The world is developing - new diverse phenomena appear in it, which are given various names. In this way, a large amount of modern terminology is created, which can be difficult to understand.

Etymology of the word

As is often the case, you can understand what a transgender is by using the meaning hidden inside the word. The modern term was formed from the English language, but even before that the concept existed in Latin.

The word "genus" in Latin means "genus". Later, the word "gender" appeared in English with the same meaning. All that remains is to add the term "trance" to the term. In Latin, she was known as the word "transire", which translated as "to cross the borders."

Today the word "trance" is perceived as some psychological changes in consciousness. If you combine all these concepts together, then you can roughly understand the essence of the term.

With the help of etymology, it became clear that the meaning of the word lies in psychological changes in terms of gender. In simple terms, transgender people are These are people who believe they belong to the opposite sex.

People have different attitudes towards this issue. However, although many believe that transgenderness, like homosexuality, are harmful elements of modernity, in fact, this has existed for a long time.

Of course, it is unlikely that it will be possible to find clear scientific information that a woman considered herself a man, or vice versa, but a lot can be understood from ancient myths and legends. In them, situations quite often surfaced when a person acquired a different gender through “transformation”, and this was considered absolutely normal.

Most likely, Transgender people have always existed, however, only modern norms allowed them to declare themselves.

Who are transgender people?

Transgenderness is based on the moment when a person realizes that his gender does not suit him. Very often this happens in quite early childhood, in connection with which we can say that transgender people do not become, but are born. However, awareness of this kind can also occur in adulthood.

A person who is dissatisfied with his gender experiences serious psychological discomfort, and often suffers from the fact that he has to hide his condition. Fortunately, in modern realities there are so-called "sex reassignment operations" (in fact, they are a long-term set of measures), and for many this becomes a real salvation.

It is unlikely that it will be possible to identify a transgender by external data, especially if this person hides his inner discomfort. As a rule, a man who wants to become a woman still does not walk around the street in a dress, and if he does, then it is not so easy to determine his male gender by appearance.

Facts about being transgender

Now that it is roughly clear what transgender and transgender are, it is worth paying attention to some facts that need to be learned in relation to this phenomenon.

• Transgender people are not sick, they cannot be treated. These people are not considered mentally ill.
• Transgenderism is not a modern phenomenon, it has existed almost always, only the attitude of people to such a fact has changed.
• Personal definition of one's gender has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Often, couples in which one of the spouses has changed sex are preserved.
• Not every transgender decides on a long process of techniques and operations, popularly called "sex change surgery". For some, this is in principle impossible for medical reasons.
• Transgender transition can occur at any age.
• After the “sex change”, a person has the right to change his documents, indicating a new name and gender. However, this can take years.

The story of 22-year-old Zhenya from Tyumen, who spoke about his transgender transition

Start

For the first time I thought about the issues of gender and my own gender identity at about the age of 15-16. In my case, these considerations began when I discovered in myself an interest in girls. There was a strange feeling that something was wrong with me, but what exactly was not clear. The constant feeling that I am deceiving someone, pretending that I am not me, and this is not only about sexual orientation.

In search of information, I found a lot of some crazy articles filled with myths. One of the most common myths is: “transgender people do not live long after the transition.” In fact, there is no reliable evidence that the life expectancy of transgender people is less than the life of everyone else. In general, then I did not understand what was happening to me, I was anxious about this, there was not much to talk to, so I acted on a whim: I changed the generic endings, gradually climbed into men's clothes. It was a common thing back then, so I'm sure a lot of people didn't take me seriously.

“There was a strange feeling that something was wrong with me, but what exactly was not clear. The constant feeling that I am deceiving someone, pretending that I am not me, and this is not only about sexual orientation.

Transition

Transition, also known as transition, is the process of gender reassignment, which includes all stages: change of documents, hormonal therapy, surgery. Each transgender person has the right to independently determine the scope of the required interventions. It is a pity that the current order does not always allow this. If you have not identified yourself as transgender, then you are cisgender. Yes, it also has a name.

The general and most common order of stages is as follows: psychiatric commission - hormonal therapy - surgery - change of documents. However, there are many variations.

