How to understand yourself and your thoughts: advice from a psychologist. How to understand yourself and your thoughts & nbsp Understand yourself where to start
These questions will help you understand what is truly important to you, what you have been running from all your life and where your real dreams live.
Ask them to yourself, listen to yourself, change your life!
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1. If I could leave only one memory in my entire life, what would it be?
I love this question! It crystallizes what in our life can be called the most important. People answering this question suddenly realize what were the highlights of their lives: time spent with family; moments associated with pursuing a favorite hobby, or traveling.
2. If my life was a movie, how would I want to continue it?
One day my friend saw this question written on misted glass and it changed his life. After him, he quit his unloved job and decided to devote all his time to his hobby, which now made him one of the most famous people in the city.
And if your life were a movie, how would you like to continue it?
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3. What would I do if I knew exactly what I could do?
The main question to ask yourself. It shows exactly what you would be doing if you didn’t have fears, excuses and other ridiculous reasons that you want.
4. What's wrong?
The Buddhist monk Tit Nhat Khan once said that we too often ask ourselves the question "What's wrong?", concentrating on the negative. Our life would be much happier and more spiritual if we asked ourselves: “What is it?” The answer to this question allows us to be grateful at least for the fact that we woke up this morning, in contrast to the 160 thousand people who did not open their eyes today.
5. What accomplishments am I proud of?
Make a list of things you can be proud of. You can add even seemingly insignificant things there, such as . When you see on paper your reasons for pride, your level of self-worth will jump up.
6. What, in my opinion, did my parents not give me?
By asking yourself this question, you will see what you will strive for all your life. If you think that you were not loved as a child, then all your life you will run after other people in an attempt to get love from them.
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7. How should my parents never have behaved towards me?
By answering this question, you will see situations from which you will run all your life. For example, my friend thinks that her mother was too protective of her. And now she perceives even the usual care of herself as hyperprotection and flies off the coils.
8. What are the top three mistakes in my life I don't want to repeat?
They say that the rake is divided into two types: 1) that teach something and 2) my favorite. Think about what “your favorite rake” is repeated from year to year?
9. My best decision in the last five years is…
Five years ago, I made the decision to give up a beautiful life and work on television in Moscow for the sake of a ghostly dream - to become a writer. I packed my things and left for my hometown Ufa. I have now published two books that have become bestsellers. is to trust the quiet voice of your heart and follow it. And you?
10. In favor of my dream, I am ready to give up ...
If you want to achieve something, then you have to sacrifice something. They say that discipline is the ability to do what you don't really want in order to get what you really want. So what are you willing to sacrifice?
11. What are my free sources of inspiration?
In our material world, it is believed that the higher the price for something, the cooler it is. But the most emotional things are still free: a walk in the fresh air, solitude in the mountains, hugs with loved ones, laughter and smiles, good books (not free, but not very expensive).
12. Imagine that there is a self-assessment meter. What actions increase the level of self-esteem?
Strange but true: very often our self-esteem depends on specific actions. When we do what we love; when we challenge ourselves; when we take care of ourselves - all this raises our level of self-love.
What do you need to do to feel good?
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13. Which people fill me up and which ones empty me?
It must be admitted that there are no good or bad people. There are those, being close to which makes us stronger and fills us. And there are those with whom we are destroyed. Who from your environment belongs to the first category, and who to the second?
14. Who do I envy?
On my Selfquest project, there is a special task where I ask you to write a list of people you envy. Envy is an interesting feeling that most often shows a subconscious desire to have the same thing as the object of envy. Envy must be transformed into a constructive emotion in order to understand what we want.
15. What annoys me about other people?
What we see in other people is ours. What other people see in us is theirs. So the easiest list to figure out your weaknesses is to understand.
16. Which of your loved ones would you like to see at your bedside when you die?
I was once struck by a question from renowned business thinker Yitzhak Adizes, who was watching his mother die in a hospital bed. He asked himself: “And who would I like to see at my bedside on my deathbed? Why not get rid of those people that I don't want to see by my bed, dying, right now? Just think about it.
Answer honestly the question: do I have such moments?
18. What will I regret most in my old age?
Every year, the world makes ratings of regrets. Older people are asked: “What do you regret the most?” All over the world, these ratings are almost always the same. Most of all, people regret that all their lives they worked at an unloved job, lived with unloved people, traveled little and did not take care of their health.
