Son of Bella Akhmadulina. "RG" first published details from Bella Akhmadulina's diary - Rossiyskaya Gazeta

SHE PRESIRED THE SOVIET LANGUAGE

Bella was not a rebel in poetry. She willingly acknowledged the supreme role of her teachers. This iconostasis - Tsvetaeva, Akhmatova, Pasternak and Mandelstam - was her altar, she wrote in verse that they all said there was nothing further. It seems to me, on the contrary, it is necessary to revolt viciously, to tear the paper from youth, and not to glue the pages. This did not happen for Akhmadulina - but many other things happened.

Bella's innovation was that she despised the Soviet language and introduced archaism there, gallant refined expressions, she turned poetry to face the individual, to private life. It is difficult to place her on a par with Khlebnikov, Mayakovsky or Brodsky. Although Brodsky gallantly called her the best - but, obviously, after himself ...

And, of course, her passion for friendship. Her poetry is the poetry of friendship. Hence the Pushkin intonations. Once, when she got bored, she called it - "asexual monster friendship." This is very accurate.

TWO MASKS - BELLA AND VYSOTSKY

It is rather comparable to Vysotsky, they are two parallel phenomena. Vysotsky consisted of a guitar, wheezing, poetry, bohemia - drunkenness and life to break. Akhmadulina also consisted of different parts.

If Vysotsky has a wheeze, then Akhmadulina has a silver spring voice. Strong and mesmerizing. This raised chin, bangs. But the main thing that united them was a poetic mask. And the joke with the mask is bad. Bella was secretive. The mask makes a person unapproachable, creates myths, but prevents him from feeling himself.

The great poet is afraid of either cats, or God, or death. In her poems there are many imprudent judgments about the existence of the Almighty. But this was charismatic for the 60s. Volodya also had his own mask. But she sometimes broke down strongly ... I believe that these two images - Bella and Volodya - are a monument to their time.

Demonic mind

Akhmadulina is devilishly, devilishly smart. And a lot of loneliness has accumulated in her, precisely because of the mind. Bella is also absolutely stranded. All the Tatar-Mongol yoke in her was united in the sense of energy. She wrote at night and after drinking. There was both the queen of bohemia and the queen of moral judgment - this is paradoxical, but true.

And Bella had a good idea of ​​who was who. Then in Moscow there were only two places where distinguished guests aspired - these are the Kremlin and the attic of Messerer and Akhmadulina. And there, in the attic, everyone was given such comic "shoulder straps." Antonioni came, so he was a marshal. Brodsky is also a marshal. And there I slowly grew up in ranks ...

Without her, the sixties would have been thinner, more bony. She was a soft cloth, a woman's flesh.

She had everything - sex and charisma ...

I fell in love with her in the ninth grade, at the age of 15. I went to her evenings in the Tchaikovsky Hall. And he suffered from the thought that here was a woman living a festive, carnival life, and I was such an old Moscow schoolboy. But in the end it was she who confused me and even seduced me in some way - even before we met.

And we met violently in 1978, when we were making Metropole. She was bold, in the prime of beauty and very seductive, irresistible. I was her faithful knight, served as a feeling. Not only schoolchildren fell in love with her, but also the generals of the KGB, Sakharov, and, I'm sure Brezhnev would gladly take an autograph. Everything was in her - sex, drunkenness, charisma, and a high chin.

Messerer - the light of life

Borya is her savior, her muse. They are a curious combination. There, everyone is the Master and Margarita in front of each other. Borya always dressed her in his best, and it was always black and white. He prolonged its existence and extracted from it many poems that would have remained as dust. Now he cares endlessly about her archive. And he is heartbroken. This is love to the grave.

In her youth, she knew how to walk a lot ... but this is hearsay, I know her already different, stable. But her friendship with my namesake Venichka Erofeev, who was also such a synthetic figure, is also understandable. His "Moscow - Petushki" is strongly associated with drunkenness, with harsh assessments of what is happening around. In this they are united.

Around "one hundred and first kilometer"

There was some kind of evolution in Bella when she looked back and realized that there was one "one hundred and first kilometer" around her. And somehow she fell silent. And in this silence was her strength. She just didn't lie.

Rather, time begged her a little for the right to exist than vice versa.

The youngest daughter of Akhmadulina Elizaveta KULIEVA: "Mom always remained a child - that's why she looked young"

Vladimir Pozner in his book writes about the attitude to the poetry of Akhmadulina, Voznesensky in the 60s - they say, they did not follow poetry, for spiritual freedom. I compared the attitude towards them and towards Vysotsky. By the way, having measured eternity to Akhmadulina, and to Vysotsky - today.

Mom considered Vysotsky a genius. They were friends. Once Vysotsky came to our home at the "Airport" - I was five years old, and Anya, my sister, ten. And suddenly my mother said: "Vladimir Vysotsky will come now." We didn’t know who it was, but by the intonation we understood that he was some kind of wonderful person. He came and gave us the record "Alice in Wonderland". We have always been proud of the inscription on the disc: "Anya and Liza from Vladimir Vysotsky."