First you need to get a psychiatric diagnosis, which indicates the absence of mental illness and a strong desire to change sex. There are several such commissions in Russia, the closest to us is in Yekaterinburg. Many psychiatrists use outdated criteria to make decisions, such as being heterosexual in relation to their desired gender or being transgender in early childhood, which often complicates the process. Many transgender people have to twist or hush up certain parts of their lives, conforming to the standard that psychiatrists want to hear.

During the entire examination, I could not help feeling a constant external control, as if there had to be some right way [to behave]. I was very nervous while waiting for the commission's conclusion. In my opinion, it is paradoxical that doctors expect transgender people to have a good level of social adaptation in the desired gender. That being said, I haven't heard anything yet about transgender psychiatrists who have any idea how real this is at all. Unfortunately, without this "permission" legally nothing can be done.

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is something that changes appearance. In my case, this is a coarsening of the voice (I love my current voice), an increase in hairline, an increase in muscle mass, a coarsening of facial features. Often transgender people start this event on their own, without going through a commission, without being seen by an endocrinologist - a doctor competent in these matters still needs to be found to begin with. I understand this rush, but I urge you to remember your health and take care of yourself.

Surgical operations also involve multi-stage. In theory, each and every one has the right to independently decide whether he/she needs operations, and if so, which ones.

“After all of the above, in the standard version, the state allows you to change documents. That is, you can safely go through a couple of years with a bearded face, but according to your passport remain Katya, for example.

Documents change according to the scheme: birth certificate (registry office) - passport (FMS) - everything else. The quest is not for the faint of heart, I must say. The registry office for changing documents requires a certificate of the established form, which was issued by a medical organization. The problem is that the pattern doesn't exist. In some regions, the registry office immediately writes a refusal and sends it to the court, in others they require a conclusion on a surgical operation, the results of which are irreversible. For some reason, the fact that operations can be dangerous to health is not taken into account. Yes, and common sense tells me that in which case it is easier to change the paper than to sew body parts back on.

Personally, I had to sue a little more than six months to get the necessary document, on the basis of which I change all the others. At the same time, the employees of the registry office acted in accordance with the instructions that they have. Everyone understood everything, but due to a legislative gap, litigation was needed. With a positive response from the court, I again came to the registry office, and then they immediately issued me a new birth certificate.

It was fun at the FMS. When I entered the office, it was already the end of the working day, the employee spoke strictly, demanded something from me. I explained what the essence of the request was, said that the MFC did not understand me, and then she relaxed, cheered up and said: “So you have our first copy in a year, of course, they don’t know what to do with you there.”

Those retrained from "F" to "M" also need to get on the military register. They won’t be drafted into the army, but you will have to go through a commission and all this. At the first presentation of a new passport at the military registration and enlistment office, their eyes bulged at me with the phrase: “What? Have you ever been registered anywhere?!” Like I really owe them something. As a result, I was written off for a military ID for a very real peptic ulcer.

“Many transgender people have to twist or hush up certain parts of their lives, to conform to the standard that psychiatrists want to hear.”

The website of the Transgender Legal Aid Project has a F.A.Q. for changing documents in the Russian Federation, additional specifics depend on the specific region and, moreover, on specific people. The opacity of this entire procedure with the change of documents causes a lot of trouble. I honestly don't understand why I had to go through all this just to have my name written on my passport.

Transition experience

It is interesting how my sense of self changed during this whole process. First, trying to somehow understand what's wrong with me. Then I decided everything, I realized that I am a transgender. It was a difficult stage: the system in which we live does not provide for the existence of such elements. Have you ever found it difficult to choose a gym locker room or a public bathroom door? Many probably don't realize how stressful it can be. I tried my best to avoid such places. Sometimes I just couldn’t go out into the street, go to college, because there again everything reminded me of how others see me: not at all the way I saw myself. This feeling of constant anxiety and fear of being rejected.

In my eyes, I was wrong, a mistake that can never be completely corrected. He experienced a lot of self-hatred for his wrongness. A constant feeling of intense discomfort in one's own body. There were suicidal thoughts. To cope with this, I was helped by close people who accepted me, and professional psychological help. I am sincerely grateful to everyone who supported me. I think I could get out on my own, but I don't know how or where. A very important point is the search for specific information and drawing up a plan taking into account the necessary and available resources. This allowed me not to drown in my feelings, but to consistently act in accordance with the decision made.

