reasons for manipulation. Technologies and techniques of manipulation in interpersonal communication Factors of manipulation

There are many definitions of manipulative processes. In our case, we will consider manipulation as an impact on the addressee in order to achieve the desired result or immerse him in a certain state. As a rule, the manipulator controls other people as objects, trying to use them. Manipulations are hedonistic and pragmatic. Manipulations of a hedonistic nature introduce the individual into a certain state. Pragmatic manipulations are always strategic and usually well calculated. The main characteristics of manipulation are always the concealment of the goals and true intentions of the manipulator, shifting responsibility for what is happening to the addressee. There are several reasons for manipulation. Some of them are existential in nature and, as a rule, are somehow connected with self-affirmation.

Such a quality as assertiveness, which implies a certain maturity of the individual, adequate self-esteem and the presence of one's own point of view, helps to resist various kinds of manipulative influences. A personality type that has such a quality as assertiveness is called an actualizer. The actualizer tries not to allow himself to be manipulated and focuses on self-realization and openness in relationships.

As a rule, the manipulator is characterized by deceit, insincerity, falseness. The manipulator often hides his true motives. Almost all manipulators are cynics, they are of the opinion "either you use people, or people use you."

The actualizer, unlike the manipulator, is honest and sincere in relationships, is the master of his own life, tries to build relationships constructively, trusts people.

Accordingly, if there are various types of manipulations in the relationship, then it is initially understood that the communicant is perceived as an object - "it". On the contrary, in the relations of the actualizing format, the relevance of the other is seen, the personality and individuality of the partner are respected.

There are many types of manipulators. In this tutorial, we will consider E. Shostrom's classification, which includes eight types.

1. Dictator. This type is characterized by a constant demonstration of their power and strength. He does everything to control those around him: he commands, forces, psychologically suppresses, refers to authorities.

2. Weakling. The diametrical opposite of the dictator and often his victim. As a rule, he has in his arsenal and often uses emotionality and passivity: "does not see", "does not hear", "does not understand", "cannot".

3. Calculator. His main feature is the desire to calculate every step (his own and those around him) and keep everything under control. Often the role of control is exaggerated. On the one hand, he can be dishonest, deceiving others, on the other hand, constantly rechecking them.

5. Hooligan. Influences people with the help of threats, aggression.

6. Good guy. This type is characterized by an exaggeration of their love, care, attention to others. Tries to please everyone.

7. Judge. This type, as a rule, believes few people, is prone to unfounded accusations, touchy, critical.

8. Defender. Deliberately emphasizes his support for others, condescending to shortcomings and weaknesses, constantly takes care of people, even when he is not asked about it.

According to E. Shostrom, the above eight manipulative types use four manipulation systems.

1. active manipulator. He tries to exercise control over others with the help of active methods, often demonstrates his power through status, power, crushes with his authority, often turns subordinates into his own debtors.

2. passive manipulator. As a rule, this type likes to demonstrate his weakness and helplessness in many matters. "Allows" others to think and do for him, often wins at the expense of "passivity".

3. Competitive manipulator. Perceives life as an endless game and sees the surrounding rivals and competitors. Has the features of both active and passive manipulator and uses them depending on the situation.

4. Indifferent manipulator. This type always pretends that he is indifferent to communication, it is devoid of any meaning for him. Avoids people. Treats the other person not as a person, but as a puppet.

Manipulation can be felt when you begin to experience conflicting emotions (joy and anxiety, pride and resentment), while communicating with some people you may experience repetitive states that are usually not characteristic of you: depression, emotional discomfort, guilt, unreasonable gratitude, etc. d.