- Is it true that poetry is born from burning pain or love?

I know for sure what hurt my mother, she always sympathized with people who were forced to earn their living through backbreaking work. And my mother also broke her heart when she saw stray animals. And when faced with cruelty.

I make a living from advertising. Since childhood, my mother taught me and my sister how important it is not to depend on anyone. And my independence was a matter of her pride. There is nothing reprehensible in advertising: it is the best of all that is shown on TV.

- How she endured aging - it's hard for such a beauty ...

At heart, my mother was a child and therefore always looked young. And she was not afraid of age: ugly old age and nostalgia for lost youth are the lot of stupid people. Mom was smart and looked great. She was oppressed by something else: in recent years, due to blindness, she could not read and write. I think she just decided not to live, because she could not vegetate in idleness. This is how I explain her illness and sudden departure to myself.

- They say Akhmadulina looked down on money?

Yes, sometimes there was not enough money: in the early 80s, my mother was banned, books were not published. At one time, our nanny, instead of receiving a salary from my mother, worked part-time with the neighbors - so that Anya and I could eat well. These are the people who used to meet.

- How did you celebrate birthdays, what did you give?

Mom turned her birthday into an unforgettable holiday. While I slept, heaps of gifts were piled under the pillow or, when I woke up, a bicycle drove into the room. And there was always a huge children's table on the terrace. And along with the gifts, my mother gave me a poem.

In general, my mother knew how to rejoice and please others. Her tragic image is rather that Bella Akhmadulina, which was created by the public. She loved life very much. Her early texts are full of this enthusiasm for life, love for all that exists. This is what I love the most about her. And it is for such a mother that I miss most of all.

Recently, the widow of the famous writer Yuri Nagibin, who lived in America for a long time and only recently returned to Russia, told many interesting stories about Bella Akhmadulina. The words of Alla Grigorievna Nagibina can be trusted, because the famous poetess was once the fifth wife of Yuri Nagibin.

Now Alla Nagibina lives in a country house in the village of Krasnaya Pakhra near Moscow. This house was built by her ex-husband and lived in it for 30 years after his sixth marriage on the Leningrad woman Alla Grigorievna. It was here that the widow of the famous writer met with the journalist of "Interlocutor" and, surrounded by carved furniture, antiques and expensive paintings, told him the secret of her husband's divorce from Bella Akhmadulina.

According to the widow, even after Akhmadulin's divorce, together with Yevtushenko, Rozhdestvensky, Aksenov, Okudzhava and many others, they came to this house for Easter and Christmas. Now these people are considered legends, but then they were ordinary people, between whom quite often quarrels broke out.

It all began in 1967, when Yuri Nagibin made an unexpected decision to part with his wife Bella Akhmadulina. The poet did not want to leave the writer, but he firmly declared that he would no longer live with her.

The reason for the divorce, according to the writer's widow, is described by the writer Aksenov in one of the scenes of the novel "The Mysterious Passion" - the husband finds his wife in the arms of two other women on their family bed. After that, the hero of the novel simply threw his wife with her mistresses and things outside the threshold of his apartment.

The writer's widow claims that this is exactly how it was in real life, and one of Akhmadulina's mistresses was Galina Sokol, who later became the wife of Yevgeny Yevtushenko. Aksenov himself wrote about this in the preface to his novel.

Bella Akhmadulina had long hoped to return to Yuri Nagibin, since he lived very well for his time. The writer had a dacha and a car. He dressed well, received large screenwriting fees and traveled abroad frequently.

Therefore, in order to return her husband Bella Akhmadulin, together with Galya Sokol, they developed a whole plan - they went to the orphanage, where the headmistress known to them worked, and she, without any documents, "gave out" the child to her friends. Galina got a boy, and Akhmadulina got a girl.

As a result, hoping that Yuri Nagibin would return to her, Bella Akhmadulina gave her daughter Anna her last name and patronymic Yuryevna. However, this act, according to Alla Nagibina, did not touch her now deceased husband - he never returned to the poetess.

Perhaps this happened due to the fact that the writer did not like small children - he simply did not understand how it was possible to work if the children were crying in the house. None of his six wives were able to persuade him to have a child. Therefore, the writer Bella Akhmadulina, who by that time was already 50 years old, said that even for the sake of this girl he would not return to her.

After this conversation, Bella Akhmadulina married the son of the Balkar classic Kaisyn Kuliev, who was 17 years younger than her. And Yuri Nagibin, having provided his ex-wife with an apartment, married for the sixth time to Alla Grigorievna, with whom he lived for about 30 years. He did not stop communicating with his ex-wife - after all, it was one company, but he confessed to his last wife that he did not seem to have lived before her.

Well, Bella Akhmadulina, after her divorce from Nagibin, began to drink heavily, although before that she loved to have another glass. She did not live with Eldar Kuliev for a long time, despite the fact that she gave birth to her new husband, daughter Elizabeth. The next husband of Bella Akhmadulina was the artist Boris Messerer, who "understood" her rushing soul and calmly treated her habit of drinking alcohol.

