How to deal with the bitterness of loss? The bitterness of loss: what to do when a loved one dies How to cope with the bitterness of the loss of a child.

The bitterness of loss

When hands grow numb with longing,
Eyelashes are flapping painfully with tears
Traces of my lost soul
In adolescence, they hang like heaven.
And this frozen silvery trail
Brings me a moment again
Rainy evening, snow is on the doorstep,
Mirrors covered with blackening.
A candle smokes in the front room,
The night flickers with faded pupils,
And marbled ashes
Sacred by the fireflies.

A wave of salty tears
And the bitterness of an immature sway
A child who knew no death
And the first experience of bitter confession.
And this first unforgotten decay
Old women, bright and beloved,
That has been twisting hands for years
In the soul, it stands with an edge invisible.

You are the taste of etched melancholy, I am the bitter aroma of a forgotten cherry.
Oh my God! How far we became ... Dawn came, but the sun did not come out.
I am the morning dash of a blind owl, blinking looking for someone's face.
You are what was lifted from the grass, which means that this should have happened.

I am the pain of loss on the run, you are the shadow of what was between us.
You can’t, I can’t, either - wandering in a circle with dead tracks.
The lilac dawn that we both painted has faded in me.
I'm leaving ... there is no confidence ... it would be wiser to become, not to hesitate to ...

I am everything that, knowing by heart, is so difficult for you - to realize, measure ...
Our fingers are unclenched - well, let it be - there are great losses in life.
I am the scar of blurry warmth, you are what is somewhere out there, under the skin ...
Hey, smile ... sorry I couldn't ... It will pass and this ... maybe ... maybe ... maybe ...

MORNING LOSS

The man did not cry, did not rush
On this dark morning of loss
I only tried to shake the fence,
Grasping the fence posts ...

Here he went. Here in the black backwater
Reflected by a white shirt
Here the tram, braking, began to ring,
The driver's cry: - Are you tired of living ?!

It was noisy, but he didn’t hear.
Maybe I listened, but I hardly heard
As iron rattled on the roofs,
As the pieces of iron of the machines rumbled.

Here he came. So he took a guitar.
Here I hit the strings tiredly.
He sang about Queen Tamara
And about the tower in the gorge of Darial.

That's all ... And the fence was there.
Cast iron fence stakes.
It was a morning of rain and metal
It was a dim morning of loss ...

When a presentiment of separation
Your voice sounded sad to me,
When, laughing, I am your hands
He warmed me up in my hands
When the road is bright
I was attracted from the wilderness -
I am your secret sorrow
He was proud at heart.

Before unrecognized love
I was cheerful at the hour of farewell,
But - my God! with what pain
In my soul I woke up without you!
What painful dreams
Tomit, confusing my peace,
All that is unsaid by you
And misunderstood by me!

In vain is your greeting voice
It sounded to me like a distant ringing
From beyond the depths: the cherished path
I am forever barred to you, -
Forget, heart, the pale image,
Flashed in your memory
And again in life, feeling, poor,
Look for the similarities of the old days!

Poems about you

Dedicated to Galina Asadova

Through the ringing of stars, through truths and lies,
Through pain and darkness and through winds of loss

On our familiar floor
Where you are forever imprinted in the dawn
Where do you live and do not live already
And where, like a song, you are and you are not.

And then suddenly I start to wonder
That the phone will ring one day
And your voice, as in an unreal dream,
Shaking it, it will scorch the whole soul at once.

And if you suddenly step on the threshold,
I swear that you can be anyone!
I'm waiting. No shroud, no harsh rock,
And neither horror nor shock
They won't be able to frighten me anymore!

Is there anything worse in life?
And something more monstrous in the world
Than among familiar books and things,
Frozen in my soul, without relatives and friends,
Wandering around an empty apartment at night ...

But the most painful shadow
Lay down on the whole world no regrets
On that first calendar summer day
On that memorable day of your birth ...

Yes, on this day, do you remember? Yearly
In a noisy feast with sincere love
Your most loyal people
I drank with inspiration for your health!

And suddenly - a cliff! How horrible, how failure!
And you are already different, unearthly ...
How did I manage? How did you survive? Did you survive?
I still don’t understand at all ...

And could I imagine even for a moment
That he will be uncontrollably cruel
Your day. Cold, terribly lonely
Almost like horror, like a silent scream ...