When I passed the psychiatric commission and received permission for further actions, I found myself in a hole: it was not clear what was next. In addition, my appearance was changing rapidly, the documents no longer corresponded to it, and I did not understand exactly how to correct this misunderstanding. I don't have the legal literacy to do it myself, given that the procedure isn't very clear. In search of information about friendly doctors and lawyers, I contacted a local LGBT organization. At that time I was very skeptical about activism, I thought that I would just find out everything I needed and leave. Unexpectedly for myself, I found such communication there, which allowed me to expand my ideas about gender, which were quite patriarchal and tough at that time.

Until that moment, I was a man with all my might, and I was embarrassed of all “unmanly” manifestations, I was worried that someone would perceive me as unreal, unequal. The main question that I asked myself: what does it mean to feel like a “man” / “woman”? How does it feel? And then other questions followed about what a “man” and “woman” are in principle, why the importance of being a “woman” and “man” is constantly reminded: “do not behave like a girl”, “what are you like a man”, “girls don’t behave like that” - and how to live with all this in general.

“In my own eyes, I was wrong, a mistake that can never be fully corrected”

After much thought and searching, my perceptual scheme with all its "real men and women" inevitably collapsed with no hope of recovery. And it was amazing. It seems to me that only at this moment I could afford to be. Now I don’t want to build myself into all these gender models anymore, I don’t see a personal need for this. Gender is a permanent role-playing game that has non-gaming implications, maintaining the strong-weak dichotomy. Sometimes I feel embarrassed or even offended when they mistake me for cisgender. No, I don't want to play it.

people around

We have a difficult relationship with our parents: we are quite distant from each other, there is no open conflict either. We have talked about this topic several times. To my first message that I was transgender, the reaction of my parents was like “you will change your mind” and “you just didn’t have a normal man.” This is not their wording, but I took the message that way.

The next time I spoke about it a year later, already indicating some specific intentions. Here they already reacted quite emotionally. After another year - "apparently, you feel better, but we will not accept you as a son." It is still difficult for them, but there is some progress. I appreciate the freedom of choice given to me.

For a while, I found it fun to tell people about my transgender and see the reaction. It should be noted that I look like an ordinary cisgender guy. And so, we were talking with one unfamiliar guy, and somehow it happened that I told him: “You know, I'm a transgender.” He, after a pause, asked: “Do you want to become a girl?”

It so happened that girlfriends and friends accepted me without any questions. However, this is my own business, what questions can there be in general. The university also accepted me. I suppose this happened, among other things, because of the specifics of the profession received: psychologists, after all. I've been lucky in a lot of ways. For example, I have not experienced physical violence and direct aggression against me. Unfortunately, this is not true for all transgender people.

“Have you ever found it difficult to choose a gym locker room or a public bathroom door? Many probably don't realize how stressful it can be."

The people I was in a romantic relationship with were aware of my features in advance and accepted them. Once upon a time it was a hindrance, but it was due to my attitude towards these features, all that I said about the feeling of being wrong. Because of this, it was difficult for me to believe that someone could like me. Now I'm all right.

Close relationships are about the interaction of personalities in the first place. For me, my transgender experience is very valuable. If for some reason he doesn’t like the person with whom I communicate, we probably just won’t get along, that’s all.

A quick guide on how to communicate with a transgender person

1. As with a person.
2. You are amazing!*
* In fact, you would not tell people that their name is not at all what they just introduced themselves to you, or decide for them whether they are warm or cold.

activism

About a year ago, I started doing activist work. Tyumen feminist initiative Gerbera” was created in August 2015 by two activists and with my participation. In the header of the group on Vkontakte, you can read about its mission, goals and objectives. Spoiler: overcoming discrimination based on sex and gender, prevention of violence through education, legal and psychological assistance to victims.

“On my first message that I was transgender, the reaction of my parents was like “you still change your mind” and “you just didn’t have a normal man.”

Creating a safe environment for women, those who are perceived as women, is a must. Often a woman does not even have anyone to turn to if she is in trouble. She can be laughed at and bullied. Unfortunately, feminism is still a joke, which is also significant - if you notice that there is a problem, you will have to do something about it, so it's easier to discount all this and send feminists to the kitchen. To all the guys who read this text - listen to your friends and girlfriends, to their experiences. Women are people. And transgender people are people. Here it seems like 2016 has already arrived, but for some reason this idea is still not clear to everyone.