However, for the sake of this marriage, Bella Akhmadulina abandoned her daughters Anna and Elizabeth to her mother, who lived with her children and a housekeeper in an apartment donated by Yuri Nagibin. The poetess no longer participated in the upbringing of her daughters. Perhaps this is why, as soon as her daughter Anna, being already an adult, found out that she was adopted, she immediately left her mother and now she is extremely reluctant to communicate with journalists - she probably just does not want to remember a difficult childhood.

By the way, the new wife of Yuri Nagibin was never accepted in his company. Everyone condemned the writer for driving Bella Akhmadulina out into the street, and his new wife for taking the place of the great poetess, whose poems the men listened to with their mouths open, and they forgave her a lot for this.

She was 18 years old, and he was 23. They met in 1954 in a Moscow apartment, where young writers gathered for a bottle of cider and squash caviar. We read poetry and argued. And suddenly one of the students, in the voice of a sixty-year-old ventriloquist, said: "The revolution is dead, and its corpse stinks," Yevtushenko recalled. Another girl suddenly responded with warmth to these words. And with her reaction she delighted the young poet.

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And then another eighteen-year-old girl with a round childish face, a thick red braid stood up and, sparkling with slanting Tatar eyes, shouted:

Aren `t you ashamed! The revolution is not dead. The revolution is sick. The revolution must be helped.

This girl's name was Bella Akhmadulina. She soon became my wife

Evgeny Evtushenko, memoirs ">">

Evgeny Yevtushenko, memoir "Wolf Passport"

Akhmadulina and Yevtushenko got married in 1955. At first, they were happy - the couple walked around Moscow streets at night, holding hands. Yevtushenko wrote down his poetic dedications to his beloved on the go and hung them on the trees. He took her to Abkhazia, where Bella saw the sea for the first time. Many years later, he recalled this trip as one of the most exciting romantic moments of his life.

Photo © Wikimedia Commons

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Photo © Wikimedia Commons

We passed the wine to each other with our lips. God, how we loved! ">

We passed the wine to each other with our lips. God, how we loved!

Freedom instead of love

Bella soon became pregnant. But Yevtushenko was not at all happy about this: he was frightened. The young poet was afraid that the squeaking baby would take away from him the freedom that creative people value so much. He forced his wife to have an abortion, and this act was the beginning of the end for the young couple. Bella could not forgive Eugene for not accepting their child, and soon her love began to fade inexorably. He realized this much later.

I did not understand then that if a man makes his beloved woman kill their common child in her womb, then he kills her love for herself

Evgeny Evtushenko

Photo © Wikimedia Commons

At first, Akhmadulina became colder towards Yevtushenko, stopped meeting him in the evenings, as before, at a laid table.

Evgeny Evtushenko. "Deep Snow", 1956

Once, as Yevtushenko recalled, he returned home very late, and, noticing Bella in a nearby taxi, which drove up to the house, he sensed something was wrong. In the end, returning once in the middle of the night, he did not find his wife at all. She appeared only in the morning and intoxicated.

A completely different woman

Bella made her last attempt to save love in 1957. When Yevtushenko was going on a trip to Siberia, she asked to go with him. But he refused her, believing that it would be too burdensome for him. Returning a few months later, in his apartment in Moscow, he saw a completely different woman. Instead of a "braid crown", she wore a short brass dyed hair. She began to drink hard and smoke a lot. During this period, she wrote a requiem poem for their marriage.

Bella Akhmadulina, 1957

There were no loud quarrels and smashing dishes. They just stopped accepting each other. Yevtushenko moved to a room on Tverskaya, and after some time he also made a kind of attempt to save the marriage - he came to her at night without warning. But Bella didn't open the door.

Collage © L! FE. Photo © RIA Novosti / Boris Kaufman // Wikimedia Commons

We have not quarreled. Our love did not die - it ceased to be, - Yevtushenko recalled.

Yevtushenko later said that he blamed himself for a long time for having forced Akhmadulina to have an abortion.

I suffered for a long time, thinking that because of my young stupid cruelty, she lost the opportunity to have children - as the doctors told us. But after a few years, upon learning that she had given birth to a daughter, I thanked God ... But still, when I see her or just hear her voice, I want to cry

Today we will meet one of the most famous Soviet poetess, translator, screenwriter and simply beautiful woman Bella Akhmadulina. Poems are famous not only for the older generation, but also for the teenager, as they study it in the school curriculum. Her biography, personal life, children, creative success are of interest to many fans.

In this article you will find detailed answers to all your questions about the greatest lyric poetess of the second half of the twentieth century. She was one of the brightest poets of the 60s. After reading her poems, you will understand that social themes are completely absent in them.

Height, weight, age. Bella Akhmadulina's life years

The famous Russian poetess, translator, her poems are popular to this day. Fans of the poetess are interested in the question, what was the height, weight, age. The years of Bella Akhmadulina's life when she passed away. At 73, Bella passed away.

She was a tall, stately lady. Her height was 170 centimeters, and her weight was 46 kilograms. Bella Akhmadulina was born under the zodiac sign Aries, and according to the eastern calendar she is a Bull. Her character in all respects corresponds to the characteristics of this zodiac sign.