That instead of toasts, celebration and happiness,
Where everyone is kind, drunk and good, -
Cold, rainy weather
And the house is very quiet ... Not a soul.

And everyone who congratulated and joked
Seething like a full-flowing river
Suddenly they kind of disappeared, forgot,
No sound, no visit, no call ...

However, there was still an exception:
Call. Buddy through the cold gloom.
No, I didn't go in, but I remembered about the birth,
And - with relief - the tube on the lever.

And again the darkness claws like an evil bird,
And pain - neither move nor breathe!
And how to measure this horror with steps,
Better to go to hell right away!

The moon, as if stepping around the corner,
Looks through glass with a gloomy thought,
Like a man slouched at the table,
Trembling his lips, clinking glasses with a glass ...

Yes, it was so, even howl, even if you do not breathe!
Your image ... Without corporeality and speech ...
And ... no one ... not a sound, not a soul ...
Only you, yes I, yes the pain of inhumanity ...

And again the rain is like a barbed wall
As if mercilessly hatching
Everything that I live in in the world that I love,
And everything that has been with me since time immemorial ...

Do you remember in the past - behind the hall is the hall ...
Sold out! A world littered with flowers
And we are in the center. And happiness is next to us!
And the ecstatic glow beating upward!

And what else? Yes, everything in the world was!
We lived stormily, arguing and loving,
And yet, admit you loved me
Not like me - harsh and hundred-winged,
Not like me, without memory, you!

But here is the night, and the thunderous tremor
They left, dissolving at the thunder in the mouth ...
Mixing into a ball both the truth and the lie,
Victories, pain, suffering and happiness ...

But what am I really saying!
Where the hell will these torments disappear?
Your voice, and your face, and your hands ...
A hundredfold grief, I am not burning for a century!

And let the days fly by,
They will not forget what is eternally alive.
All thirty-six incredible years
Painful and fiercely happy!

When the rain rings in the night
Through the song of meetings and through the winds of loss,
It seems to me that you will come again
And you will quietly knock on the door ...

I don’t know what we will destroy, what we will find?
And what will I forgive and what will I not forgive?
But I know that I will not let go back.
Either here together, or there together!

But Mephistopheles in the wall behind the glass
As if he came to life in the guise of cast iron,
And, looking down dark and thoughtfully,
He grinned slightly with a thin-lipped mouth:

“Understand, even if a miracle happens,
I'll tell you everything, without melting sorrow,
What if she knocks on the door
Who, tell me, can vouch
That the door will be yours? .. "

About the loss

How cold it always gets
When you accidentally lose your family.
They left, a star to heaven,
And on the ground, the grave is overgrown.

When we run through the hustle and bustle of life,
We forget loved ones, and we lose.
They're like branches in the wind
Over the years, they fade more and more.

Stop for a moment, one call:
Hello, I love and miss you so much,
Of course not, everything is good enough.
I dream of coming to visit you.

Today you could not, or you were tired,
And tomorrow you want it, you won't have time.
So call me tell me you missed
What you love, honor and believe infinitely.

The pain of loss

I hate black
Like a black December night
And there is nothing sadder
Than a black mourning outfit

You, of course, feel good -
Now you see colored dreams
You have become an immortal soul
And I ... would have lived until spring ...

DO NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!
But the battle is lost with emptiness
I get stuck in it, I drown in it.
Here every breath lives on you.

There is semi-darkness in our apartment
And cobwebs in the corners.
I seem to be losing my mind
Still not believing that you are there.

I live in pictures and poetry
And every hour I look out the window.
And you fly in the clouds
It's easy for you ... and all the same ...

And, casting down a casual glance,
You will silently flinch ... maybe.
And I ... dare not without you
And I don’t want to learn to live.

I count the days on the calendar -
Seventeen dark days already.
I live as if in a kennel
The one that has no windows, no doors.

DO NOT LEAVE ME ALONE! -
I scream into the darkness. No answer.
Day after day I go to the bottom.
I hate black ...

I parted with you laughing ...

I parted with you laughing:
A dozen of the same meeting.
I burned bridges without fear
That I will burn myself, I will not notice.
I parted with you without knowing
That my memory will haunt me
That one day I'll wake up different
With belated love and pain
We parted, but I haven't forgotten
Your farewell look and the station.
I broke the heart of many
You punished me for everyone.