It is clear that manipulation in business and personal life is used very often. There are many communication formats suitable for manipulation in business. It can be: the impact of advertising on the consciousness of the recipient, business negotiations, meetings, interviews, etc. In the process of business negotiations, for example, manipulation can be manifested both in verbal and non-verbal formats. Non-verbal manipulations are adjustment to the interlocutor's posture, the pace of his speech, violation of the proxemic zones allowed by etiquette (being closer than the permissible), look. Verbal manipulations include being too well aware of the facts of your personal and work biography, mentioning status subordination, constantly emphasizing your dependent position. The manipulator often consciously chooses a time and place that is inconvenient for you for negotiations. In his team, diametrically opposed roles are often clearly distributed: "provocateur - ally", "good - evil", etc.

Manipulation in business is used not only in relations with competitors, but also within the team and in individual communication. For example, to motivate team members to solve a complex and cumbersome task, you can paint them pictures of a bright future and success if the project is completed. In most cases this works.

In sales, manipulative techniques are more important than anywhere else. Advertising constantly affects our ambitions and weaknesses ("love - prove it", etc.). At the time of the presentation of the product, such qualities are advertised that will create "comfort", "emphasize your exclusivity and irresistibility", "increase your self-esteem and uniqueness", etc.

As a rule, manipulative influence in business communication is carried out using the following techniques:

1) offensive: in fact, this technique includes a series of actions aimed at destroying the "defense" of the partner with the help of pressure of any force; often a blow is struck at a weak spot;

2) weakening the position of opponents;

3) demonstration of friendliness;

4) stuffing prices;

5) withdrawals and avoidance of negotiations and confrontations, waiting;

6) demonstration of weakness;

7) demonstration concessions;

8) all sorts of logical tricks.

There are several techniques for resisting manipulation.

1. Information dialogue. Clarification of one’s own position and the position of a partner using the “question-answer” technology: questions about the essence of the matter, about goals, limiting the scope of discussion ("about what exactly are we talking about now?"), refusal or delay in response, apparent lack of reaction.

2. "Psychological Sambo". Answering a question with a question; inarticulate confusing answer, cold politeness, endless clarification ("what do you mean?").

3. Civilized confrontation. Open opposition and opposition to a partner, sustained within the framework of politeness and business etiquette. This can be a logical confrontation, polemic, tough opposition, a "soft" but justified refusal, etc.

4. Counter manipulation. Use of identical communication technology against a partner.

Manipulation in communication

Professional business coach, psychologist, leader of trainings on public speaking, tough negotiations, psychology of influence, leadership, charisma.

In communication with their own kind, without realizing it, people often use manipulative methods, especially when they want to achieve something from another person. Since the concept of “manipulation” is understood differently by everyone, therefore, we will first consider what manipulation is and understand “by concepts”. I will offer a definition of this concept adopted in the section of psychology, which is called the psychotechnics of communication and studies the process of communication between people.

Manipulation is a hidden psychological impact on a communication partner in order to achieve beneficial behavior from him.

The key word here is "hidden". In manipulation, the external meaning of words, appeals or actions in relation to another person does not coincide with the internal meaning. The external meaning of words, as a rule, is innocent, not containing any infringement of the needs of another person, but the internal meaning carries the content that leads this person to what the author of the manipulation wants from him. It turns out that the person being manipulated does what his communication partner needs, as if choosing it himself. In fact, he was gently led to this choice, and this choice of his is not free and unconscious.

To illustrate the concept of manipulation, we will give an example. In this case, this is an example of manipulation on a person's need to look beautiful in the eyes of the object of sighing. Imagine that you are a man. Happened? You are sitting in a summer cafe with the girl you are courting and having small talk with her about life and love. And then a pretty teenage girl (or no less pretty grandmother) comes up to you with a bunch of flowers and offers you to buy them. What do you think - is this the usual slightly intrusive offer to buy or manipulation? Answer: manipulation. Why? Because there is a hidden calculation here that it will be embarrassing for you to refuse to buy flowers for this girl (and for whom else!?) in front of the girl herself.

After all, she will think that you feel sorry for her flowers, and you will feel like a miser and a fool for an hour. Therefore, it is often easier for a man to pay off his awkwardness and not spoil the evening. This is the calculation.