With the abbreviation LGBT, too, everything is ambiguous. First, there should be more letters if the list continues in the same logic. At least LGBTQIA, where KIA is queer, intersex, asexual. Secondly, often these four letters mean only gays. Well, or they assume that there are other people there, but they still talk about gays. This is a problem as the rest of the groups become invisible because of this. A vivid illustration: when I enter an LGBT space, many strangers automatically decide that I am gay. At first it amused me, but now it's annoying, to be honest.

If we talk specifically about "T", then for many it is generally a big mystery, including among the "LGB". For me, the problems of all these groups are included in one big area of ​​​​gender and sexuality. Within the T-community itself, there are also enough different opinions about the phenomenon and what we need. People are different and so are the needs.

“Unfortunately, feminism is still a joke, which is also significant - if you notice that there is a problem, you have to do something about it, so it’s easier to discount all this and send feminists to the kitchen”

Over the past year, my main activity as an activist has been gender and transgender education, psychological support for transgender people. But now I have moved to St. Petersburg, there are already some plans and ideas for implementation. I hope everything works out.

Privilege

What I didn't expect in all of this was how people's attitude towards me changed on the grounds that I just look like a "man". My opinion became more meaningful, I was interrupted less. It is easier for me to speak, because the attitude towards me has become more respectful in general. There are fewer requirements [now] for my appearance, they do not require constant accuracy and diligence from me. Now I'm just allowed more. I can also walk down the street alone at night without fear of harassment. The world has become much safer for me. And the whole thing is called privileges. Those who have them usually do not realize these benefits, it seems to them that this is the norm. No wonder, because privileges are given from birth. In general, this is some kind of total injustice, which has tragic consequences.

“Women are people. And transgender people are people. Here it seems like 2016 has already arrived, but for some reason this idea is still not clear to everyone. ”

A similar situation in which there is a privileged and an oppressed group is relevant for many other parameters. For example, oppression can occur on the basis of transgender, nationality, disability, sexual orientation, and others. Being a cisgender, you are unlikely to fear that you will be denied boarding a train or plane due to inconsistencies in appearance and passport data. And it is unlikely that someone, having learned that you are a cisgender, will immediately become interested in the contents of your underpants, without being your doctor or sexual partner. So, check your privilege.

Likbez

Floor- a complex multilevel system that includes genetic sex, chromosome sex, gonadal sex, internal and external morphological sex, reproductive sex, etc. What is commonly called the biological sex, in fact, is the obstetric sex, assigned at birth, and then - passport. This is important for understanding how diverse human nature can be. Intersex people, whose sex at birth cannot be unambiguously determined as “female” or “male”, often undergo surgery in early childhood: the external sexual characteristics are corrected surgically, based on what is easier to do - “female” or “male” . Such mutilation operations have no indications, except for the “gender concern” of doctors, but they have many negative physical and psychological consequences for the operated people, who are built into this system, literally cut to fit the template.

Gender is a socio-cultural construct that contains ideas about female, male and ways of their interaction.

Gender identity is a multi-level system that is built on the basis of belonging to the biological sex, personal psychological characteristics, which are traditionally described based on ideas about gender and sensory preferences of a person. It is often defined more narrowly as a sense of belonging to a particular gender.

The term "transgender" is used to refer to all variants of non-conformity of gender identity with the assigned sex.

It is important to understand that there are other ways of gender identification, not only "female" or "male". Moreover, there are a lot of names for these identities, people here are limited only by fantasy.

This terminology, like any other, is conditional; there are different opinions about its accuracy and correctness. But what is written above seems to be the most common option.

Materials on the topic

24.05.2016, 15:19

Transgenders are people whose internal sense of gender does not match.
with the physical. According to the dictionary definition, such individuals "identify with the sex opposite to the one assigned",
or "have identities that go beyond the binary gender system". Many people still confuse transgender people with transvestites, calling one another and vice versa, and even within the LGBT community, transgender people often face misunderstanding and alienation. A person suffering from such an internal conflict and not meeting understanding in society experiences severe stress. However, it is not easy for the relatives of a transgender, whose life is also irrevocably changing. The Village spoke to a Muscovite who once found out that his daughter is actually a son, and asked him about the adoption process, the reactions of relatives and friends, attitudes towards gender reassignment surgery and grandchildren.