What will you regret in your old age?
19. Describe your life until today in 6-9 words.
As part of my writing course, Texture, I always ask participants to do an Ernest Hemingway story thing. He bet that he would write a six-word story that would make people cry. The story went like this: “Children's shoes are for sale. Unworn." Here are some witty and sad things my students wrote: “Have I really found myself? Writing. I'm only 37", "She believed she could. Therefore, I could”, “I am 33. Sell 2 boards and nails.”
What does your life look like in 6-9 words until today?
20. What does it mean to be happy for me?
And answer this question yourself, without prompting.
On the Internet, there are a lot of materials, websites of psychologists, forums where you can ask questions and get answers to almost any problem. Probably good advice. If not for one thing: I don’t know how to understand what I want!
I lost consciousness, only feelings remained ...
Thin ... Barely definable ... Do I want to
music and flowers, or to kill someone.
E. Schwartz "Ordinary Miracle"
There are times when you don't know what you want. Like this and that, and the fifth, and the tenth - all at once or in turn. And one contradicts the other, you get completely entangled in your own thoughts, feelings and desires, so much so that sometimes you even start to think - I don’t want anything at all. Only certainties. Just understand how to understand yourself.
No, really! Other people seem to live, and everything is clear with them. They have goals, they have plans, in general they are even satisfied with life, they are not tormented by questions about how to understand themselves and understand themselves. And you alone are somehow not like everyone else, confused in yourself, and you want to shout out: “Yes, what is wrong with me?!”
And the more you think, the more confused you become. And it gets so annoying and depressing that at some point you already hate your own habits of introspection and introspection. Moreover, they give nothing but disappointment and confusion in the head. And do something what?
On the Internet, there are a lot of materials, websites of psychologists, forums where you can ask questions and get answers to almost any problem. Partially even helps - for a while. Only these tips are some general: take care of yourself more, give yourself time to just think about what you yourself want, write out a wish list, do your favorite things ...
System-vector psychology: how to understand yourself
One thing is clear: what concerns the inner world of a person, what goes on in his thoughts and in his soul, is the subject of study of psychology. Today, more and more often, references to a relatively new, unparalleled, but bringing a huge number of results methodology, which is known as the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, come across on the net.
System-vector psychology is based on the concept of vectors. A vector is a set of innate properties, desires, abilities that determine a person's thinking, his values and way of moving through life. Thus, having dealt with the vectors, you can understand your desires and the desires of other people, figure out what to do with it next.
The main idea is that man is multifaceted a kind of diamond, and various manifestations of its properties affect its condition, sometimes - alternately, sometimes - simultaneously. Not realizing why this happens, not catching these changes-switches, we feel some kind of confusion, experience spiritual discomfort, do not understand ourselves, do not understand others.
Understanding ourselves and others
There are eight vectors. A person can be the owner of one to eight of them. In the modern world in a big city, people usually have three to five vectors. Their combination is called a vector set. To understand what impact it has on a person's life path, let's analyze some vectors separately and find out which factors determine ours and what has nothing to do with it.
I want change and career growth
Miners and organizers by nature. She endowed them with very useful properties: flexibility of mind and body - adaptability, quick response, organization and self-discipline, ambition, rationalism, pragmatism, competitive spirit.
All these properties are aimed at the realization of the innate aspirations of the representatives of the skin vector, for them it is property and social superiority, career growth, novelty. For the sake of achieving their own desires, they are ready to work hard and efficiently.
Their goal is to gain benefit and benefit, whether it's a successful financial deal and a winning collaboration, saving resources and time, or playing sports and a commitment to healthy eating.
The desire for change pushes such people on the path of lawmaking and social change, engineering and design; makes them lovers of travel, change of scenery, new acquaintances.
Internal organization and the desire to organize the outside world go hand in hand. Only a person with a skin vector can be pleased to limit himself in something (daily routine, diet, even appearance: all buttons are fastened, the belt is tightened, the hair is collected). And it is quite logical that it is he who is able to organize his own business, introduce the law, manage the company, command in the army; it is he who has constructive thoughts about what needs to be done so that the team can effectively cope with the tasks set.