Thus, the difference between manipulation and other methods of influence lies in the fact that during manipulation, in addition to an explicit and open motive (trade offer), there is a hidden motive, calculation, subtext (it will be embarrassing for him to look stingy).

An example of manipulation in trading. In a store, a customer chooses a product, hesitantly considering either cheaper or more expensive items.

This model is better, but it is perhaps a little expensive for you.

This is where I'll take it.

At the external level, the seller stated some truthful facts: the high quality of the item and the low financial capabilities of the buyer. The hidden meaning of this manipulation is the calculation of the desire of the buyer at least in front of the seller (and therefore, to some extent in front of himself) to look respectable. The buyer took an expensive thing, stroking his pride and wiping (as it seems to him) the nose of the seller.

Such a manipulative game creates the feeling that you can get off with a little blood, agreeing with a good and polite policeman, until the evil and cruel one is activated again. And that a compromise with the “good” is better than falling into the clutches of the “evil” and taking a sip of grief with him in full. As a result, the detainee gives evidence or pays off. What is required of him. By the way, one policeman can combine both of these roles - the meaning of the game remains the same.

The benefits of manipulation can be not only material, but also psychological: increased attention of significant people, increased self-esteem, the acquisition of higher authority and respect, etc.

For example, sparkling jokes about other people usually have just such a hidden meaning, hiding behind an external desire to simply amuse and entertain comrades. A person who makes jokes about others, as a rule, sees no other opportunity to gain credibility in the company and uses such a method that has been knurled for himself. The fact that in doing so he offends others, reduces their authority, he either does not realize or neglects this insignificant fact. Thus, humor on other people is also manipulative.

Well remember? Or was it a joke? What? Not in jest? Was it serious? Seriously right? And you are ready to answer for your words? And be responsible for your choice?

“Then it’s going to be a surprise for you now…!” We did not get a consul, but we brought a person who can register your marriage right here and now ... Yes, yes. Right now. Unless, of course, you've changed your mind...

- I hope you remember the rules of the game and understand that you will have to pay for this in that one of you will have to leave the island today? Why? Because relatives cannot be in the team - after all, the game will then lose honesty.

Are you ready to be husband and wife by signing right now? - Brother Danila asked, expressively and intently looking at the confused groom, - And you are not embarrassed by the strict rules of the game?

What do you think was the answer? - Yes, of course, we are ready and want to sign right here and now. Manipulation has now been demonstrated or not? Of course, manipulation - and it worked. Manipulation on the desire to look in the eyes of others as people responsible for their words. The bride and groom agreed to this beautiful act, to sign right on the island, in front of their comrades and millions of viewers - and it was hard to expect another answer here. Because they had nowhere to go. True, the bride could leave both on the island, and preserve the groom's masculine honor - taking upon herself the rejection of their old words, explaining this by some new circumstances. Could - for a chance for both of them to continue the fight. Could - but also succumbed to this game.

What's the manipulation, brother? - you ask.

The fact is that the couple, and to a greater extent the groom (as the head and support) was faced with an imaginary choice - to refuse to register the marriage (and save a chance to win), or to agree to register (and lose this chance). They had no choice - because if they refused, the couple (and especially the groom) would look like greedy and moral freaks, able to sell their loved one for the sake of money ...!

And this hidden motive was masterfully used by the organizers of the TV show and was counted on when leading this couple to the correct answer. Although outwardly there is nothing to complain about. You wanted to get married - please, everything for the person, everything for the good of the person. Here is a representative of the Panama registry office.

What was the interest of the organizers of this manipulation? Very simple. Continue to escalate the passions and drama of the game "The Last Hero". And, from this point of view, marrying a couple right in the game on a wild island, and then also separating them, like Romeo and Juliet, is a good move and a good idea in order to continue to maintain the interest of viewers in the TV show and, therefore, high channel rating.