Two images

I am 53 years old, I live in Moscow. I am the father of a transgender child. He first spoke to us parents about his gender identity when he was 14 years old. Since then, 12 years have passed. Now my wife and I have almost completely been able to accept the fact that our child is the so-called F to M (that is, female-to-male; a man who is biologically female. - Approx. ed.).
But this, of course, did not happen immediately, even though we have
The family has a very open and trusting relationship.

Now the child is 26 years old, he is an adult and responsible person. I remember from an early age he was fond of role-playing games. Interests revolved around the Tolkien universe: The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion. Aragorn was my favorite character. My wife and I have always taken the most active part in his life. They even helped him sew costumes: my wife is almost a professional artist and knows how to do a lot with her hands. In general, words like "cosplay"
and talking about different images in our family was not new. And when the child first shared with us his inner sense of gender, we first thought that this was some kind of game again.

At first, we tried to distance ourselves from any serious conversations.
on this topic. But we must give credit to the child, he did a great job with us. Each time he began another dialogue cautiously. He said:
“I periodically feel as if I live in two different images.
But in reality, it's not always just an image."

It seemed impossible for us to scold or condemn him. Another thing -
it was difficult to understand that this was not just a whim. All this time, the child very delicately explained everything, without entering into a confrontation and without making scandals. Thanks to this, for the last five years, we have perceived the situation
as a normal part of your life. Perhaps this was facilitated by a stable relationship between the child and his partner. Yes, and in all the rest
areas of life - in study and work - everything is fine with him.

Nervousness and general tension persisted in the family for several years. But the thought
that it is necessary to terminate the relationship with the child because of this, it did not even cross our minds. Although the path was difficult. Even with my wife, we could not always talk frankly about this.

I must say that it was easier for me than for my wife. She is quite a modern person, but it is more difficult for mothers in general in such a situation. In addition, I am engaged in human rights activities and, due to the specifics of my work, I know many gays and lesbians. But not transgender people - they are difficult to identify because even within the LGBT community they are highly marginalized. Like any normal human rights activist, I am sensitive to the problems of minorities
and discrimination. My personal life, by the way, influenced my professional one. I used to get into cases of racism often, but now I spend a lot of time on the issue of LGBT discrimination - partly because of the child, partly because of my own beliefs. On the other hand, the work also made my life easier, allowing me to better understand my child.

We raised our daughter all our lives. And it was hard to accept
that fact,
now that's a son

Internal conflict

It took us a lot of internal work. The first difficult stage was the acceptance of the fact that before us is another person. It took time to realize that what we experienced together is connected with another life of another girl. This is an important story, but it has remained in the past, in our memory,
and now it has nothing to do with us.

And we raised our daughter all our lives. And it was hard to accept the fact
that is now a son. But it is still difficult for us to call him a son, even in a personal conversation. That's why we usually say "child". Sometimes a wife accidentally, in the heat of her emotions, may refer to a child in the feminine gender or call him “she”.

Even after we found out everything, we continued to dress up the child for a long time
in dresses, and for a long time I showed insensitivity. Not out of malice and not on purpose, of course. For example, when the child had a graduation at school, I bought him festive dresses. How uncomfortable he was! But he was able to play the situation to
not to injure us or other parents (classmates have long known): at the official part he was in a dress and made up, and for the rest of the evening he was dressed like a boy.

At school, by the way, we were different. In the middle
In the classroom, the child faced terrible harassment, bullying. I can’t say that this is connected precisely with his gender identity, but there was bullying - I don’t even want to remember it. Then we went to the States, and there he went to an American school for a couple of years. Then we returned to Russia,
to his school, and the child could only spend a year there - everything was so hard. Therefore, I had to transfer to another, where the child had a wonderful relationship with classmates. The guys and teachers called him a man's name and perceived him quite calmly.

Compared to gender reassignment everything else seems normal.
And the main barrier is interaction
with people

Relatives are a different story. A year ago after severe oncology
my wife's mother died, with whom we all had the warmest close relationship. The child loved her very much and did not want to injure her during her lifetime.
He immediately told us that he would not radically change his appearance as long as the grandmother was alive. I can't even imagine what a terrible internal conflict it is: to love your grandmother, but subconsciously wait for the time when you can be free.