I want home comfort, respect and justice
They have the following properties: honesty, decency, adherence to principles, conservatism, thoroughness, perseverance, diligence, good memory, attention to detail, perfectionism. They are true professionals, masters of their craft.
To collect all the necessary information from and to, thoroughly study the issue of interest, hone your skills and become the best in your field, which means worthy of passing your knowledge to the next generation - this is the desire of the owner of the anal vector. Respect and honor, recognition of merit are his needs.
Justice and equality are very important for such a person. Doing your job well and being properly evaluated, receiving gratitude for the help provided, feeling that good will be repaid with good - this is the key to inner comfort for him, and therefore, the ability to sort out his thoughts if necessary. Otherwise, the feeling of deprivation and resentment makes him sometimes unable to see the situation clearly.
Carriers of the anal vector gravitate towards manifestations of purity in everything: at home - order, reputation - impeccable, relationships - sincere, a woman - immaculate, children - neat, salary - "white", own conscience - clean.
You can write a separate article about the importance of home and family for such people. This is overvalued. A happy married life, children and family relationships in general, home comfort - without this, the owner of the anal vector will not feel fulfilled.
I want beauty, emotions and world peace
People whose psyche carries properties have the highest emotional amplitude. Emotions, feelings, experiences are necessary for them like air. It is for representatives of the visual vector that the main goal of their existence can be love - reckless and all-encompassing.
Filling the sensual potential and establishing emotional connections are their innate desires. Normally, communication with people, sincere conversations and empathy with others is the main source of inspiration and enjoyment for the carriers of the visual vector. It is these people who are able to feel fulfilled by volunteering, helping those in need, caring for others, promoting the value of human life and calling for peaceful coexistence.
They can win over others just by making eye contact. And expressing sincere participation in the interlocutor's feelings during a tete-a-tete conversation, give a feeling of understanding and trust, as if they are able to literally look into the soul.
If something goes wrong in the realization of the sensual potential of people with a visual vector, then they try to get their share of pleasure with the help of emotional buildups: from fright when watching horror films to scandals and tantrums. Unable to understand their feelings, they themselves do not understand what exactly they want.
The owners of the visual vector, like no one else, are able to notice the beauty of the world around them, to admire it. And to create it in various manifestations - too. Some go to art museums with pleasure, to various exhibitions, theatrical performances, watch touching films, read sensual literature. Others get pleasure by realizing their qualities in the field of art and culture.
I want silence, meaningfulness and ... something more
Representatives are obvious introverts, pensive, silent, outwardly unemotional, sometimes aloof, indifferent or expressing disdain. The fact is that their desires lie outside the material plane. Their goal, which they themselves are not always aware of, is in cognition: oneself, the world order, the root causes.
Questions about the search for the meaning of life and everything that happens around him and inside him occupy the powerful intellect of the sound engineer. For such a person, concentration is extremely important: if he solves any problem, nothing should distract him from the thought process. Therefore, more often he prefers silence and lack of company in order to be alone with his ideas.
In general, he is quite picky about the choice of environment, because empty talk “about nothing” is a serious source of discomfort for him.
The desire to be alone, to abstract from the outside world, to drown out disturbing sounds can be expressed in love for heavy music: put in headphones, turned it up - it became easier, especially if some meanings are captured in the lyrics or they echo the internal state of the listener.
The desire to learn the principles of being takes the form of scientific or creative research: physics, mathematics, chemistry, programming, philosophy, literature, new trends in art (for example, abstractionism, avant-gardism, arthouse).
The natural desire to change the state of consciousness can lead to the study of various spiritual practices, autogenic training, esoteric teachings, etc. Finding something barely perceptible there, beyond comprehension - this is what the owner of the sound vector strives for, consciously or not. In a meaningful form, this manifests itself as a desire and a place in life. But often the sound engineer himself does not understand what he lacks, which makes it even harder.
A systematic understanding of oneself and the world radically changes the state for the better, allows one to understand the most complex existential issues:
Where do internal conflicts come from?
When some of our desires are not consistent with others, we feel this as an internal conflict. Such contrariety causes severe psychological discomfort, and desires that contradict each other are not fully satisfied, as they “interfere” with one another.