Biography of Bella Akhmadulina

Bella's full name is Isabella Akhmadulina. The name was given to her by her grandmother, due to the fact that Spanish names were popular in the USSR in those years. Isabella was born back in 1937 on April 10 in Moscow.

Her family was wealthy enough, since her father held a high position, and her mother was a translator, served in the KGB. Bella has mixed blood, as her ancestors are Russian, Tatar and Spanish.

During the hostilities, Bella is taken to Kazan, where her second grandmother lived. In 1945, the girl and her mother returned to Moscow, where she resumed at school. The future writer loved to spend time reading a book, but at school she was bored and Bella was reluctant to study because of this.

She began to write her first poems when she was in school, and at the age of eighteen she made her debut in the Ogonyok magazine. Critics immediately criticized her poems, expressing the opinion that they were old-fashioned and irrelevant for the Soviet era.

After publishing her first poems, Isabella decided on a profession, she wanted to become a poetess. But her family did not like these plans, and Bella promised that she would enter Moscow State University. But much to her success, the girl fails her exams.

After failing her entrance exams, Bella got a job at the Metrostroyevs publication. In this newspaper, she began to publish her poems.

A year later, Akhmadulina decided to enter the A.M. Gorky Literary Institute. Studying at this institute was short-lived, she was expelled from the institute because she refused to sign a sheet condemning B. Posternak's traitors to the Motherland.

After being expelled, Isabella gets a job at the Literaturnaya Gazeta publishing house. The editor-in-chief was shocked by her unique abilities and is helping to resume her studies at the educational institution. In 1960, Bella graduated with honors.

The creative biography of Bella Akhmadulina is moving forward with fleeting steps. In 1962 she published a collection of poems called "The String". The collection contains her best poems. The audience instantly fell in love with the talent of the famous writer.

The next collection was published in 1968 under the name "Chills", in 1969 a collection of poetry "Music Lessons". Bella worked a lot, her collections were published in a colossal short time, but the poems were so light, airy that they could be read in one breath.

Izabella Akhmadulina not only wrote poems, but also was a translator. She translated into Russian the poems of Nikolai Baratashvili, Simon Chikovani and other Georgian authors. She also translated poems from Armenian, Abkhazian, Kabardino-Balkarian, English, Italian, Polish, Czech and other languages.

Throughout her life, she played two roles in films. If she can be seen in the role of an artist only in two films, then her poems are heard in many films.

Akhmadulina was born a century after the death of Pushkin, and passed away a century after the death of Tolstoy.

The famous writer was very fond of animals. Love for dogs and cats was instilled from childhood by my grandmother.

Bella was the owner of the USSR State Prize.

The last years of her life were difficult for the poetess. She was very ill, went blind and could not write anything. Bella Akhmadulina died on November 29, 2010 in Moscow. She was buried at the Novodevichy cemetery. In 2014, a monument was erected on Bella's grave by her husband. You can see the photo of Bella Akhmadulina's grave. The monument reminds Bella in real life: a slender, chiseled figure with a book in his hands.

After Bill's death, the world still remembers her, her famous poems. In honor of the memory of the great writer, monuments were erected in the city of Tarusa and Moscow.

Bella Akhmadulina's personal life

The personal life of Bella Akhmadulina is no secret to anyone. She was married three times. She first married at the age of eighteen to the poet Yevgeny Yevtushenko. After 3 years, the union broke up. The second husband was Yuri Nagibin. After 9 years of marriage, the couple broke up because of Bella's betrayal. In a marriage with Yuri, Bella adopts Anechka. The third common-law spouse is Eldar Kuliev. Akhmadulina gives birth to Eldara's daughter Lisa. The fourth husband was Boris Messerer. The couple lived in marriage for over thirty years together until Bella's death.

Bella Akhmadulina's family

Every woman dreams of family happiness, so that there is harmony at home, the laughter of children, but the family for Bella has never been in the foreground. Her creativity brought her happiness. She has three marriages behind her, but she has not found a real man, support in the family.

But fate smiled at her and in 1974 the writer met the sculptor Boris. With him, the poetess felt loving, feminine, needed. When Bella married a sculptor, she moved to live with him, leaving Anya and Lisa to be raised by her mother and nanny. Bella Akhmadulina's family in the last period of her life consisted of a loving husband, two daughters.

Children of Bella Akhmadulina

Bella Akhmadulina's children grew up with their grandmother. Anna was born in 1968, she was the adopted daughter of the poet and Yuri Nagibin. In 1973, Elizabeth was born from Eldar Kuliev. After her mother fell in love with Boris Messerer, she forgets about her daughters and moves to live with her lover.

But, the writer quickly feels an emptiness in the mother's heart and resumes communication with children, but does not take them to live with her. Bella began to pay attention to the upbringing and education of children. Boris Messerer just as quickly found a common language with the girls. Isabella never interfered with the development of her daughters' talents and did not prejudice them in their choice.