Previously, the child often went to the Catholic Church. Went with friends
and with my girlfriend. He talked a lot with the holy father, hoping that in this community he would be accepted for who he is. There are only two such churches in Moscow.
And quite a few transgender people, who are constantly under pressure from society, seek salvation and understanding precisely in faith. It is important to be able to come to church when you are in trouble. The Catholic Church in Russia is obviously more receptive to people
than the ROC. And the current pope is much less conservative than the previous one. The social situation within the parishes is also different: they have a youth club, they play the guitar there, and the relationship between the priest and the flock is completely different. But, unfortunately, he was also not fully accepted in the temple, and the child endured it hard.

Gender in life and according to the passport

The question of how and by whom to introduce yourself to new people is quite acute for transgender people. I asked the kid about it and he said
that he tries not to deceive anyone, as much as possible. Sometimes the interlocutor himself understands everything from the context, sometimes he learns from the words of other people. But in many ways, the degree of frankness depends on the person in front of you. You won’t explain to everyone you meet: “According to my passport, I am Ira, and in life - Vasya.” After all, not even every loved one is ready to accept such personal information.

In addition to the strict distribution of gender roles, in our society there are also ideas about how and to whom you can make your intimate life public. Even many so-called liberals talk about gays with disgust: "Live in your bedroom as you like, but don't interfere with us." That is, it seems that gays and lesbians become perverts in the eyes of people also because supposedly something is “pulled out” for public viewing.

At first, it is not always possible to understand who is in front of you: now there are many young people with an androgynous appearance around. But we are constantly dealing with documents and social restrictions. And often transgender people remain recorded as those who have not been for a long time. For some reason, even when registering for a flight, you must indicate your gender. How will your seat on the plane change at all if you are not a woman, but a man? Why is there no "other" option? Why, even as a transgender, do you still have to go strictly to the women's or strictly to the men's room? Society just decided that.

barriers

Inside the transgender there is a constant fierce conflict between the desired gender and the one given to him by nature. You look in the mirror -
and constantly live in conflict with yourself. Because of this, our child developed severe dysphoria - a feeling of psychological discomfort,
with which it is difficult to exist. He was always prone to nervous breakdowns.
and severe hysterical states, and recently they have only become aggravated. However, for the last four years he has been responsibly approaching
to this: goes to a psychotherapist, takes pills. But the further
the more difficult. After all, he lives in constant expectation that everything is about to be resolved. Let the years are still young, but they go.

When a person first becomes aware of an internal gender conflict during puberty, it seems to him that very soon everything will form and develop.
But time passes, and all the time there are reasons that do not give something
get settled in life. It's not just about medical indicators. In the world
in general, and in our country in particular, the issue of the well-being of transgender people is still very acute. Because for most people who know my child, transgenderism is a deviation. Compared to gender reassignment, everything else seems normal. And the main barrier is interaction with people, those who surrounded in a past life and who surrounds in the present.

For some reason, the first perception of a person always occurs through gender.
When a person is born, the first thing they look at is the color of the jumpsuit.
and ask who was born, a boy or a girl. Not about being pretty, or healthy, not about eye color or weight. As for his gender.

Therapy

We have been discussing the possibility of a mastectomy operation for a long time. But a few years ago, we were literally shaking at the thought of it. Now the child does not think
about surgical intervention with primary genital organs - for appearance, facial features and chest are of primary importance. They are also looked at when changing documents, and here hormone therapy and mastectomy are enough.

The child has already started hormone therapy. Proudly straightens up, says: "Look, my shoulders have become wider." Okay, I just smile back.

Legally, gender reassignment in our country is regulated very poorly. It seems to be not prohibited, but getting permission is not so easy. Much depends on the region. For example, St. Petersburg is a more developed city in this sense. There was a particular doctor and his team who worked with transgender people. These people observed the patient for a year, making sure that he was indeed psychologically a person of the opposite sex. Although it is clear that from the point of view of operation
and hormones, the process is largely reversible, and many, as the child told me, even win back something.

The situation in our country has gone haywire in many ways. The state has embarked on a return to traditional values, which has only increased homophobic hostility. Until 2012, we lived without an ideology, and now we have received as a reference point the opposition of some fictitious regressive landmarks. Everything is linked to one another. And we, of course, are now telling the child and his girlfriend that we need to leave. On the one hand, you are already suffering simply because of psychological discomfort, and on the other hand, you still have to constantly struggle with public perception. But here the obvious question arises: “Where to go, how will I be valuable there? Here I can do something
and there?"

grandchildren

Of course, we would like grandchildren. Not paranoid, but still. Due to various circumstances, my wife and I ourselves could not have so many children,
as desired. We are not obsessed with procreation, but it is clear
that everyone wants to educate a new generation in due time.