Poems about bitterness and pain of loss

Loss

Heart covered in pain with cuts
They are sewn with threads of courage.
You exist only in the past and in dreams
Considering real days unnecessary.
The mind is cold, precise calculation
He understands everything, nothing can be returned.
The heart flutters again in hope
He seeks to deceive you and himself.
A drop of pain and a drop of anger
For the rest, the soul is empty.
All because from a bitter loss
Joy and beauty have left life.
Ah, this is the bitter word "loss"!
The pain that drinks you to the bottom.
And the day it happened
You will never forget.
Hellish pain like tearing your liver
A funnel without a bottom gapes in the heart.
Memories are crippling
And a miserly tear comes.
Everything seems boring and stupid
Strange, completely incomprehensible, alien.
I want to do something bad
If only I could be next to him again.
After that, terrible torment will rush:
This realization will come to you
Lost forever dear person,
Nothing in this life will bring him back.
As you realize, it will become a little easier.
You will be completely convinced: the loss is not a dream.
A torn heart will fill with pain
Thoughts will follow her in unison.
The pain never goes away.
The loss will never pass.
Then your spirit will cry quietly,
And the nerves will stretch like wires.
You need to understand: life goes on
We must walk proudly towards her.
Your spirit will humble yourself and live on,
He still has a lot to suffer ...

For loss - loss,
My peers are dying out.
Hits our square
Though the battles are long gone.

What to do?-
Squeezing into the ground
Protect the perishable body?
No, I don't accept this,
This is not at all about this.

Who mastered the forty-first,
Will fight to the end.
Ah charred nerves
Burnt hearts! ..

The cup of the soul is overflowing,
And Death squinted at the door.
And pencils scattered ...
Inconsolable. Forever. And the whip

Steganula juicy and sonorous
On the shoulders and soul at the same time.
Glue hearts blunt debris
It's already late. Yes and - all the same.

The shower cries like a shower. It should be
Regret: "Nothing ... Everything will pass ..."
The rainbow has become a gray stripe,
The world around is a black and white barcode ...

return to me

Fall to the ground and cry
Praying will only return to me
I will not hide my sadness,
I will give her to fate
The rain will cry with me
And you will leave without turning around
What does my life in the world mean
If I wake up in tears,
I pray you come back to me beloved
Let's forget everything that was there
I only ask tirelessly
Come back to me, I'll give it all.

The pain of "loss"

They lamented: “Oh, Lord!
Heal this flesh! "
And not a word about the soul,
What is already being prepared ...
Screams, arguments over the bed,
Tears like stormy drops
And pity for my own dear ...
How many days are left ?!
Sophisticated drugs
Home white nursing -
A fight with death in hours ...
Below the shoulders of all the noses -
They lament: “Oh, Lord!
Why didn't You save this flesh ?! "
And not a word about the soul,
What is already looking from Heaven ...

The bitterness of loss

Everything was, meetings, parting
Flowers, smiles and sorrow
But words are found to justify
Sometimes we can’t, no matter how sorry

We were like two hearts with him
We breathed the air alone
We were soldered by a ring
We were inseparable with him

But he left with two words
I am leaving loving you
I ask you to find another
I will be happy for you

I'm scared to sleep one night
There's a dim light in an empty apartment
The whole world is out, nothing matters to me
And without him there is no happiness for me

I know everything will pass over the years
The sadness will pass, the pain will subside
But the scar in the chest is forever with us
And our blood has darkened

He is no longer with me by my side
And only a photo on the wall
He meets me with a gentle look
And blows a kiss to me.

Poems about bitterness and pain of loss

Father posthumously

I never said that my best friend is you.
forgive me, my father for that, today I brought you flowers ...
I won't see you again, and I won't shake your hand.
I won't hear your voice anymore, but you always live in me.
and those minutes of our meeting, I will take with me to eternity.
when the candles go out in the church, I will exalt you in verse.

When will the pain of loss subside?