It is important to distinguish one's own aspirations from those imposed by society: relatives have certain hopes, the society dictates its own rules, the mass media propagate new trends.
The impossibility of achieving one's own desires leads to severe dissatisfaction, stress and, as a result, an even more contradictory situation. And this state is the more difficult to survive, the more we get stuck in this vicious circle.
So why do we experience counter desires? There are two main reasons:
- An unsatisfactory state in one vector due to insufficient implementation of its properties.
- Switching between different vectors, the aspirations in which are sometimes radically different.
Let's consider them in more detail.
Unsatisfactory conditions
When we experience stress, such a situation may arise that the manifestation of our qualities occurs, as it were, at a lower level - just to get a little satisfaction in order to alleviate our condition. , but I am content with a scanty "dissatisfaction."
For example, the owner of the visual vector wants with all his heart to experience an emotional connection, sensual intimacy with a dear person. Filling it with your feelings and empathy, fill yourself with mutual bestowal.
But, under stress, being in a state of fear, or being unable to freely express their feelings due to false attitudes, they can throw out unspent feelings in the form of hysteria. He tries to "get more" emotions and the missing sense of security, provoking the interlocutor to evidence of affection and love.
Here comes the contradiction: “I want to do something good for him, to feel the mutual kinship of souls, to show how much I care about him. But at the same time I want to yell at him! Reproach with indifference, demand attention. We cannot get more and choose less, primitive, and in the end we suffer.
Or the situation in which the owner of the anal vector may find himself: “I value my family, I adore my wife. This is the most important thing I have. I want to take care of her, provide stability and comfort. But! She didn't appreciate my help last time. Once she spoke very offensively to me and does not even remember it! And my mother is not respected enough! I want to repay her with the same coin. Not in order to harm - I love her - to teach her how to do it right!
The bad states of a person with an anal vector, the lack of application of its properties (good memory, craving for justice, the desire to share one's experience, etc.) entail getting stuck in resentment, aggression, stubbornness, the desire to teach, criticize, and so on.
In a person with a skin vector, a stressful state or lack of realization can cause, for example, a craving for inadequate savings, the pursuit of cheapness or gratuitousness, sometimes even a readiness for fraud, theft, and deceit.
Then his dreams of success shrink and remain unfulfilled: “Becoming wealthy is my goal. I would like to invest in the business and receive further profit. But so much to spend! What would you save on? O! I will ride in transport "hare". I will only buy things on sale. And cigarettes can be "shoot" from colleagues. Where else can you get money? Maybe something to "crank"?
It is hard for the bearer of the sound vector, who does not use his abilities and plunges into severe depressive states. If such a person fails to use his abilities on the path of cognition and awareness for a long time, at some point he may begin to feel complete apathy.
Then the state “I want to know what is the meaning, cause and effect of everything in the world” is replaced by a state “I don’t want anything - leave me all alone, let me be alone, finally! Instead of searching for the essence in any form, striving to transform the world order, trying to understand for the better, I want to lock myself in a room and go headlong, for example, into a computer game, replacing global goals with quests.
Contradictory states in different vectors
As mentioned above, in the modern world, a person usually carries several vectors. Their properties, values and goals are different. Therefore, desires can contradict each other. Different vectors in one person are constantly switching, changing states, affecting each other depending on the circumstances - the pressure of the landscape.
For example, a person who has both a visual and a sound vector may suffer from such contradictions. The visual vector craves communication, reaches out to people, seeks to share emotions with them, to get vivid impressions from the experiences and colors of the world around. The sound vector (due to insufficient fulfillment of desires) does not particularly care about this very world, other people are indifferent or even unpleasant. Fuss, noise and conversations are depressing, a big company is tiring.
Or a person who has both anal and skin vectors. The skin tends to change, to high speeds, to work on several fronts at once. The anal vector is conservative, prefers the measured course of things, take on one thing and slowly bring it to the point with all its inherent perfectionism. He would calmly sit at home under a checkered blanket, and not arrange a forced march through the city.
In a state of superstress, vectors can be switched inappropriately to the circumstances. And in a situation where speed of reaction and enterprise are required from a person with an anal-cutaneous ligament, he falls into a stupor; and if necessary, be assiduous and scrupulous - it becomes flickering and fussy.