Bella Akhmadulina's daughter - Anna Nagibina

Bella Akhmadulina's daughter Anna Nagibina was born in 1968. Anna was an adopted child in the family of Nagibin and Akhmadulina. Bella adopted a girl in order to save the marriage with Yuri. Subsequently, the rupture of relations, the poetess gives Anna to the upbringing of her mother and Anna.

Anna and her nanny lived in an apartment that Nagibin bought for his daughter. From childhood, Anya recalls that her mother paid attention to upbringing, but very rarely. As a teenager, Anya learns that she is the adopted child in their family. This upsets her, she leaves home and stops communicating with her mother.

Bella Akhmadulina's daughter - Elizaveta Kulieva

Bella Akhmadulina's daughter, Elizaveta Kuliyeva, was born in a marriage with Eldar Kuliev. Lisa is now 44 years old. Since childhood, the girl was very lazy, she was reluctant to go to school, her older sister Anna was always taken as an example for her. Lisa attended art school.

From childhood, Lisa recalls that her mother even signed her diary a couple of times, but this was rare. The nanny was engaged in raising Lisa. After leaving school, Elizabeth entered the A.M. Gorky Literary Institute.

Former husband of Bella Akhmadulina - Yuri Nagibin

The ex-husband of Bella Akhmadulina, Yuri Nagibin, was a famous prose writer. They met Bella in 1959. The prose writer was called the "playboy of the time."

Nagibin tied the knot six times in his entire life. The writer did not have children in any of the marriages. Bella was his fifth wife. After living with him for nine years, they parted. Bella loved Yuri, and in order to save the marriage she even decided on adoption. Yuri Nagibin died in 1994.

Former husband of Bella Akhmadulina - Eldar Kuliev

Former common-law husband of Bella Akhmadulina - Eldar Kuliev was a film director and screenwriter. Eldar was born into a famous family in 1951. The romance between Kuliev and Akhmadulina was stormy, but not long-lasting. They loved to spend time together and led a rather cheeky life. In this marriage, a daughter, Elizabeth, is born. After the dissolution of the marriage, Bella takes Lisa and gives her up to be a nanny. Eldar did not communicate with his daughter. The famous screenwriter passed away in 2017.

Bella Akhmadulina's husband - Boris Messerer

Bella Akhmadulina's husband, Boris Messerer, is a famous sculptor and artist. The acquaintance of Boris and Bella was accidental. They met when they were walking the dogs, after which they began communication, and later the couple decided to legalize their relationship.

The marriage to Bella was second and last. The couple lived together for over thirty years. Messerer was Bella's defender, he took it upon himself to solve all the problems. Boris published a book after the death of his wife called "Bella's Glimpse"

Bella Akhmadulina best love poems (read online)

Bella Akhmadulina love poems are the best, read online is the most common phrase on the Internet. Akhmadulina's romantic lyrics are full of grace and specific "pompous". The poetess could speak about emotions that reared the heart and about the usual joys of love.

Falling in love for Bella Akhmadulina is an emotion of empathy, feeling tender, fragile, vulnerable, behind the shoulder of a strong man. Love in the poet's poems is intertwined with friendship. Since, a couple in love should also be friends with each other. After reading her poems, you think that the poetess suffered from the fact that she was nailed by men. Bella Akhmadulina's poems have been translated into many languages ​​of the world.

Instagram and Wikipedia Bella Akhmadulina

Many admirers of her poems are interested in the question of whether there is Instagram and Wikipedia Bella Akhmadulina. Bella is not registered in any social network, and the details of her life can be read on the pages of Wikipedia.

The poetess did not recognize social networks, since she was always for live communication, where you feel the emotions, tone and speech of your interlocutor. Her husband and daughters are also not registered on Instagram, and you can learn about the last years of the poet's life only from an interview.

"RG" publishes an excerpt from a new book about Bella Akhmadulina, which would have turned 80 years old

Text: Marina Zavada, Yuri Kulikov
Photo: Molodaya Gvardiya Publishing House

Elizaveta Kulieva, the poet's daughter:
“When my mother was not given the Nobel Prize, she said:“ And rightly so. And there is nothing "

April 10 - 80 years since the birth of Bella Akhmadulina. The publishing house "Molodaya Gvardiya" recently published a book by Marina Zavada and Yuri Kulikov "Bella. Meetings next. " An excerpt from it - an abbreviated conversation with the poet's daughter Elizaveta Kuliyeva - is published today by Rossiyskaya Gazeta.

- In the years that have passed since Bella Akhatovna's departure, many events have happened in your life. The main thing: twins were born - Marusya and Nikola. Before our eyes, you fought for several years, pulling an incurable boy out of the disease. In the trouble that struck, did you miss your mother?
- I am not ready for such a question. In my mind, these are not related things. When your child is terribly ill, you begin to live a mundane, rough life, intolerable for someone ... I always tried to protect my mother from my troubles. And in the case of Nikola, she would not want my mother to see my grief. Still, the poet has a different degree of pain, right? And my mother served her gods.

