduce the number of mistakes in the dictation from four to three, etc. Rejoice with him if it worked out despite the fact that the school grade has not changed. Avoid setting goals that you know to be impossible in the near future, such as writing a five-mark math test.
Rule 4. Teach your child to evaluate their work
Teach your child to adequately evaluate their own work. This is generally a very useful skill in life. Ask him to rate him for his own work. If you think the child has overestimated her, calmly explain to him why you disagree with him. If you do it tactfully, he will agree with you and give himself a different mark. If not, don't scold him: next time he will be more objective. After calmly thinking and putting a mark "three" for himself, the child will then not so painfully perceive it from the teacher at school.
Rule 5. Scold less, praise more
This is perhaps the most famous and at the same time the most difficult wish to fulfill. It's hard to stay cool after a parent-teacher meeting, where every teacher told you: it's bad, it doesn't work out, I didn't finish my studies, I couldn't, is silent in the classroom, etc.
However, remember: Dale Carnegie wrote about the low effectiveness of direct criticism. Try and find something small about your child's studies to be praised for. Let your school grades do not change, but you and your child have been writing home dictations for a whole week and have never missed it - this is already a reason for joint joy and pride.
Rule 6. Set a "limit" on criticism
It is probably impossible not to scold or criticize the child at all. Therefore, it is very important here to know a certain measure. If you scold for the next C in math, don't notice the C in reading or music. If you scold for a three in Russian, do it once, and not constantly during the day and do not remind about it in the future. If you criticize and scold a child a lot, he will simply cease to perceive your speech (especially for boys) and become insensitive to criticism. The only real result of this will be your frustrated nerves.
Rule 7. Criticize the work, not the performer
It is also a well-known but rarely followed rule. When analyzing the child's work, you need to monitor your language, how and what words you use at the same time. After a little practice, you will learn to say “five mistakes were made in work” instead of “you made five mistakes”, “it was written dirty and illegible” instead of “you wrote dirty and illegible,” and so on. The assessment should refer to a specific subject, such as a written history assignment, and not to the child who did it. At the same time, all of the above refers to negative assessments, you can safely address the positive to the child himself, who was able to do something better than last time.
Rule 8. Encourage your child to ask you what he does not understand
It is believed that the ability to ask is the basis of knowledge. It is costly to ask a clear, articulate problem.
Make it a rule to always calmly and without unnecessary words ("how can you not understand this," "I told you a hundred times," "you, that, did not listen to me at all", etc.) to answer the child's questions at home assignments. Better you will explain the same thing ten times than he will not ask you once when he needs it. Many parents are so annoyed by the child's silly, as it seems to them, questions or lack of understanding, that he avoids asking them and is left alone with incomprehensible material on the school curriculum.
Many of the learning difficulties and "triplets" in primary school are associated with the preschool period. The poor development of the child's speech prevents him from reading well, and this, in turn, affects the entire study as a whole. Underdevelopment of fine motor skills leads to problems in writing, drawing and reading. In the first grade, children are not given marks, and when suddenly in the third or fourth grade a child turns out to be a chronic C grade, this is very surprising to some parents.
If your child is not easy to study in the first grade, it may be worth not only looking through his current work and hastily correcting mistakes, but paying closer attention to his studies. This will help him not subsequently slide into permanent triplets. As you know, it is easier to prevent some problems than to fix them later.
DatsoPic 2.0 2009 by Andrey Datso
In elementary school, most children do their academic responsibilities well, and C's are rare. But as soon as the workload begins to increase, the performance of some children drops: in the quarters there are triples.
For some parents, this becomes a signal to grab a belt, refuse a child to watch cartoons, play and walk, and long-awaited gifts. But is it worth doing this, and how can you generally help your child to improve their academic performance?
As a rule, threats and punishments have some effect, but this quickly fades away once the terror ends. At the same time, the relationship between the child and the parents deteriorates, the child lives in constant stress, which does not add to his success in school and in life. If you just want to help your child cope with problems in academic performance, you should give up terror and start acting differently. To begin with, you just need to look from the outside at the child's life at the daily routine and the circumstances under which he is engaged.
Maybe his grades crawled down due to the fact that he does not get enough sleep and goes to bed too late? Maybe you indulge in the pleasure of listening to music or watching your favorite TV show at full volume while he does his homework? Or did the problems with academic performance begin after some dramatic event in the family after a sudden change in the situation or circumstances of life? - If you have suspicions of something like this, it is worth first of all to eliminate the obstacles that can interfere with the child's normal exercise, normalize his life, and relieve psychological stress from the change of environment or other circumstances that influenced him, if any. If there was a divorce, the death of a family member, or the appearance of someone new, it is worth discussing this with the child, if necessary, contact a specialist for psychological assistance. If the problem is resolved, the child's academic performance will recover by itself.
In the case when the reason for the decline in academic performance is the situation or the case, as described above, other symptoms are observed - some changes in the child's behavior, his apathy, or, on the contrary, irritability, and all this usually does not go unnoticed. But what to do in a situation if there were no stresses and problems, if the child behaves as usual, and just “slipped into Cs”? - In this case, it makes sense to start working with the child on your own and to consult with teachers who teach those subjects in which the child has ceased to be in time. In addition, in this situation it makes sense to think about the need to hire a tutor - especially when it comes to a child who is in middle or high school, and already clearly understands that he is not a humanities student, or a supporter of the exact sciences. Additional lessons will help in such a situation - the tutor will find an individual approach and present the topic in a more detailed and simple presentation, which will allow the child to understand it better.
First of all, do not swear, but treat this with understanding and sympathy, try to communicate with the child on this topic and find out his opinion. Maybe he himself will tell you exactly what is the reason for his school problems.
It is necessary to tidy up the child's workplace, if necessary. The student should have his own desk with good lighting, with drawers for textbooks and books.
If there is a suspicion that a student has something wrong with his health, it is worth contacting a pediatrician who will prescribe examinations and express his suspicions, if any.
Low school performance can be genetically inherited. Remember, maybe you also suffered from similar problems in childhood, or did your second parent have such problems? If yes, then remember also how you managed to overcome these problems - this will be the best help for the child.
There is one more thing worth considering. Schoolchildren have such a peculiarity: their academic performance is most directly related to how his relations with peers are, and how he feels at school in general. as respected fellows, explicit and implicit leaders usually have decent academic performance. It is relationships that shape the zeal for learning and the desire to be at their best, and if something happens to a child in this area of life, academic performance can plummet. At the same time, there may also be a tendency to skip lessons, unwillingness to go to school in general. In such a situation, it is necessary to find out with whom the student is friends, how his relations with peers are developing, and if there are problems in this area - help him, either with advice, if they help, or by contacting a specialist - a child psychologist. This situation cannot be ignored, since problems with peers or with one of the teachers can result in hatred of the school as a whole, and then academic performance will collapse in all subjects, and it will be extremely difficult to restore the child's interest in learning even when transferring to another school.
Another reason may be dislike for the teacher of a particular subject or for the subject itself. Often here it comes to the mindset of a child, which was already mentioned above: he is a humanist, a mathematician or a "technician". The banal dislike for the teacher is neutralized through conversations and explanations, and the problems of the mindset are solved by attracting a tutor.
Be that as it may, but for the most part, problems with a child's academic performance are easily solved - if you do not fall into aggression, find out the cause of the failure and help the child solve this problem. Try to feel and understand your son or daughter, build trust, and everything will work out.