Or such a turn: yesterday, having switched to the skin vector, a person somehow cheated, dodged in some difficult situation, and today he feels guilt and remorse for a lack of honesty in an anal way, but tomorrow he will be skin-to-skin angry with himself for innocence .
Having several vectors that react differently to different situations, we can be exposed to the most diverse manifestations of their inconsistency. Let's say a teenage girl, being the bearer of the anal, skin, visual and sound vector at once, is tormented by the fact that all her desires conflict with each other:
“I have always been an excellent student, I was great at drawing. But now I feel indifferent to everything. I don’t know how to sort out my feelings, what I want to do next, what to earn in the future. I am tired of the reproaches of my parents, more and more I fence myself off from them and blame myself for it. There are so many thoughts and ideas in my head, but it never gets to the point. Terrible boredom overcomes, there is neither the strength nor the desire to take on anything, to communicate with someone. Sometimes there is a feeling of inferiority.
It should be mentioned separately that there are dominant vectors. One of them is the sound vector. And while the desires characteristic of him are not satisfied, the rest will be of lesser importance: the person simply will not see much point in their embodiment. But even having filled them, he will not receive all possible joy - the unrealized sound vector "muffles" everything else.
How to understand what I want?
Almost all of us experience serious conditions from time to time. Someone waits them out as best they can. And someone by all means is looking for solutions.
Question: how can a person understand himself if he does not control his unconscious?
Answer: learn to track your states, identify them and know how to fill.
System-vector psychology calls everything by its proper name. Understanding what is happening to you, why certain desires manifest in you, what psychological mechanisms determine this, you begin to realize what to expect from yourself next and how to deal with it.
The more multifaceted our psyche is, the more opportunities open up before us, the more diverse the ways to take place as a person. This means that the greater happiness we are able to find by fully applying our potential.
At the online training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, the features of all eight vectors and their combinations are considered in detail, the cause-and-effect relationships of possible states are explained. What many of us lack so much is given: certainty, understanding of our true nature, the realization that versatile aspirations are not a reason for suffering, but a colossal resource for winning in an exciting game called Life!
We got a clear answer to the question, and in other people.
“... All my conscious life I was tormented by contradictions ... After passing the training, I finally understood where these contradictions came from in me: among some, I was visually snobbish and soundly arrogant, and among the other half, I fawned and jumped out of my shorts to be a good girl and to please EVERYONE… After SVP, the contradictions became clear… Now I know how to overcome them.”
Join the viewing in the very near future - start moving along the path of awareness.
Proofreader: Natalia Konovalova
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»Good afternoon, dear readers! How well do you know yourself? If you are asked to describe yourself, as if from the outside, what would you say? For many people, sooner or later, a period of introspection and self-knowledge begins. But it is not always clear where to start and how to do everything right so as not to drown in a sea of psychological information and not make things worse for yourself. After all, not everything is as easy as it seems at first glance. Today I offer you a simple but convenient plan on how to understand yourself, personality psychology and introspection.
Psychological tests
Usually a person begins to know himself through psychological tests. The point, of course, is not bad, but learning how to interpret test results correctly is not so easy. Psychologists have been teaching this for several years, preparing them for certain results, they are taught to look not only at numbers and indicators, but also at the person himself, at the situation, at the circumstances.
Keep in mind that many of the tests are based on general assumptions and do not take into account your specifics. It is impossible to understand yourself or other people only by passing such tests. If you really want to get an in-depth analysis, then I advise you to contact a psychologist who will draw up a psychological portrait for you.
A person is constantly changing, becoming better, reconsidering his views on life, learning new things. I have not yet met a single person who would remain exactly the same all his life. Personality has the ability to develop. Keep this in mind when doing self-digging.
I bring to your attention the article "". In it you will find a lot of practical and useful tips that will help you figure out where to start, how to do it better and where to go. Do not be afraid and do not rush to everything at once. Be gradual and thorough, then you will definitely succeed.
"I" in relationships
When a person learns to know his essence, then, one way or another, he draws attention to himself in a relationship. And, in general, there is a reassessment of relationships past, present and future. This is an important and big part of life, so understanding yourself in terms of relationships is extremely important.
It doesn't matter if you are currently in a relationship or not. You still need to analyze this part of your life. Choose a time when no one will distract you, when you can sit quietly and calmly alone with your thoughts.