In conclusion, Bodrov Jr. firmly shakes hands with the happy newlywed, approves and reinforces his “correct” answer:

— I respect you, Sergey. This is the choice of a real man ...

The curtain. Applause. See you next time. Well: "Show must go on ..."

It begs the question. How to evaluate the phenomenon of manipulation: with a plus sign or with a minus sign? Is this good or bad? Use it in life or eradicate?

An answer begs. If I manipulate, it's good; if I'm manipulated, it's bad. Joke. In fact, manipulation is neither good nor bad. In general, this phenomenon is neutral. At its core, manipulation is a tool that can be used for various purposes.

Depending on which hands it is in. Just like a knife can serve as both a tool for surgical operations and a murder weapon.

If you are faced with manipulation, then to assess a specific situation, I suggest relying on two criteria.

First. What is the motive and desired result of the author of the manipulation? If this is not only a benefit to yourself, but also a desire for good for you, then this deserves, if not a positive assessment, then at least indulgence. For example, parents often manipulate their children by hook or by crook forcing them to go to bed on time, do exercises, go to school, etc. They do this not only for themselves, but also for the benefit of their child in the future, which is not yet able to appreciate this concern.

Second. It happens that the hidden motive of manipulation is not particularly hidden. And then the application object of this manipulation has a true choice, not an imposed one. The American writer and psychotherapist E. Bern gives the following example of a game of flirting:

Cowboy: Would you like to see the stable?

Girl: Ah, I love stables since childhood!

Although we are talking about the stables (and we would talk about the theater), both understand the inner meaning of the game. And the girl, choosing an excursion to the stable, guesses the content of this excursion. And since she has this understanding, and no one forced her to respond to flirting, it means that she consciously entered into this game, and therefore, there is nothing bad here.

If you look closely, we live in a world of manipulations, and you should not be afraid of them, but you should be able to understand them well and turn knowledge about them to the benefit of yourself and other people. All this is also one of the halves of the game called "life" and this game can also be entertaining.

At psychological trainings devoted to manipulation in interpersonal relationships, group members recall entire lists of manipulative phrases from their personal lives. As a result, the following memo for the manipulator was born. The document, although a joke, but in every joke, as you know, there is only a fraction of a joke. So:

List of manipulative phrases

Recommended as a pocket memo. A list of exemplary phrases aimed at attracting increased attention and tying one good person (object of manipulation) to another (manipulator). Intonations: from enthusiastic and joyful to heartfelt and tragic. For brevity, speech is on behalf of a man, except for phrases and situations that are more typical for women (for example, "I'm pregnant").

This is the first time I've met someone like you!

Let me help you!

Don't listen to them, you're so good!

It's so easy and simple for me with you!

Everything will be as you want!

I understand you so!

Stay and you won't regret it!

We are made for each other!

I love only you.

I will prove to you that I love you!

I can not live without you.

I'm so attached to you...

You see, I feel good only with you.

You are the only one who understands me.

I'm so weak and you're so strong.

You are the only one who can help me.

I will always be present in your life!

I will never give you away to somebody!

Where were you from seven to ten?

Where are you without me?

If you love me then...

You do not love me at all.

You do not love me.

Why are you doing this to me?

Do you remember how you and I...?

I have done so much for you, and you ...!

You can't live without me!

I feel bad without you...

Let's stay friends.

We are responsible for those we have tamed!!

What will people say.

Our parting will make many people unhappy.

I won't let you live in peace!!

I'm expecting a baby from you...

I no longer expect a child from you ...

Who are you, except me, need!

Not goodbye, but goodbye.

You will never see me again.

When we part, we make our children unhappy!!

I gave you the best years.

I sacrificed everything for you.

Daughter remembers you...

May you be fine without me.

If you leave, then I...

Does this remind you of anything in your life?

There are also longer-term manipulative games that have the same goals (getting attention and tying). Here is a far from complete list.

