Everyone turned away from me. Why do people treat me badly? What to do if people treat you badly
You began to ask yourself the question why they treat me badly, everyone turned away from me? Let's try to figure this out together. If this has already happened, it may be worth looking for the reason for such behavior of others in oneself and trying to understand why it happened and draw the appropriate conclusions from the current situation.
There can be quite a lot of reasons for people to treat you badly, all friends and acquaintances turned away from you. Maybe you have become arrogant or too capricious, demanding or not frank. Or maybe the reason for this attitude towards your person lies in your slovenliness.
Take a closer look at yourself, maybe you have become sloppy and the people around you have become rather unpleasant and not interested in communicating with you and they have turned away from you. First of all, you need to put things in order not only in your head in your thoughts and actions, but also in your apartment, at your workplace, and so on. A high probability that others around you have begun to treat you badly is your sloppiness. I bring to your attention that it is easier for many to turn away from you than to reprimand you for your inaccuracy. Just imagine, your friends come to visit you and face the clutter of your apartment. What impression do they have of you?
In order to create a good impression of yourself, pay attention to the cleanliness of your apartment, your workplace and, ultimately, to yourself. If you are a sloppy person, you are likely to be treated badly by the people around you. So let's start by cleaning your apartment. Unnecessary things, rubbish, everything that prevents you from living and feeling great needs to be taken out and thrown into a landfill. Do not be afraid to live with the times, experiment, change the environment and the things around you more often.
After all, old things often carry a lot of negativity and you don’t need to accumulate this rubbish in the apartment, but get rid of it in a timely manner. And our staff will be happy to help you do it. And in a short period of time they will help to put things in order in the apartment - this is to take out excess furniture and things. You need to live comfortably yourself and try to make it so that others would be pleased to be near you. Love and respect yourself first of all and you will see how people close and dear to you will appreciate you. Do not be closed, never despair and try to ask those people who turned away from you, why did they do it? Maybe they will sincerely and honestly answer your question and you will easily be able to regain the good attitude of your relatives and friends. If you know the reason why acquaintances turned away from you and friends began to treat you badly, immediately try to solve it. In no case do not lose heart and do not try to blame someone other than yourself for the situation. There are no unsolvable problems, only the unwillingness to solve them. Be confident in yourself and you will be fine!
Good day! I would like to consult with you.
It often seems to me that many people treat me badly, consider me strange, funny or stupid. Because of this, I sometimes feel embarrassed in the team to say something, joke, offer some idea or express my opinion on any occasion. I understand that all this comes from a lack of self-confidence, which I have always lacked in my life. Well, as many say, all our complexes come from childhood. There were times when I behaved strangely and incorrectly, because of which they made fun of me or mocked me. After a while, when I became older, I realized my mistakes and began to behave differently. But the uncertainty still remained. Over the past couple of years, I've started to connect with more people, attend more events, and become a little more confident and liberated compared to what I used to be.
But because of recent events, I again began to feel worse. Last winter, I started dating a young man. A little over a month ago, I broke up with him, on my own initiative. At first, I had a strong crush on him, and I did not notice many things. And then she passed, and I looked at him with different eyes. We didn't have a good relationship. I didn't see a future with him. He could offend me or maliciously pin me down, often quarreled with me. And at the same time, he dumped all the blame on me, they say, supposedly I am offended for no reason. He constantly blackmailed me, made demonstrative recordings on the Internet. Recently, a petty insult has reached a major scandal. And at the same time, he constantly told me: “I love you more than life! I love you very much and want you to be my wife!” and stuff like that. But at the same time, he did nothing to improve relations and constantly justified himself - in general, everything was just in words. But I was in love, and I myself constantly tried to justify it. Then I got tired of all this and decided to leave. I tried to do it peacefully and calmly, I didn’t insult or humiliate him in any way, I offered to keep communication, at least sometimes. But he did not want to, and after parting, he began to mock me, insult me, throw mud at me and blame me for everything. Well, by this he showed himself “in all his glory”, after which I was convinced that I had made the right decision and was glad that I broke up with him.