Sometimes a woman in a relationship gets so carried away that she ceases to be herself. She melts into a man. Familiar? I have several clients who, after a breakup or divorce, were completely lost in life, because, apart from their husband, there was nothing in life. Nothing of his own. This is a catastrophically wrong situation.
Therefore, in a relationship, it is important to understand your desires and dreams, think about your activities, spend time apart. You should not dissolve in a person, no matter how tempting it may seem. Losing yourself next to another person is easy, but then finding it is hard.
Yes, and many men should carefully look at themselves in a relationship. Why does the choice always lean towards girls like this that hurt so much? After all, a happy person who has caught harmony, and relationships develop well. Think about it.
In the article "" you can find interesting thoughts that will tell you what is going wrong and how to fix it all. Remember, there are no hopeless situations.
Work - career
But besides relationships, there is another important issue that should be thoroughly understood. This is your profession and your job. One of my clients has been a secretary since she was a teenager. The work was not particularly dusty, but she constantly felt dissatisfied and annoyed.
After long conversations, it turned out that she did not digest work in the office at all. Of course, she did not run headlong to quit. After all, you have to earn money to live.
The girl approached the question responsibly. She began to figure out what she could do outside the office and still earn enough money. Now she works as a florist, opened a chain of her own flower shops and arranges master classes for beginners.
You can find your calling even in deep middle age. You can verify this by reading the article "". In it, I talk in detail about all sorts of ups and downs associated with a career.
Try to understand whether you like what you do, what processes at work you enjoy, and what annoys and pisses you off. Do not immediately think that the current work is nonsense and you need to change everything in your life.
Be consistent and calm. It is especially important not to make hasty decisions on emotions. No wonder they say - the morning is wiser than the evening.
Interests
In addition to work, there are also hobbies. It is impossible to know yourself without this side of life. It does not happen that a person only goes to work and then watches TV at home. There are always books, going to the movies with friends, bowling or trips out of town.
For self-development, it is very important to do some things outside of work and at home. You can know yourself not only by sitting in a chair and thinking. Doing something new, you will find out your desires, understand what you want and where you are striving.
A friend of mine seems to have tried a million things in her life. And vocals, playing the piano, photography, styling and makeup, camping and rock climbing, charity and helping orphans. What just was not in her life.
She quit some classes quickly enough, without even having studied for a week. Others became a real hobby and, to some extent, have remained to this day. Do not be afraid to look for yourself and find out your hobbies. The more new you experience, the better you will know your essence.
In all this, it is important to maintain harmony. Of course, a person cannot be torn apart and be everywhere. Sometimes it is not so easy to combine work, hobbies, family and friends. Sometimes you have to sacrifice something, make concessions. Here, too, a field for reflection opens up for you. What and why are you willing to give up?
I bring to your attention the article "". From it you will learn how to correctly allocate your time, pay the right amount of attention to all aspects of your life and find inner harmony.
You can get to know yourself with the help of other people. How? Ask your relatives, acquaintances and friends to write you a certain characteristic. Positive and negative qualities. Just make sure you don't get offended by people for the truth that might be revealed to you.
Take the information as new knowledge that will help you become even better and change your life.
Pay attention to your dreams. Sometimes very important and necessary discoveries come to us at night. Learn to remember what you dreamed. To do this, there are a huge number of techniques that you can find on the Internet.
Pay close attention to yourself in anger and when upset. In such states, the most naked truth usually comes out. From the depths of my soul. Therefore, pay attention to those things that make you angry and annoying. Learn to understand your real attitude to what is happening.
Read Barbara Sher's book What to dream about". It can push you to new achievements, which for some reason you were afraid to do before.
Have you ever helped a person understand himself? Do you often have heart-to-heart conversations with loved ones? Are there things you would be afraid to know about yourself?
Feel free to go forward and do not be afraid, you will succeed!
There is not enough strength for anything, the goals you have ever set for yourself still remain unfulfilled, and most importantly, you do not know what is happening and how to change your own life. So it's time to take care of yourself. Any failures, mistakes and difficulties are always connected with the fact that life is trying to tell us what we are doing wrong. In those moments, you just need to stop and find time for yourself.