Now we have much less contact with relatives. Between themselves
we don’t articulate it in any way, but mainly in order to avoid unnecessary questions like “Well, when will yours get married there, when will the kids?”.
Do we constantly make a stupid face and just as stupidly answer? It is not pleasant to betray in this way your child, whose life and choice we have accepted.

So far, this is an insurmountable barrier for me: to openly announce to my environment that my child is transgender. Some of my colleagues gradually understood something themselves, but I am not ready for full publicity. I think my wife is the same.
We involuntarily narrow the circle of communication. It is clear that some of our mutual friends would treat everything with understanding, and yet reveal such things
Neither I nor my wife are ready yet.

With the child we live separately for a long time. My parents died,
and the child settled in their apartment with a friend. We communicate well - we go to cafes and chat or just sit in the stairwell, smoke
and we talk. Sometimes we walk in the park, but this is less common. We walk
to art exhibitions, sometimes to the cinema. From the old we love "Forrest Gump" and "Rain Man". And so we look at the most different.

ILLUSTRATIONS: Andrey Smirny

Transgender - what is it

Transgender is a discrepancy between the inner feeling of a person and the sex established at birth. Many transgender people compare themselves to the opposite sex, and some to the transgender species.

Such an internal discrepancy between physical gender and internal self-perception gives rise to an insurmountable psychological discomfort in a person, called gender dysphoria. Such a discrepancy is often accompanied by deep depressions, and periodically by absolute apathy. According to statistics, about 10% comes down to the desire for suicide.
Over the past ten years, numerous studies have presented scientific results that the internal structure of the brain of transgender people differs from the device of "standard" girls and boys. A number of scientists suggest that the phenomenon of transgenderism is inextricably linked with this factor.

An important fact is that transsexuality has nothing to do with sexual orientation: like a simple person who does not have phenomenal deviations, a transsexual can turn out to be heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual.

transgender children. Problems of children and adolescents

A full understanding of transgenderness, according to statistics, comes to a person at about 20 years of age, despite the fact that the primary signs of transsexuality may appear already at the childhood stage. At a very young age, older people often turn to transgender boys, thinking to themselves “why wasn’t he born a girl?”. Girls who have a similar phenomenon seem hyperactive, restless, playful and mischievous. In many cases, parents are in no hurry to correct such behavior, giving the child complete freedom. Because of this, transgender girls feel much freer than boys who can hardly bear their discrepancy with the biological sex.

Hypersensitivity and excessively manifested "femininity" of boys can be mistaken by parents for a vivid manifestation of homosexuality. This is followed by a series of wrong decisions, in an attempt to "save" their child. Having discovered in their child certain signs of hermaphroditism, as well as “feminine” behavior that is unusual for boys, relatives begin to put pressure on the baby’s psyche, literally forcibly instilling the concepts of “right” and “wrong”, not paying attention to the internal, and sometimes external expression of the child’s resistance .
Literature and science knows cases when such children were even subjected to violence, mutilation, trauma. Parents could not accept such moments as the boy's desire to wear women's clothes and the like, although with his behavior the boy only copies the girls - girlfriends. Pressure on the child at such a moment, rejection and unwillingness to understand becomes a disaster for the mental balance of the child, an obstacle to the formation of his personality, the inner "I"

Such children always seek contact with their school friends or kindergarten neighbors, most often of the opposite sex, since their gender identity is similar to our child. Contact with peers of the same biological sex causes difficulties, different interests, ideas, worldview.
Many transgender children become "black sheep" in the society of their peers with angry, categorical and unacceptable deviations from the truth. They continue to grow up in constant ridicule and condemnation from others and at home.

By the time of puberty, adolescents are waiting for another stressful factor, the fight against it becomes one of the goals in life - this is the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics. The culmination of the rupture of soul and body for a person. The inferiority complex and other accompanying psychological problems further aggravate the problem of a teenager. Sexopathological problems also arise due to psychological impotence, the realization of sexual desire becomes impossible.