When will the pain of loss subside?
O old life, about the past.
I don’t need someone else’s salary,
I do not want to be friends with evil.
I do not need someone else's share.
God gave me freedom.
And if free, then the will,
To freedom, God called me.
I didn't whine about a better lot
And I am not a slave, to an evil fate.
And I am like the wind in an open field.
And I am different, you understand!
Open up, great beginning.
And don't look, there is no end!
It's time, for eternity has come
Shake off your feet, sins of lead.
Take life while it is bestowed!
And don't be wise, you will be too smart!
Fools, they talk about vain,
And you, I see, are sleeping today!
Freedom, only in Grace,
By the law, sin is known.
And you are my friend, free by the way,
Jesus Christ, suffered for everyone!
You talk a lot today
And you yourself do not know what.
And even life, you judge strictly
Do you know what the meaning of life is?
Do not gossip, be simpler, clear.
Freedom is not a game!
The path to freedom is sometimes dangerous
Freedom, sweeter than silver!
Well, what are you free from as a friend?
And who set you free?
And for what, is it good today?
When in last time smoked?
And if you drink, screaming, you are free,
What they say, I want, then I turn.
Your God in faith is not pleasing to me.
With my own destiny, I spin it myself.
Then you are a slave, chains in your soul.
And I only dreamed of freedom.
All inconsolable foundations
In his soullessness, he wrote!
I'm sorry for such, words against the wall.
Such, you will not immediately break through!
They are from sin, remove the foam,
To fix them, you will tear your navel!
They are like dogs, at heart, villains!
Such on a chain, and under the law!
For the World, these are actors!
And the soul, the devil is at stake!
For them, the shrine is lawlessness!
Take what I want from life.
To a stranger, palms stretch,
Others, as I want, twirl!

This is how the entire Planet perishes!
Indulging them, we are silent!
But the truth is, naked, undressed!
With whom it does not happen, and we will forgive!
And he is "free" to tear and toss,
And in steepness, he wants to live!
Your sins, on someone's shoulders.
At the expense of others, and eat and drink!
There are many such "free" people today!
Lazy people, proud and "cool"!
God will judge them very severely,
No dots, commas!
I do not judge, but the Eye sees!
What are we doing with freedom!
For many, life goes sideways
Life is hard, why extreme?

The pain of loss ...

Time is an unlucky healer
Who entrusted him to heal
The pain of losing a person
That has already measured out the century….

The pain of loss does not go away
Pain in the soul wanders with suffering
The sea is raging in memory
Grief rushes to the throat….

Your departure is like an explosion
Carried away your image in memory
Bumping into cliffs
In a groan, he threatens to melt ...

Emptiness hung in my soul
Everything fell apart after the explosion
From scraps by the power of thought
I created a new world ...

And flying in the vastness of life
Along with the pain of loss
You live in me, you are close
And with me ... forever you ...

Soul cry

My daughter died tragically
such a pain! irreplaceable loss!
How can I withstand this, overcome? !!
she is a blood girl is not to blame for anything

the killer is alive ... why did he drive so fast ?!
more than once "reckless", exceeding the speed
why did he take my daughter away? !!
hiding guilt without admitting

in the prime of life, full of energy
loved life like everyone else, dreaming about the future
friendly, smart, modest
worked honestly, worrying about me,

in an instant the thread of her life was cut
betrayed by boyfriend, best friend
now the judge has no power to accuse
to appoint the guilty one according to merit,

but God's judgment cannot escape
and no payment will save them
everyone who is guilty will answer
will come to them, someday, reckoning !!!

Yes, life goes on ...
Now I am faced with the bitterness of loss.
How you want to catch a rhyme
But I can't - all my thoughts are crumpled ...
Yes, well, let it be so clear to me:
There is life and death
There are laughter and tears
There is a year and two, and three and five ...
There are endless predictions
There is night and light
Yes and no
There is what was and what will be ...
But how to be and where to find out ...?
How to learn to understand
And accept the irrevocability ...?
All thoughts, feelings and words
They rush to freedom mercilessly -
So everything is not even and not smooth ...
As if someone's cruel joke
And I don't believe for a minute
That you are no more ...

Tell me how to relieve the pain in your heart?
Where can you hide from grief?
They won't be able to understand
What's going on in your soul.
And there is just emptiness.
Wasted years
And life is sometimes so simple
And our death is a law of nature.
But how can we understand it?
With the loss of a loved one to be measured?
After all, life will not ask what to take away.
Only the heart will stop beating.

PAIN OF LOSS

There is pain in my heart today.
The pain of loss, resentment groan.
Releases a ringing from the heart ...
Thunder rises to the sky.

The pain of loss is like a scar on your face.
Draws crosses to my soul.
The heart groans like thunder in silence.
Happiness will not return to me already.