How to understand yourself
Nothing is easier than giving advice to others. When it comes to themselves, most don't even know where to start. Hasty decisions never help to cope with the problems that have arisen, but they can aggravate the situation very quickly. Therefore, as soon as you feel that you have ceased to control your own life, stop and stop looking for the guilty.
Try to be alone with yourself. Turn on your favorite music that evokes positive emotions. And close your eyes. Look inside yourself, feel your soul, what feelings prevail, what worries, irritates, dislikes. Be honest about what you don't like about life. After all, the desire to understand oneself arises only when a person begins to understand that he does not live the way he wants. He is not able to understand what is happening to him, why he does this and not otherwise, for what reason he cannot change for the better, and why he lacks the strength and determination to change everything once and for all.
Trying to find answers to the questions put before you, do not judge. Your task is not to find all conceivable and unthinkable shortcomings in yourself, but to understand what you really want from life and how you can get it. Not knowing the strengths and weaknesses, not caring about her soul, the fair sex runs the risk of choosing the wrong path in life that she needs in order to achieve harmony with herself and the world around her. But nothing is more important in life than peace of mind.
Photo: how to understand yourself and understand what I want
When the soul hurts, no amount of money can help relieve this pain. Therefore, for the sake of your own happiness, determine for yourself your own life values and aspirations and remember the existing principles of morality.
Always act according to your own internal barometer. Do not be led by parents, relatives or friends, make decisions on vital issues on your own, weighing all the pros and cons. If you need advice, ask, but that doesn't mean you should. Never make a deal with your conscience, you can’t fix what happened, and regrets and remorse can poison your whole life.
Once you get used to taking responsibility for your own life, you will eventually understand what you want to get in the end. Try to periodically make plans to achieve your desires. No matter how impossible they seem, the main thing is to describe in detail what is necessary to implement the plan. In life, a person receives only what he expects. Think about it and consider if you are subconsciously depriving yourself of success, thinking that you are not worthy of more.
Avoiding difficulties, difficult decisions and actions, a person is not able to assess how he should live on. He continues to go with the flow, using the experience and advice of others, but not experiencing joy and satisfaction from self-realization. Nothing gives a sense of need and self-importance like the implementation of the plan. And it doesn’t matter if these dreams are big or small. When a person achieves what he wants, he realizes his own capabilities, becomes more self-confident and more boldly begins to conquer the next peak.
But it is very important to choose your own life path correctly. If you achieve your goals, which in fact were not needed at all, then at one fine moment a real crisis will come. After all, all the efforts were spent on the realization of the desires of other people, their vision of what the life of a successful person should be like. Most often, these people are parents.
It's no secret that many parents, giving advice on what to do in life, where to go to study, subconsciously try to realize their own goals and desires. But they are interested not only in the future profession and work, but also in the personal life of children. On the one hand, this is caused by the desire not to make a mistake, and on the other hand, an attempt to realize what we ourselves failed to do.
If your parents are pushing you too hard and frankly trying to force you to make a choice that pleases them and not you, don't get into a fight. Make it clear that their view of the world is radically different from yours and it is very sad that by depriving you of the opportunity to become independent, they endanger your life, because someday you will still have to make decisions on your own.
To understand yourself, you need to realize how important it is. After all, the rest of your life depends on it. If a person is afraid to look into himself, to be alone with himself and honestly answer who he is and what he needs to be happy, he is doomed to realize at one fine moment that life has been lived in vain. Even selfless care for the family can often turn into misunderstanding and neglect on the part of the spouse and children. They will take it for granted, and it is unlikely that they will be able to achieve the same attentive attitude towards themselves.
Few people respect those who are ready to dissolve into others without a trace. Despite the love and respect for those who are nearby, a person must be a person. And to become it, you can only understand how to be realized in life and what kind of person to be.
Photo: how to understand yourself and understand what I want
How to understand what I want
- Hiding constantly behind a mass of everyday affairs, chatting with friends, acquaintances, watching movies, every day you live you refuse to recognize yourself, to understand why sometimes it becomes sad and lonely, and life seems empty and monotonous. Try to spend at least a day the way you want, but in the evening or best of all in the morning, be sure to stay in silence alone with yourself. Let the thoughts flow, don't push them away, focus on who you are and what you would do if you had the opportunity to quickly change everything.