- The resemblance of four-year-old Marusya to little Bella is even amusing. What features of your mother do you notice in her?
- Marusya is a person who cannot be forced to do something until she comes to it herself. Absolutely mom's type. Outward meekness, but inside - a core, which you do not expect in such a sweet creature, an elf. In my mother, this contradiction between external insecurity and internal strength was also striking. Even at home. Let's say the toilet is clogged in the country, everyone is in a panic. And my mother was worried, but she went, climbed up there with her hand and cleaned ... Decisiveness. And of course, stubbornness is impossible. Don't break. Maroussia is the same. She is interested in constructing phrases, playing with words. We rarely go to McDonald's, but then we walked in, she says: "Today we have a holiday of harmful things." This is also my mother's ...

- Two girls, Elizabeth and Anna, realized early that their mother was special. And the man who lived by the side, your dad Eldar Kuliev - let's refer to the words of Laura Guerra - “I didn't even understand who was next to him”?
- Not certainly in that way. He understood everything. What's the point? I think he suffered in his own way because he lives in the shadow of Akhmadulina. It was she who raised funds, prepared some coursework for Eldar ... My father was delicate, gentle, but, unfortunately, not only because of his age, he was infantile. It was difficult for both of them. Mom wrote in a letter: "It is a burden for me to be alive, not only as an elder." And it is a shame for a man in marriage to be a child ...

- Did you know your Balkar grandfather Kaysyn Kuliev?
- For many girls, the ideal of a man is a dad, but since I did not have a dad, and we were never close with my stepfather, my grandfather became an unattainable ideal of a man for me forever ... At the age of six, I was in the hospital with my mother. We spent two weeks together in the box - on the same bed. Mom urged me to endure the pain, but it was almost beyond my strength to endure: twelve injections a day. Probably, a colossal internal tension has accumulated in me due to the fear of roaring nevertheless, because when suddenly at the end of the hospital corridor I saw Kaisyn, I rushed violently towards him. I will not forget how I ran down the long corridor, and my grandfather stepped forward, and I hung on him. I was very young, but I felt such a power emanating from him and such pity that only a man, perhaps a father, can give.

- You recently undertook to re-read Nagibin's "Diary" in connection with the found mother's diaries, having learned that, being his wife, she also kept a diary?
- This is pure coincidence. Once I already took up the "Diary", but, apparently, the time was not in time. And then I was tempted to return to the book. Probably because after my mother's departure a desire arose to plunge deeper into her life, in particular - into that piece when she lived in Pakhra ... And suddenly - such a joy! Learn NS that you found in Mom's unknown records. I started reading and took my breath away. From some point on, the topic of human loneliness began to excite me. I thought a lot about this, and exactly in those days I came across my mother’s diary, which simply formulated exactly what I thought about the love of my mother and Nagibin.

- The relationship of these two people - how are they seen through the eyes of an adult daughter Akhmadulina?
- Nagibin and my mother are somewhat opposite. He is an erudite, rigidly logical, sane, honest (I mean alone with himself, judging by the "Diary"). Mom is the embodiment of a genius who intuitively perceives the world. Dissimilar, transforming reality into creativity in different ways, they were strikingly united into one whole and, penetrating into each other's nooks, made up a perfect mind in their own way. It is difficult to say which of them gave more to the other. I do not exclude that Nagibin. This morning I reread my mother’s diaries again and took them with me. Here she writes: "Yura ... created and renewed my appearance ... And it was so significant that my mother, through a bold reform, turned the formless blood into a baby, nevertheless performed a less effective operation with me than Yura."

Nagibin introduced his mother to world culture. Was that what he was so in love with, taught at the Literary Institute?

Later, in anger, he will reproach: "You do not read much." Well, compared to him, a lot of people look like idiots. And my mother breathed literature, but she was a person of a different kind, not academic knowledge.

And the merit of Nagibin, of course, that he not only opened layers of non-textbook names for her - he disciplined reading. However, her approaching gift became a revelation for him too. Happiness fell on each of them: to find a like-minded person, a person with whom you can speak the same language ... What a piercing Nabokovian entry in her diaries - about a shared dinner at the dacha, Yurin's face bent over a plate, birds flying outside the window, and at the end - a prayer: "Lord, leave me all this" ...

Mom never mentioned her personal life with us until Uncle Bori / Messerere /, the impression was that she was simply born married to him. But it naturally occurred to me that there are gaps in her life that she does not mention. Now, holding the pages of my mother's found in my hands, I, as a woman, understand how much suffering the collapse of a marriage with a man should have turned into for her, if she has lived a lot with him under one roof, she writes, as if at the beginning of intimacy: “... everything in me is oriented towards one passion, one habit of stumbling everywhere on the only warm, salutary warmth, greedily surrounding oneself with it - it all comes down to Yura. "

This thin, deep man, in addition, gave his mother what thin people rarely give: male care, financial security, the comfort of a large beautiful house. True, she never became a mistress in this house, but the feeling of order, refuge, measured life as joy for a long time filled her with something similar to bliss ...