But here the point is that we have a number of common acquaintances with him - one company, so to speak, where everyone knows each other. With most of them, I began to communicate even before I met him. He also talked to them before he met me. They were aware that we were dating. And after parting, he again began to make demonstrative records in which he humiliates me in every possible way (without treatment, but with a hint of me, like: I am enraged by fools who blame others for everything, but not themselves ... selfish bitches ... and everything along those lines). At the same time, he exposes himself so good, they say, how, he loved so much, but he was abandoned ... And by doing so, he only discredits me in front of other people, because they see all these records. And because of this, I got the feeling that they began to treat me worse. It seems to me that they communicate with me less, more dryly and reluctantly. And I don't know what to do It would be possible to try to talk directly with some people about this, but they are not so close to me to talk so frankly with them, just friends ... and after the current situations, I don’t trust anyone at all, and once again I try not to be frank, I’m afraid that they just don't understand me. And by doing so, I will only demonstrate my insecurity (if I ask directly). Maybe, of course, it just seems to me, and I myself think? But my worries about this have not yet left me. Can you please tell me the best way to deal with them? How to be in this situation? And how can you become more confident in yourself?
Hello Andrey.
Perhaps when you were in school, your father formed the wrong self-esteem in you. As a result, you treated yourself incorrectly, you underestimated yourself, as your father did. Admit that you do not go to clubs and discos, but go in for sports to prove to your father, but first of all to yourself, that you are better than it seems to others. And others who go to discos simply have nothing to prove.
And since you underestimated yourself, you received an appropriate attitude from those around you. After all, the people around us treat us the way we treat ourselves. Those. they just reflect your own attitude towards yourself.
How do you feel about yourself now Andrey? You have achieved results in sports, and it really worked. Your self-esteem has risen, you have begun to respect yourself, and therefore new acquaintances treat you differently. You feel the difference: you have changed, your attitude towards yourself has changed, and other people treat you accordingly.
Here is the way out for you: to change the attitude of others towards you, continue to change the attitude towards yourself. Start loving, appreciating and respecting yourself. You are a particle of the Universe, a unique person, there is no such person like you anymore. Accept yourself the way you are. And you don't have to prove anything to anyone. You don't owe anything to anyone. Improve yourself, develop in sports, treat yourself with dignity and then no one will dare to humiliate or insult you.
And further. Very important. Do not judge "all sorts of idiots", and do not call people that, do not consider them garbage. They are people just like you. Do not judge and you will not be judged. For by what judgment you judge, you will be judged. You see, you yourself treat people badly, what do you want in return?
I understand that the attitude of classmates has formed such a negative attitude towards the people around you. It turns out a vicious circle. Only you can break it. Start respecting other people, regardless of their actions (after all, you yourself attracted them into your life with your attitude), mentally forgive and thank your classmates for a valuable lesson: after all, they taught you to treat yourself right, pushed you to the fact that you went in for sports. Respecting other people, we first of all respect ourselves.
Stop treating people around you aggressively, condemningly. Learn to see the good in people. And then only good people will meet on your way! Why waste time to condemn someone, and, therefore, put them below yourself - after all, your classmates did the same towards you. Focus on your friends, appreciate them, respect them. And, believe me, your circle of friends will expand soon.
Good luck to you, Andrey!
Good answer 5 bad answer 4If the person who treats you badly belongs to your immediate environment, then you must definitely let him know that if he does not change his attitude, you will stop communicating. After all, your personal well-being is a priority.
If someone treats us badly, we have three options: react wisely, endure and humble, react aggressively. Managing your emotions in such tense situations is not so easy. After all, certain areas of our brain are activated at the same time. When we are treated badly, disrespectfully, or threatened, our prefrontal cortex, amygdala (amygdala), anterior cingulate cortex, and insula immediately begin to work. These areas are associated with our survival instinct, they are what make us react, showing aggression, or, conversely, running away from "danger". But such situations should be learned to manage through emotional intelligence. In this way, we rid ourselves of feelings of fear or anger that take over us completely and we can lose control of ourselves.
5 promises you need to make to yourself so you can respond appropriately when someone treats you inappropriately.
1. I promise myself to always remember who and what I am.
When someone treats us badly and oversteps all the boundaries of what is permitted, it greatly harms our self-esteem. Contempt, offensive words, humiliation, deceit.
If we face similar situations and similar attitudes towards ourselves, we feel overwhelmed and overwhelmed, because it hits something that we hold dearly: self-esteem and personal integrity.
And if someone tells you that "you are worthless" or "you are nothing," then the last thing you should do is to fly into a rage.
First and foremost, in this case: do not take other people's statements to heart. We should respond with dignity and always remember that we are worth a lot. Know your worth.
Other people's words do not characterize us. For this reason, you need to learn to perceive any aggression against you without losing your inner balance and without losing your temper.
2. I make a promise to myself to limit your aggression.
Imagine the following picture: a golden circle is floating around you, like a life-saving one. It allows you to “float” in any environment and environment: at home, at work, etc…
It is your support and daily strength that clears the way for you and paves the way ... But one day in life there is someone who comes too close to you.