Persuasion of a person in his unique attractiveness.

Planning a happy joint future without taking into account the real means of achieving it.

An attempt to become an integral part of the life of the beloved (beloved).

An attempt to shift the responsibility for the occurrence of their feelings to the beloved (beloved).

Memories of good times spent together.

Expensive gifts and expensive services in the calculation: "now he owes me."

Playing "small and weak" next to "big and strong".

Playing "big and strong" next to "small and weak".

Considering the situation from the point of view of public morality.

A reminder of the connections created along the way and the possibility of breaking them when the relationship ends.

An attempt to make "forbidden fruit" out of continuing the relationship.

Alternating enthusiasm and coldness: the technique of "Mexican shower" (associated with TV shows).

A reminder of the effort and time spent on a partner.

A very interesting type of unconscious manipulative game is the so-called "song", i.e. recurring favorite monologue. At the same time, as in any monologue, the presence of the other interlocutor's voice abilities is not necessary. The hidden motive of these songs: self-affirmation, increasing one's own significance, drawing attention to one's person, etc.

“Our people are everywhere…” A song about your famous friends, relatives, friends of relatives and relatives of friends. When there is nothing to be especially proud of, you have to be proud of your connections.

"I'm the smartest." Constantly scoffing, joking, ridiculing everyone and everything humorist. Usually he gets others very quickly, but everyone is afraid of him.

"I am a jester, I am a harlequin." Also ridiculing, but himself. Pathological self-irony. Pity is also attention.

"I know what's best for you." The song is typical for parents and spouses who are not able to part with the ideals regarding the correct life of their household.

“I told you right away…!” Characteristic of a grouchy wife.

“Why didn’t you listen to me…!”. Previous song by male.

“No one understands me…” A loser's song that helps to collect at least some bonuses.

“I am different and very special!” Can be combined with the previous song and then the next one is obtained.

“No one understands me, because I am different and very special!”

“My problem is the most problematic problem…” And no one can solve it, not even you. Therefore, I am unique.

"How! Do you doubt my competence!?” The song of an infallible person, an ideal and a role model.

“Well, what are you doing now!?…” Everyone should always report to him about their actions and he always knows what to do.

I think you can easily continue these lists yourself.

How can you neutralize the effect of manipulation, if your plans do not include "being led" to it?

First. Understand, see, realize the hidden motive of communication in your partner. This is possible if you are attentive, have psychological experience and trust your intuition. By micro-movements of the eyes, minimal facial expressions, intonations of the voice, gestures and subtle movements of the body, a psychologically competent person can guess the presence of falsity in the actions and speech of a person. Simply put, whether he is lying or not. If you guess that maybe not everything is clean, then the next step is to understand what he really wants. To do this, put yourself in his place - what would you do, how would you behave, what ideas would you try to implement? The fact is that we are all very similar (no matter how much you want to believe in your own uniqueness) and what you come up with, most likely, he also came up with.

"Scroll" the options and insight may visit you. I won’t say that getting into the mind of another person is so easy, but life in general is not an easy thing.

And the second. If manipulation involves an ulterior motive and this is its main weapon, then the neutralization of the weapon will be lighting, clarifying the ulterior motive in your communication. Figuratively speaking, "highlighting with a lantern" deprives the manipulation of its hidden meaning. What makes her a manipulation.

For example, if a person in public directs his humor at you, makes fun of you or your values, and you guessed in whose eyes he wants to rise, you can calmly say to him:

“I understand that you really want to appear witty in the eyes of Marina - we have already appreciated your humor, it is great, thank you.”

When the meaning is revealed - there is nothing to cover, the game loses its continuation and meaning.

However, if you have guessed the content of the manipulative game that is being played with you, it is not necessary to immediately stop it. Indeed, in this case, you have trump cards in your hands: the opponent does not yet know that you have already guessed the hidden meaning. You can use this trump card as hockey players use the numerical advantage.