My happiness went to heaven.
Leaving me only tears, fog ...
I kneel with prayer.
I ask God for forgiveness ...

For the fate that is being persecuted by me ...
What's in my soul, I do not give birth to Love ...
For sins, condemnations, pain ...
And for a heart that's torn into blood.

Forgive me, and understand my angel.
I have lost peace of life ...
Help me to get up from my knees.
And keep Love in my soul.

The departed must be remembered not ceremoniously,
And remember every day and every hour.
With the fire of the soul, like the fire of the lamp
Without forgetting, death is so merciless
In the selection of the best among us ...
They passed away very early,
Giving us all his heart and soul!
Who says - "time heals wounds" -
He did not lose any of his relatives ...

***
You will have to live with the pain of loss. There is no escape from this pain. One cannot hide from her, one cannot run away. Sooner or later, she again covers and wants only one thing - deliverance.

***
The DEATH of a loved one is the most terrible grief that can befall a person. The pain of loss sometimes seems unbearable.

***
Life and death are just two moments, only our pain is endless.

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Ah, I ... I regret ... I Call ... I Cry !!!

***
All died, what is the point of denying it now. But how to understand this with the heart.

***
Take me, Lord, instead of him, and leave him on earth!

***
When you first face loss loved one, then you understand the price of life and the inevitability of death.

***
Denial of death. Family members may act as if their loved one is not dead; waiting for him, talking to him.

***
Although it sounds sad, our life is short and sooner or later we will all disappear into oblivion.

***
The feeling of loss gives rise to torment similar to the torment of a person thrown overboard a ship ...

***
Take care of those you love !!! Appreciate the minutes spent together! Learn to forgive! So that later it would not be excruciatingly painful for unsaid words, for not perfect deeds!

***
Probably, if you really love a loved one, you will never come to terms with his loss.

***
A poem called "Loss" was carved on the stone wall of the temple, it contains only three words, it contains only three words. But the poet scraped them off. The loss cannot be read ... it can only be felt.

***
People do not regret what was or is. People regret the lost opportunities.

***
The loss of a loved one breaks our familiar world.

***
Time, perhaps, heals, but they do not live so much to forget the one who was dear.

***
Death passes through the Earth, separating loved ones, so that later they can unite in eternity.

***
Friends always live in each other's hearts, even after one dies, in the other's heart he will remain forever.

***
You left so suddenly ... It is inconceivable that your life was interrupted like this, we only have tears and the truth: Remember and pray all the time.

***
There is no life on earth where there is no child. Why do I live on earth if children are dying?

***
It is impossible to return, it is not possible to forget ... Time is inexorable !!! Half a year has already passed. Life is passing by ... Realization has not come !!!

***
To give up your love is the most terrible betrayal, an eternal loss that cannot be made up either in time or in eternity.

***
We grieve for Lokomotiv, sorry for the guys, but we were waiting for them in Minsk ... Life is very unpredictable ...

***
The most important man of my life is you, daddy, and no matter how old I am, I will always remain for you a little daddy's daughter, and you are my main man, no one will replace you for me. May the earth rest in peace to you.

***
As soon as we lose faith in our strength, we lose ourselves. Statuses about the bitterness and pain of the loss of a loved one

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It is very painful and scary to lose loved ones, relatives, loved ones, but with each loss, feelings are dulled and the heart becomes colder ...

***
It is necessary to pray for the departed, into the world of dreams of silent silence. So that tears do not shed from heaven, for us ... for sinners ... they.

***
They say that time heals ... I think it just rips out pieces of our memory, with blood ...

***
It hurts to look into the eyes and understand that you cannot help ... It hurts to be there and to know that this is the last night ... When the doctor states death ... The pain of the loss of those closest to you is unbearable! … There is no substitute for them !!!

***
Damn ... so scary ... you see a person, you say hello to him ... and after a couple of days they call you and say that he is no longer ... Scary ...

***
When a loved one dies, the feeling comes that you have lost a part of yourself.

***
Don't try to avoid painful experiences. Don't hold back your tears. What happened is real grief. It must be felt, experienced.

***
The memory of the deceased can become a stimulus for later life.

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Only when we lose will we begin to appreciate ... only when we are late we learn to hurry ... only not to love, we can let go ... Only by seeing death, we learn to live ...