- You ranked Nagibin among my mother's associates. Isn't this too strong a word for a writer who has composed a lot of opportunistic nonsense?
- Starting to keep a diary, Nagibin made a note that there is literature for himself and for printing. Nagibin could not afford not to write “for everyone”. He was afraid of poverty at the genetic level. Much later, my mother dropped that Nagibin hated the authorities and said: "I will build a fence from it out of money." But a terrible thing happened to him. He thought that for the sake of money it was possible to compose hack and at the same time go to the ideal. In fact, in the end, the hack ate it.

All this is sad. Because, no matter how Nagibin on the other side of his fence tries to integrate into the system, the idea of ​​him as such a Soviet writer is wrong. He kept aloof, because of the internal opposition in many literary companies he felt uncomfortable. And my mother in unfamiliar houses was stewing. I always guessed: she felt bad among people who were not close, but it turns out that even in her youth she described in her diaries what was happening to her, that when she was visiting she felt the pangs of shame, boredom, laziness, loneliness, alienation to other-existing owners.

... In general, it is not easy to fit two "non-format" people under one roof. I exclude envy, but the manhood of Yuri Markovich was hardly offended by the celebrity of his young wife. Mom was on such a crest of fame that even later they recognized me on the street, because I look like her. It seems to me that it is difficult for any man to endure if what is given to him by hard work, his companion achieves easily, joking. The ease of genius with which my mother got poetry was seeming ease, and when Nagibin reproached her for not knowing how to work at all, he was, at least, unfair. On the scales of time, it turned out that her inoperability brought literature much more than Nagibin's capacity for work.

- The drafts of Akhmadulina were amazed at RGALI. A lot of unhappy crossed out words, stanzas, whole pages! How many female silhouettes and faces were mechanically drawn by the hand, when the angelic words stuck, did not want to be born!
- This is an absolutely Pushkin story, when the lightness is seeming. Mom loved to talk on this topic ... I have been composing since childhood, there were conversations around poetry and creativity all the time. That writing is hard, I think, I understood from the cradle, but the way my mother describes this process in her diaries is completely deafening.

- “Poems arise in me only in connection with the severe suffering of the brain. Does it look like a confession under torture ”?
- Yes. Mom strove so that "violence" was not noticeable to anyone but her, so that a wonderful theater would be born in the throes of poems. But writing poetry was a job for her. By the time I consciously remember myself, she became, I think, much more organized than in the era of Nagibin, for a long time she left somewhere in Repino, Komarovo, in Karelia, retired and wrote. In Sortavala we were given a house for two. The bird cherry blossomed, my mother dragged her into the house in huge armfuls: “… she is tuomi. And to at kiva tuomi, if in bloom. " She brought with her a typewriter, which she gave. Inside with duct tape, he glued a photo with the inscription: "A squirrel for tapping out rhymes." This machine is used to "tap" the amazing Sortavala cycle.

- In the archive, we came across a telegram referring to the Akhmaduli poem “I think how stupid I was” that appeared a year earlier: “Yalta Crimea is the house of creativity of the literary fund Akhmadulina Bella 10 04 1968 so far our thoughts are clear on the square of the uprising half past six kisses andrei bulat Vasya gladilin dyachenko evgeny zhora zyama irzhik kit leopold misha and maybe more, but not less "...
- So my mother - everyone knows - was devoted to friends: Voinovich, Aksenov ... She had a bright relationship with them. Never - envy, always - admiration, the ability to appreciate the talent of another. But, in my opinion, the more accurate word she has is comrade. Or an absolute favorite: brother.

Such a complex person like my mother, who felt inner loneliness, her isolation and strangeness, did not need friendship in the ordinary and especially female understanding, with her obligatory trust, the need to pour out her soul.

Yes, and it was not accepted, it seems to me, in my mother's close circle, confidential communication. In the company of her comrades, mother did not have to overcome her constraint, she felt good with them, in the noisiest gatherings her separateness was implied and accepted. As soon as her arms were opened too wide, she hid. Because it is impossible to write in an embrace. You have to be alone to write. In this, in my opinion, she is most of all related to Okudzhava. But I'm not at all sure they were soul mates. Rather, I'm sure not. Great love, tenderness, mutual attraction, but not easily, nevertheless slowing down the steps in front of the pretended gate. Mom was lonely by definition. Loneliness is like a vocation, like a sentence.

- Bella Akhatovna, as you say, made fun of people who experienced the power of the past. This is the property of a very unsentimental person. What else did it make itself felt?
- When it became a trend to raise the sixties on the shield, my mother told me, as if addressing her acquaintances from this generation: "You mention those years through the word, the thaw, simply because then you were young, and now you are old fools." She was convinced that a real poet is always wider than any trend, direction. I hated pretentious talk about "stadiums". Mom's literary fate so developed that they helped her become famous, but that was not her goal, and after years she was not proud of herself in the role of the conquering tribune. Such a role was alien to her. In general, my mother believed that everyone has the right to yearn for the past, but there is no need to shout about your sadness, to elevate it to a cult. Or - then write about it, like Nabokov.