Consider a real situation from real life. Surely you have ever been approached on the street by people with a "gift" from the company. Very cheerful, starting with the words "Hello!", they solemnly announce that in honor of the 500th anniversary of their generous company, you are getting a beautiful set for free in this bag, along with the bag itself. And they give it to you! A few more seconds of optimism and charm, and now you are already beginning to believe in this miracle. But it turns out that in order for you to finally take ownership of all the rich contents of this bag, you need a mere trifle. Pay for just one thing from this wealth. There are some miserable (compared to the contents) several hundred rubles.

Is the meaning of this operation clear? Need comments?

For those who have not guessed - then, of course, it turns out that the cost of the goods is much lower than this "pathetic" amount.

But it will be later!

So, one of my already learned life comrades did the following trick. At the words “you get this as a gift,” he accepted the bag, but did not stand, as it should be according to the script, breathing excitedly, but with the words “Thank you!” briskly headed into the crowd on the way to the subway. After a couple of seconds that it took the swindler to come to his senses, it was already too late to catch up with the happy owner of the gift from the company.

The most interesting thing is that there is nothing to condemn him for - a gift, rich firms have their own quirks and it is inconvenient and even impolite to refuse a gift ...

In conclusion, I will say that the topic of manipulation in communication, of course, is not exhausted by this publication and will be continued.

Those readers who do not exhaust their desire to study the psychology of communication only with theory can join the trainings of the author of this article: “Communication Mastery and the Psychology of Manipulation” and “Winners (Psychology of Controlled Conflict)”. At these trainings, the topic of manipulation gets its practical continuation.

Good luck to you all!

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Manipulation in communication

Any communication is, by and large, manipulation. Everything we say, according to our idea, should cause a certain reaction. Answering the question “How are you?” we are waiting for understanding, sympathy, approval. And when we don’t get any of this, we ask a leading question, for example, “What do you think about this, I’m done?”

Extremely honest communication, devoid of manipulation, in this case would look simply ridiculous: “Let me tell you how I am doing, and you will praise me?”. In the case when one concept is replaced by another and there is a manipulation in communication. When a person says one thing, but means something completely different. Manipulation begins where logic and common sense end. Manipulation appeals to feelings.

There are many ways and types of manipulation, but based on what our feelings the manipulator plays on, they can be divided into six main types.

6 types of manipulation in communication:

Love manipulation. As a child, you were told: “If you grimace like that, I won’t love you.” Although they really meant: "Listen to me." Your man tells you: “First, stop biting your nails (work, go to your mother, read women's novels, cook hodgepodge every morning ...), then we’ll talk about the wedding.” But what she really means is, “I don’t like it when you bite your nails.” The boss tells you: “We know how to appreciate our employees, we have a friendly team of like-minded people. Therefore, rarely anyone leaves our team of their own free will. Although he really means: “We will treat you well if you work well”

Features of this manipulation

One of the most insidious and cruel manipulations that are often used in families. A child, accustomed to such treatment, begins to understand that the closest people do not accept him entirely, they love him not for what he is, but for what he does or does not do something. In partnerships, such conversations also do not lead to anything good. Indeed, in this case, love is placed on one side of the scale, and a certain condition is placed on the other. It turns out that love is a kind of commodity that, if necessary, can be exchanged for services or money.

Features of this manipulation

Using people's fears is one of the most favorite tricks of manipulators of all types and stripes. Very often they play on a person's lack of awareness. Therefore, if you are regularly brainwashed about some mythical dangers and urged to do this or that to avoid them, make inquiries.

Features of this manipulation:

Manipulation is always a matter of power, and in this case it is most acute. “I am the boss, you are a fool,” is how you can paraphrase most of the statements here. The problem of a manipulative boss (whether he is mom, dad, boss or president) is that he does not have real authority, is not power, but wants to be. With him, of course, you can start playing "giveaway" and flatter. But this flattery will never be enough for him. He will calm down for a while, and then again and again seek confirmation of his viability at the expense of other people's shortcomings. However, he will be able to manipulate you only if you are worried about your lack. Accept yourself and your weaknesses or get rid of them.