***
Somehow I reconciled with fate ... there are two of us ... and you are there alone. We've stocked up on a pound of salt with you ... now we're eating it with our son ...

***
Life is too short to have time to realize its meaning, death comes too quickly without having time to understand that there is only one life given.

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This status is for all those who once stupidly lost their soul mate and, out of pride, missed the moment when they could return it.

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How to relieve pain when a loved one leaves where there is no way back ???

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Do you know why people look at the sky very painfully? So they try to hold back their tears ...

***
It's sad when people die !!! It's even worse when the scum that killed them are still alive !!!

***
Talk about the past in the past.

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Today I have a lot to do: I have to kill the memory to the end, I have to make my soul turn to stone, I have to learn to live again.
Anna Akhmatova.

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And I burned everything that I worshiped, bowed down to what I burned.

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How often, for the sake of loyalty, you languish in loneliness, your love is needed not by the dead, your love is needed by the living.

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Is the loss of illusion a profit or a loss?

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The worst thing is to lose, what you believed in, hoped for, and then bam! and a black hole formed inside.

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A person cannot accept loss. He experiences shock, which manifests itself in a complete lack of feelings.

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It's just ... periodically ... it happens ... your messages and voice are missing ... I ask ... don't forget me ... gradually turning into the past ...

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What heart will be able to withstand ??? All the pain and sorrow cannot be conveyed in words. Nobody knows how to love like a mother. How much it hurts mommy to lose.

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The departed feelings can still return, but the departed loved one never.

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When one person dies, it is a sad loss, and the death of millions of souls is a statistic.

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A person can come to terms with the thought of his own death, but not with the absence of those he loves.

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The highest wisdom is in accepting death. Understanding is important - life does not end. We are all immortal. Our death is a tragedy only for our loved ones. - Mikhail Mikhailovich Prishvin

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You left the pain in your heart forever! Gone from this life forever! Dear, sweet and gentle, my beloved mom!

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I can't live without you ... My heart is crying, and my soul is moaning ... I, too, my dear, "GONE" from life.

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I recognize you ... in the touch of a birch branch, I recognize you ... in the river with bubbling water, I recognize ... in the dew that looks like tears, I know FAVORITE !!! you're near me.

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You may be 14, 20, 30, 42, 50 ... You will still cry when dear people leave.

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Attaching to a person is a huge risk, leaving they take your soul with them.

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Those who have known the sadness of loss appreciate the joy of what they have found.

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I love and remember. We remember those who left us, We remember those who forever closed their beloved eyes.

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Getting out of depression gradually becomes possible, mental pain becomes smaller. A person begins to look for ways to solve psychological problems not related to loss.

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Nobody dies too early, everyone dies on time.

Statuses about the bitterness and pain of the loss of a loved one

Have you ever noticed how we meet other people? We ask them where they live, what they do, what kind of education they have, and the like. And this is not just curiosity. We are asking what we really need in order to create in our imagination a complete image of this person. Some kind of inherent in him a working mini-model, in order to know how he thinks and what he is interested in, and somehow to foresee his behavior in a given situation.

So it is easier for us to contact other people, it is easier to predict our interaction even when it comes about ordinary communication. But in doing so, we endow this image of our ideas with our own vital energy.

Until this image, artificially created by us, begins to live in our thoughts, dream, make our plans and almost breathe, just like in real life... And we even begin to dream when we need it.

Coping with the grief of loss

If this happens to people unfamiliar to us before, then what can we say about those whom we know sometimes even better than ourselves - about our relatives and friends? Therefore, when they die, without exaggeration, a part of us dies. It's like losing an arm or a leg. Or heart. Or the stomach.

It is not surprising that in the event of such a loss, especially when it comes unexpectedly, we often cannot consciously accept what has happened. We deny, we get into a state of shock, we can even lose consciousness. Yes, it's like cutting off some part of the body without anesthesia! Because the pain is so real. How to cope with the bitterness of the loss of a loved one or loved one?

To help a person, you need to do at least the most elementary: remind him to eat and sleep, brush his teeth and dress for the weather. If none of your relatives or friends are near you, do not forget to take care of yourself: drink hot tea, dress warmly or sit down to rest.

And if you can't, don't force yourself. Our psyche often knows best what we need. So just listen to yourself and take care of yourself. And one more thing - postpone important decisions for later. The time will come and it will become a little easier for you! Then you will return to them.