- Have you noticed the reasoning in the diary of a very young Akhmadulina about patriotism? “How many of us were taught patriotism ... they brought us to death, deafness and coldness to everything, but all we had to do was show ... the little man whom Yura and I saw yesterday: among the distant damp snows, under a huge sky darkly filled with God, he wandered into a hopeless far away, fell face and hands into the snow, staggered with an incredible sweep, fell and wandered for many centuries in a row. And from all this there was such melancholy, such Leskov's cheek in the chest, such fear and breathtaking kinship and doom to this land, which is patriotism for Russians. "
- Much here, probably, came from Nagibin, from their conversations in this regard. Mom has a moment in her notes when the half-drunk Tolya, who was cleaning the snow in the garden, freezes when he sees a titmouse, and for a long time dully, dreamily watches her peck up the grain. Mom notices that this reveals the eternal sentimentality of a Russian person at the sight of a living creature. I immediately remembered Dubrovsky. Setting fire to the house, he asks the blacksmith Arkhip to open the doors so that the sleeping clerks can get out. But Arkhip, on the contrary, locks them, but, seeing a cat running along the roof with a plaintive meow, puts down the ladder and climbs into the fire after it. About Tolya, about the same drunk would-be stove-makers, my mother writes with admiration mixed with irony.

What is characteristic: Mom always found a common language with the people more easily than with Soviet writers. At the Peredelkino dacha she had a great friendship with the worker Zhenya. When my mother came from Moscow, Zhenya came, they talked for a long time, sometimes they drank. In my mother's oral speech there were a lot of vernacular, village words, which I entered on purpose. From the first that comes to mind, the word "nichavo".

- “And I don’t have anything” ...
- Which, in general, is not far from the truth. My nanny Anna Vasilievna treated my mother with great pity, believed that everyone was striving to “leave her without pants” ... During the time of lack of money after the Metropol, Aunt Anya found a part-time job to feed us. Of course, we weren’t begging anyway, but the nanny considered it her duty to feed the children hearty and tasty. She had a huge American chest in her room. All the time she told me: "When I die - don't forget, money is hidden at the bottom of the chest." Aunt Anya died in 1992, on the same day as Asaf Mikhailovich Messerer. Mom wanted to come to the cemetery, but she and Uncle Borey only had time for the commemoration. There, my mother remembered a story: somehow, seeing that Margarita Aliger's huge dog fell off the chain, throwing herself on the little dog Yevtushenko, my nanny blocked his path and offered her hand. Terrible scars remained for life.

- About Evgeny Yevtushenko - an indirect participant in the heroic epic. We know that his contacts with your mother did not end.
- It’s not news to you: Mom didn’t shake hands with those to whom she treated badly. And with them they could meet on the street, stop or walk together along Peredelkino. From time to time she came to his dacha, sometimes he dropped in to us. This did not stop Yevtushenko's mother from teasing. But for all that, she retained a certain warmth towards him.

- As well as preserved about a hundred pages of poems written by his hand in the late fifties, and a thick translation from the Azerbaijani book of Nabi Babayev "Oak on a rock".
- Did you find this in the archive? I probably missed it.

- Yes. For some reason, I didn't throw it away, having divorced.
- It is unlikely that there is something conceptual about first love hidden behind this. Rather, one must keep in mind: they are poets. And these are still manuscripts ...

- In 1998, the Russian PEN Center nominated Akhmadulina for the Nobel Prize. But the Portuguese won Jose Samarago. There is no justice in the world! How did Bella Akhatovna react to the failed laureate?
- She was, of course, aware of the nomination, but was embarrassed about it. And when she found out that she hadn’t won, she commented: “And rightly so. And there is nothing. " But perhaps she wanted recognition. Because at the end of her life she began to ask the question: do they remember, will they remember?

- Late Akhmadulina somehow imperceptibly changed her noisy bohemian image to a respectable one. She gracefully accepted orders and State awards. However, no matter how well-behaved her belonging to the new social elite looked, she still remained out of order - in all meanings of the word. Standing apart. Was there a time with which she got along internally? Except for the night, of course.
- Awards, awards for mom were unnecessary and important. She was a bit shy about government rewards. In her view, this is not what a poet should strive for. They flattered Uncle Bore more. And she shrugged her shoulders: “Is that so? Well, let's go, we'll get it. " By the way, the whole family went to the Kremlin for the State Prize. For some reason we drank with Zyuganov. This is when my mother was taken to the presidential tent. In it, Putin congratulated the laureates. Uncle Borya kept trying to break through there. But the guards would not let him in. But we took an arm, put on an important look and walked easily. In the tent, my mother introduced me to the president.

- And what did she say? "Is this my poor Lisa"?
- As expected, according to etiquette: "Let me introduce you to my daughter." Mom was smartly dressed. But for her, this day was least of all a reason for stories. Rather, he gave me a reason to chat with friends about how I ate a pig in the Kremlin, drank with Zyuganov and shook hands with Putin.

Now about what time was most suitable for mom ... Yes, no. The feeling of being a mom at any time was dramatic. And the night? She got along with the night. "And the structure of the soul, open for love, is okay." When I read these lines, I imagine Sortavala, bird cherry, early morning. Mom's favorite time: sunrise.