He carries something sharp over his shoulders (spear, needle, whatever) and treacherously points it towards your lifebuoy to pierce it and bleed all the air out of it.
After that, you notice that you start to sink.
Don't let this happen to you. You have every right to prevent this, to defend yourself, to set boundaries, to determine what can and cannot be done.
Don't let yourself be harmed.
3. I make a promise to myself to speak confidently.
First, always and in any situation it is necessary to remain calm. Only then will you be able to speak confidently.
Imagine a palace, a white hall with open windows, through which light and air enter the room. Get in there and take a deep breath. Nothing that others say or do should make you forget who you are and what you are worth.
Once you feel absolutely calm, start talking. Being confident and even assertive means being able to speak calmly and at the same time tough, making it clear what you allow and what you do not have in relation to yourself.
Speak without fear, protect yourself.
4. I make a promise to myself to leave aside anyone who treats me badly.
Someone who treats you badly doesn't deserve your time or your concern. There are people - real specialists, "pros" to create problems for everyone. They try to infect everyone with their bad mood and disdain those who least deserve it.
Very often, those who oppress us are from our immediate environment: colleagues, relatives, or even our partner in life.
But here it is important not to forget one important rule: the one who treats you badly does not respect you, does not empathize, does not share your emotions. And you can’t live in such tension from day to day, it’s too destructive and destructive for your personality.
It is necessary to think about this and make an appropriate decision: to clearly tell this person that we cannot allow such an attitude towards us and allow him to continue to make us suffer. Let him know that if this continues, then we will have to distance ourselves from him and maintain this distance for our own good.
After all, your emotional well-being in this case is in the first place.
5. Make a promise to yourself to heal the wound and become even stronger.
In such situations, the closest people cause us the most suffering: our partner, brother, parents ... And sometimes it is not enough just to establish a distance. Disappointment and resentment remain, and this wound in the soul must be healed.
Give yourself time. You need time for yourself to make it easier, choose an activity that you like: walk, write, draw, travel, spend time with friends.
Comfort can be found in many things. But the best way to heal our wounds is to surround ourselves with people who truly love us and who deserve our love. And just as there are people who can bring sadness and sadness into our lives, there are those who will allow us to start over. Just find them. published
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet
Today I want to talk about such a perhaps strange topic as "Blocking on the acceptance of benefits and a good attitude."
Women, of course, want to be treated well: cared for, cared for, first of all, by a loved one or a husband, and in general from society.
At my consultations, of course, I hear that I want to be cherished and cherished, to be respected and recognized by a woman, to pay attention and just be glad that SHE is around. And often there really is something to rejoice at.
But for some reason this all somehow does not happen, they underestimate ...
Our psyche is so interestingly arranged that, with all the desire, the very acceptance of a kind, good, attentive, respectful attitude towards a woman can be blocked.
Why do my husband, beloved, relatives or just people around me treat me badly?
There is nothing surprising when something harmful is not accepted, but not accepting something that is beneficial seems strange ...
However, the internal logic is much more subtle.
If it happens that they begin to treat with care, and caring, and attentively, and respectfully, and respect and see talents, recognize and see talents and the fact that there is just a wonderful and wonderful person nearby, then there is such a danger that A woman will understand that her loved ones treat her oh, how bad .
And then this unkind attitude of loved ones against such a background will begin to feel particularly acute. And the question already arises: what to do with such relations. And this usually requires large resources, both external and internal, and this smells like big changes.
Therefore, it is often easier to block a good attitude even from those from whom it is possible, so as not to face your fears, beliefs, feelings of guilt and shame (which are often false in women).
After all, it has long been proven in practice that we initiate and provoke in people certain aspects of their personality, character traits, depending on what we internally sound like.
How did it happen that we do not let good real sincere relationships into our lives?
How can a woman herself unconsciously attract men who treat women badly?
In childhood, we could not send to the devil's grandmother if we were treated badly: if it was rudeness, callousness, rudeness, inattention, coldness, etc. The child is dependent on his elders: dad, mom, grandparents.
And since he is dependent, he is forced to endure the attitude that he has, because his loved ones are the guarantor of his safety, his survival.
And as a result, very strange and destructive associations are obtained, for example,
Coldness=Safety
Suppression=Love
Such associations can live inside for decades and sometimes they are not easy to pick out. Until a woman sees them, does not give them a place, does not realize the difference between these concepts, things will be there even now. A woman will stubbornly climb into relationships in which there will be rudeness, coldness, etc. Simply because it symbolizes safety for her.