At the same time, you can try to listen to these self-help tips for overcoming grief. The realization that you are not alone, that other people, too, once went through similar losses, sometimes helps. Although not always.

How to help a loved one get through grief

It may be that the grief befell not directly you, but someone from your loved ones: your wife, sister, neighbor, and the like. What to do then?

If God forbid, you have a difficult mission to bring bad news, never say it right away! What is shown in cheap TV shows that a person needs to somehow be prepared for the bad news is true!

Give her or him at least a minute or two to get ready for the news. And it's good if there are any next to you at that moment sedatives or at least just a glass of water (the very act of swallowing reflexively relieves the spasm and therefore helps somewhat).

If you can, just stay with this person for a minute, give him the opportunity to come to his senses at least a little, hold, help him sit down on a chair or collect his thoughts.

Perhaps he will need to call somewhere or he will be so shocked that he will not be able to find the key to his own apartment on his own. You may need to help you get dressed or check if everything in the house is turned off: electricity, gas, iron. Maybe you will need to call your family or children instead.

Well, what about next?

In the first hours and days after the loss, a person is usually in a state of deep shock, he often does not realize what is happening around him, especially when someone young passes away from life, as it so often, unfortunately, happens now. Subsequently, individual events, whole episodes, days or even weeks may fall out of his memory.

Our Christian customs and rituals: farewell ceremony for the deceased, church service, commemoration. It is good when the deceased is buried in an open coffin. It hurts, but it helps to quickly accept what happened. It is a pity that now this is not always possible, often now we see zinc coffins.

This state of shock usually lasts a week or two. It is not for nothing that it is customary for us to commemorate the deceased on the ninth day. This is a very important period of experience, in which the main burden falls on those who are around. It is desirable that this person is not related to the deceased by blood ties, so that he can endure it more easily and be a little more adequate.

After that, as a rule, it becomes a little easier, although a dull pain can last for a long time: months or even years. Especially when parents bury their children, when they lose, together with the child, all those hopes that were placed on her, and therefore cease to see the very meaning of their further existence.

A person, unfortunately, is not eternal - and even the best, most beloved people leave us sooner or later ... It's difficult to survive, the bitterness of loss temporarily overshadows everything in the world for us - but, one way or another, life goes on for us too you need to find the strength to go further. How to do it - let's talk ...

No matter how bad and painful we may be, the process of grieving is necessary for us as a special work of the soul - the work of purifying, maturing and accepting this world as it is. In order to do this work, we need to go through all the stages of grief to the end, accept it completely and drink this cup to the bottom. If we fail to follow this path correctly, if we get stuck at some points along the way, the process of mourning becomes pathological, and sometimes we cannot do without the help of a psychotherapist.

Where does this path begin?

Our first reaction to the death of a loved one is shock and numbness. “It can't be” is the first thing that comes to mind for almost everyone: we don’t want and even physically “cannot” believe in what happened. Sometimes a person is so hurt that all his reactions seem to be dulled and outwardly it may even look like indifference: "I did not shed a tear." However, usually this is just a protection of our psyche from too strong emotions, which it is not ready to cope with. Alas, some do not cope, they fail to go further, and they psychologically “turn to stone” forever, especially in the case of the loss of beloved people - children, spouses, parents, emotional attachment to whom was extremely strong.

The numbness is replaced by the search stage: a person accepts the fact that the deceased is not around, but he cannot believe that this is forever. The deceased seemed to be chasing the grieving one: on the street it seemed that he had passed by, someone laughed in the same way, something creaked in his room and on the back of a chair - his sweater ... died, in fact, is somewhere very close. Sometimes a person begins to think that he is losing his mind (and sometimes, alas, this actually happens), especially if the grief in his life is very strong or simply - the first, that is, he has not experienced anything like this before. This phase lasts from 9 to 40 days: believers believe that the soul of the deceased at this time is on earth and says goodbye to everything that was dear.

In the end, a person realizes the reality of loss, and a stage of acute grief sets in, when despair literally “covers” his head and a lot of frightening feelings and thoughts appear: about the meaninglessness of life, about his own guilt before the deceased, which now cannot be redeemed; about those words that have not been said, and those promises that have not been fulfilled and can no longer be fulfilled ... The deceased seems to us better than we thought about him during his lifetime: all the good is remembered, all the bad is supplanted from the memory - a proverb "About the Dead, or Good, or Nothing" was invented for a reason ...