Having fully realized their gender identity, transgender teenagers try to express themselves as a member of the opposite sex, for example by wearing different clothes. Some of them are sometimes even perceived as a person of a different sex, and this leads to some kind of platonic relationship. But still, a significant part of transsexual teenagers comes to loneliness, they feel closed and outcasts of this society, there is a hatred for their own body and a desire to meet generally accepted standards. Hiding his terrible secret, the heartache grows, which becomes more and more unbearable.

The problem of transition to the desired gender

The problem of transition has many aspects: disclosure of one's status, gender correction, change of documents and approval in the social environment as a new person. In addition to a long period of time, he will have to face a series of medical, legal and socio-psychological obstacles.

Firstly Qualified medical care in the field of hormone therapy is often not available within the regional framework and is possible only in regional centers. Individuals were repeatedly identified who made an attempt to take hormonal drugs on their own, which affected their appearance, and in the future gave rise to problems in the bank, at the post office, when traveling abroad.

Secondly any surgical intervention requires preconditions, namely the recognition of gender identity at the legal level. Often people do not agree to be subjected to such operations because of their unwillingness to be disclosed, and also because of the lack of financial resources to pay for such an expensive operation,

Thirdly and perhaps most importantly, the persecution and discrimination of the surrounding world, at work, study, places of recreation and entertainment, and even just on the street. Society rejects everything non-standard, builds negative stereotypes, leading to phobias and self-isolation.

In the modern world, when the ecology has changed so much, and science has reached unprecedented heights, phenomena become part of our lives, their number is growing, which means that one day such people may be in our family or company. It is necessary to remember the principle of humanism and equality of people, to be more lenient and respectful of people who did not give up without a fight.

The word "transgender" was formed from the English "gender", in turn, derived from the Latin "genus", which means "genus". The word “trance” was “attached” to it, in this case, having a psychological “bias” - (Latin transire - to cross the boundaries of something) and characterizing the state of altered consciousness. As you can see, the definition of the word transgender actually means people with different ideas about their gender.

Transgender - what does it mean?

There are plenty of disputes about the possibility of changing the gender of a person, but, in fairness, it is worth noting that such people existed at all times, but the attitude towards them was different. In the myths and legends of ancient civilizations, one can find a large number of confirmations of the “transformation” of a man into a woman or vice versa, and they wrote about this as a completely common phenomenon. In later times, people tried to figure out who they are, transgenders. No less interested in the answer to this question were the “culprits” themselves, who from childhood felt psychological discomfort from such uncertainty. As a rule, the laws of society did not welcome the appearance of such "dissimilar" people, and they carefully concealed their suffering and thoughts about who they really are and what to do with it.

How does this happen?

Often, the uncertainty in determining the gender of such people gives rise to the question of why they become transgender, and it requires clarification, since transgenders are not so much made as born. And if they do, it's not for fun at all.

Today, it is no secret to anyone that the lack of satisfaction in connection with belonging to one or the other sex, for many, already occurs in childhood or adolescence. A vivid example of this is the "cavalry girl" Nadezhda Durova, who became the prototype of the main character of the film "Hussar Ballad". In her memoirs, she wrote that she was disgusted with her gender, and in ordinary life she constantly walked in a man's dress and demanded that she be called not Nadezhda, but Alexander. That is, everything that happens to such people happens, rather, at the subconscious level. This is not fun dressing up and tomfoolery. Sex change is a serious decision, which, most often, is dictated by the “will of the flesh”, and not by the desire to “promote” and surprise someone.

What are they, transgenders?

Those who want to know what transgender people look like and expect to see some kind of monsters will be disappointed: with rare exceptions, they look quite attractive. The story of the cute eight-year-old daughter of "star" parents Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, who is already, in fact, a transgender, is widely known. She feels more comfortable as a boy and wants to be called John.

No less impressive in the role of a woman is the African-American Laverne Cox, who, at one time, was the boy Roderick.

Among the most famous transgender people are Dana International, who parted ways with the appearance of the boy Yaron Cohen received from birth; model, actress and pop star from South Korea named Harisu, who did not want to be a boy Lee Kyung Ip. And the daughter of the famous singer Cher feels more comfortable in the body of a man. By the way, it is worth noting that it is men who change their gender more often; significantly fewer women become transgender. And if those who have changed their gender are not specifically persecuted to inform everyone about the changes that have happened to them, on the street in the crowd they will not differ from ordinary passers-by.