- To put your thoughts into words, use a piece of paper on which describe your life as you imagine it. And then make a list of qualities that you are rightfully proud of or would like to improve. Think about what qualities you lack in order to achieve what you want, and develop them.
- If you don't like your place of work, your bosses are annoying, and you always seem to be underestimated, it's time to change jobs or start your own business.
- Catch yourself thinking that the family no longer brings joy, as at the very beginning. Housework has become a chore, you have become a housekeeper, and a diploma of higher education is gathering dust on the shelf. So, you want to be realized not only as a mother and wife. Consider looking for a job. Do not sacrifice your dreams, if you wish, you can always hire a housekeeper or distribute responsibilities around the house. If a man has created a family, he is also obliged to take care of her comfort, helping in everyday life, since he cannot hire an assistant.
- If you want to help people with advice, experience, knowledge, fight negligent officials, do community work.
- Periodically there are thoughts about how many unfortunate people there are in the world. You get real pleasure from helping the destitute, feeding homeless animals or have already adopted an unfortunate puppy, kitten or a large dog / cat from the street, make donations for the construction of the temple, for sick children, orphans, the disabled, your calling is charity. If you want to make the world a better place, you have something to be proud of. You know how to empathize and empathize. You have a beautiful soul, because good deeds have no earthly price.
- Remember, you can understand yourself, but it will only be useful if you use the knowledge gained in practice. Absolutely nothing will change if you learn a lot more about yourself than before, but do not take advantage of this for yourself and others.
Do not try to break yourself, compromise with your own conscience, or look for easier ways in life, giving up your innermost goals and desires. Learn to be attentive not only to relatives, friends, acquaintances and others, but also to yourself. To make this world a little better, and your life like the one you dreamed about, you need to find harmony with yourself. It is possible to achieve it only when a person has found the strength to understand himself.
class="h-0" >Learn to face the truth. In psychology, there is such a thing - causal attribution, in other words, the property of a person to come up with a reason for his actions, to justify them. For example, I will not go on a diet from tomorrow, they say, I already have a difficult period in my life, restrictions will only aggravate my situation. Actually: I won't go on a diet from tomorrow because I'm too lazy, I can't, etc. If I really I want to understand myself The first thing I do is stop lying to myself. Self-deception is the enemy of our growth.
The second point: you need to visualize your thoughts. As old as the world, but still: take a piece of paper and a pen. And we try to write about what torments and torments us. Example: My boyfriend dumped me and I can't figure out why. So, we are trying to be above the situation and not wishful thinking. You can write your pros and cons in two columns, it will work. You can describe your image of an ideal loving girl in one part of the sheet, and then relate it to yourself. Etc…
The following is also important: each person needs to live inside himself again those moments for which he was ashamed. They hide on the mezzanine of our memory, from time to time reminding us of themselves. This is a destructive path! How to deal with your feelings if it makes you sick to remember them? There is only one way out: to remember the thoroughly lived situation, in all the details. Then consider whether a conclusion has been made. If yes, forgive yourself. Loudly, out loud, forgive yourself. This is important: the past should not be oppressive.
How to understand yourself, how to understand yourself?
class="h-1" >Do not try to solve all your internal problems at once. It is better to distribute this work for a specific period. For example, designate the next week of your life as an enlightenment week. Each day is devoted to a specific question that your mind will seek the answer to. On Monday, for example, you will try to understand why you are unhappy with your appearance, how you can fix it. Do something that your hands never reached - go to a good hairdresser, get to a beautician, sign up for a massage course. By the way, new impressions distract from depressing thoughts.
To find out how to understand yourself Read popular psychology. If you don't want to go into it, watch the movies. Our consciousness can, as if on purpose, choose to watch a film that is relevant to us today. For many people, analyzing other people's stories is extremely productive.
Keep a diary. This habit won't hurt anyone, and for many people it is an ally of personal growth. Indeed, often a person treats the diary as a controller of his own actions. By “reporting” on the events of the day or week, you implicitly want to show the diary what you have achieved. And this is a good motivation to work on yourself!
Set goals, decide what you want in life. Train willpower, patience, try to be attentive, consistent, grateful. And remember - the basis of our internal success is serious self-discipline.