Sometimes at this stage, the grieving person almost completely withdraws into himself, becomes isolated, moves away from loved ones, sometimes identifies himself in some way with the deceased: he adopts his habits, gait, gestures. Symptoms of the diseases that the deceased suffered may even appear: signs of sciatica, hypertension or migraine in a previously completely healthy person. Unfortunately, not everyone leaves this phase, mentally staying forever closer to the deceased than to those living next to them.

It is difficult to survive all this, but it is important: at the end of this stage, old emotional ties with the deceased are broken and new ones are born. Sooner or later, but life gradually enters its usual rut, and the loss of a dear person ceases to be the most important event in life. The grief is no longer painfully acute and persistent, but as if it rolls in a wave in connection with certain events: here comes the first New Year without the deceased; now his first birthday has passed - without him; here comes a document in his name by mail or an old acquaintance called from those who knew nothing about death ... Tears roll in and a lump comes to our throat, but we are already resigned to the fact that what happened is a reality, and that we - to live farther. The anniversary of death is usually the end of this cycle.

The final stage is constructive, it adapts us to reality and reconciles with it. Grief is reborn into remembrance, into light sorrow and sadness about the past. The person who has left us no longer lives in our consciousness - but his image remains. This stage is extremely important: after all, you can survive all the previous ones, but block the memories and not let the image of the deceased into your present life - then the work of grief will not be completed to the end and relief will never come.
So often in a family where a child died, parents seem to “delete” this terrible episode from life, forbidding themselves, relatives, and other children to return to those difficult events. This is a path to self-destruction for all members of such a family, since it is very important to allow the images of the departed to be near. How important it is to keep the memory of everyone who was part of our life, and the joy that these people in our life - WERE ...

It is difficult to find words to comfort another person, and even finding words of comfort for oneself seems completely impossible. What to do when a loved one died?

It is hard to ask this question to yourself, but if a loved one has left you forever, you will not get away from looking for an answer to it. Otherwise… What happens if a person cannot find the answer to this question? He seeks solace in alcohol, drugs, cigarettes. Or maybe he is not looking for consolation at all, but is trying to end his existence as soon as possible, killing the body with bad habits and constant self-destruction.

Your loved one has died, but you are still alive

Do not bring yourself closer to the point when you will no longer be able to return to normal life, do not start drinking or smoking, or trying to commit suicide. Time will heal, if not all mental wounds, then many of them, and you will find the strength to live on. Now do not deprive yourself of this opportunity.

Don't be left out

No matter how sad and melancholy you are, still do not deny your duty to the deceased. Organize funerals and commemorations personally, resolve other issues - but what about without? If you yourself do not send a person to another world, you will regret even after years that you were left on the sidelines.

It's good to cry

Even if you are a man who, since childhood, has been taught to restrain negative emotions, do not hesitate - cry, and it will become easier for you, albeit a little, but still. Take a short vacation from work - you will not be denied. Just do not think that your boss let you go just because he cares about your working condition. But he is also a man, and people tend to empathize. Cry, scream, do not hold yourself back.

You can join a gym to punch a punching bag or do push-ups / pulls up until you collapse from fatigue. After such a discharge, you will calm down faster.

Tomorrow will be easier than yesterday

Of course, you will not get rid of grief in one day, but over time, the pain will be forced out of the heart by good memories. Only you need to make sure that you have something good to remember, so try, if not to live the way you used to, then at least try. Feel free to share your feelings with family and friends - they will help you dull the bitterness of losing a loved one.

Get over your grief

After two weeks, you better begin to actively engage in the life around you. Of course, you will still be overcome with sadness when you try to sleep. But many have gone through this, and you can handle it. But all free time try to do something interesting, exciting. Try to fulfill a dream that you had to postpone due to the death of a loved one. This will make yourself a little happier.

Write letters

What if you didn't have time to say something to a dear person? Sit down at the table, grab a pen and a piece of paper and start writing a letter to the departed if you are tormented by a feeling of understatement. Pour your worries on paper - it will endure everything.

The bitterness of loss torments a person for about two years, then turns into a state of quiet sadness, when sad memories come from time to time. But you can already start living a normal, fulfilling life. The time will come when you realize that you need to look for another life partner. Be sure: your beloved boyfriend (girlfriend) would not want you to spend your entire life alone.