In fact, there is no smell of safety and love there. It destroys the psyche, and then health. In fact, this is a significant danger. And it is important to understand inside and put everything in its true place.
As a result, the child freezes in some kind of hopelessness: “I can’t reject such an attitude, because I simply won’t survive. And if I also realize that this is a bad attitude - from the people closest to me, then what can I expect from strangers?
For a child, this is just horror and the world turns into a complete nightmare. Therefore, in the child's psyche, nature has created such a protective mechanism that "dad, mom, grandmother are good in any way," as a rule, this is also suggested by the environment.
So the child endures this for a long time and gets used to it, it becomes a kind of internal norm, even if there is a riot outside ...
Girls are usually, unfortunately, more patient in this sense than boys.
Girls are generally more inclined to perceive that "if something is wrong, then it's my fault, then I deserve it." Boys are more inclined to look for reasons in the outside world.
Thus mistreatment becomes natural to the psyche. All the time there is discomfort inside, but it is no longer realized.
The good news is that we have already grown.
There is a story about elephants, how they are kept in India.
At first, when it is still a small baby elephant, a not very strong rope is tied to a small peg so that it can only move a certain distance, further - no, no.
Of course, at first the baby elephant tries, tries, pulls, but he can’t escape. Associated with this, he has learned helplessness. He grows, becomes a big, healthy, strong elephant. But he doesn’t even try anymore, he’s used to the fact that it can’t be otherwise and he doesn’t have the strength to change it.
He does not realize that the situation has already changed very much.
So our psyche happens that it freezes in some kind of state: “it has always been like this, it means it’s normal, or I can’t cope with it.”
But it is already possible to get out of these children's pants, get rid of internal restrictions, increase internal resources. To do this, there are various techniques, practices to clean out all the fears, resentments, unlived heavy feelings that drag you to the bottom like a stone. Become cleaner, stronger, healthier.
And in the end acceptance of a good relationship appears , it becomes adequate to the inner feeling of oneself. It is no longer scary to accept it and see in contrast what important relationships with loved ones are. There is no longer such a fear of not coping.
“Yes, it might be a shock while I rebuild relationships with some of my environment, maybe even someone will have to leave the environment, but I can handle it.”
This is where working with the inner parent helps a lot. He is often suppressive, aggressive, critical, but he can gradually be translated into a supportive one. And then, in a difficult situation, something inside you will say instead of “well, you’ve got yourself into trouble again!”, but “it’s okay, now we’ll turn there, read here, find out there, consult and slowly figure it out step by step” or “on Let's go and do it!" This is how the inner resource manifests itself.
What else can prevent a kind, good, respectful attitude from coming into your life, the fact that you are valued and respected, loved, just welcome to you?
The reasons may be different. But your answer will be to the question:
And what is the worst thing that will happen if they start treating me well, if I accept the very attitude that I so desire? What will happen then?
Popular responses I hear are:
Then I will MUST !!! - this is for serious work with self-worth.
Then I will generally relax, stop developing, I will not strive for anything, like a jellyfish in the sun. (This is far from always the case, often simply inspired from childhood, that “you only need to be driven with sticks in order to do something, but you don’t do it yourself, lazy, stupid!)
I won’t be able to relax at all, because it’s unusual for me and I’ll wait for a catch - this is to work with an inner protector and healthy contact with my
aggression.
I will go to the dressing, then SUCH will get out of me, if they start treating me well, that then everyone will definitely turn away. (With such things, it’s either an appointment with a psychologist or, if you are a believer, in your faith, turn to God, he will accept everyone, no matter what cockroaches or cockroaches you are. This acceptance from there is also very good to feel. )
Women also have an interesting effect, they say: “He treats me well, and I start doing THIS, yes, I’m shocked by myself! What's coming out of me! I start throwing tantrums, some nit-picking ..
In fact, this is a story about the fact that a woman felt safe, her psyche felt safe and the subconscious understands "Oh, finally we can get rid of this horror and unlived emotions that we have accumulated inside and we can trust this person. And he seems to be able to withstand this to some extent."
So “She throws tantrums at him” is not always about the fact that he is henpecked or not like that, but she is hysterical. It could just be that she was 20-30-40 years old badly, squeezed, there was no one to trust. And then a good person appears and he gets it.
That's why accumulated unlived feelings must be decomposed into several "baskets" : something for a friend, something with a psychologist, something with a priest, something with the elders, something to live by herself and only a part so that the man gets, otherwise he, the poor, can not stand it.
And yet it can be a sign of trust.
May you always have inner permission for all the best,