Features of this manipulation

It is very common in family life, its frequent use leads to the fact that the husband and wife begin to play an exciting game - collecting other people's faults. Whoever collected more, he won, read - got the right to realize his innermost desires. Although it is completely incomprehensible why this self-evident right needs to be won in such a strange and unpleasant way?

Features of this manipulation

Vanity is elevated to the rank of the main idea of Western civilization. Faster, higher, stronger and further with all stops up to the final. The main thing is not to stop and not think. Although Carl Jung, a psychologist, philosopher and generally intelligent person, said that the first half of life is study, job search, marriage. Running around, in a word, but justified running around. If in the second half a person is pathologically set to acquire and strive to catch up with someone, he falls ill.

Features of this manipulation She is so, a little childish, school - "Marivanna, I have a toothache, can I go home." There are very insidious and subtle manipulators of pity - "victims" who complain about life all the time and collect dividends - words of encouragement and help. These "victims" are also vampires. They can endlessly discuss their life situation with you, but they will never do anything to change something. Because they are happy victims.

How not to become a victim of a manipulator?

Step one. Logic: since most of the time there is no connection in the manipulative message, between the first part and the second (“if you drink latte with your friends, I won’t make money”), you can explain to the manipulator that there is no logic in his phrase. Sometimes it helps.

Step two. Awkwardness: Sometimes a manipulative statement sounds quite logical, but has a hidden connotation. Putting the manipulator in an awkward position is a fascinating experience. “Are you saying that you respect me a lot because you want to leave early? So, say so."

Step three. Estimate: usually the manipulator is not self-confident, otherwise, why would he manipulate? By his behavior, he tries to secure power over others, although he is most concerned about his own safety. Make him feel comfortable, tell him that you understand, appreciate and accept him. You see, the craving to turn people into puppets will decrease.

Step four. Make your choice: the manipulator puts pressure on your feelings and hopes thereby to force you to do this or that. However, the fact that people make us feel certain feelings is a myth. Feelings are inside us and no one except us is able to “turn them on” and “turn them off”. Are you scared? Reply with irony. Are you being taken lightly? Reply with surprise. Are you being pissed off? Remember that this is only an invitation that you can accept or refuse. The manipulator will be puzzled.

Step five. Understand yourself: in every family it is customary to react to events in a certain way. In one family, it is customary to make fun of everything, in another - to get upset with or without reason, in the third - to blame only yourself for your troubles and sprinkle ashes on your head. Children who grew up in these families will inherit this “leading” emotion. They will be ironic, sad and tormented by guilt, respectively, more often than others. It can be assumed that when these children grow up, they will more often come across manipulators who will play precisely on their “leading” feeling. Based on this, everyone can be advised to understand what kind of emotion they got from their parents. And then return to the previous point.

Manipulator time: The manipulator rarely lives in the present. More often than not, he's either reminiscing about the past - "I can't get over my cat jumping off my balcony five years ago" - and justifying his shortcomings and inaction. Either he talks about some kind of vague future “you won’t eat meatballs, you won’t go to college” or “we believe in you and someday this will certainly affect your financial relationship.” But here and now, nothing happens at the manipulator. He has no time all the time, he is constantly busy. It would be humanly possible to feel sorry for him, but we will not do this. Because he seeks from us precisely feelings in order to use it for other purposes.

Ekaterina Ignatova based on materials from the site http://www.petrowskiy.ru

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Communication manipulation. Manipulation protection

Essay on the topic Manipulation in communication. Manipulation protection

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Introjection as a key to understanding manipulation in business communication 8 kb.
Manipulation in communication technology or style of behavior 4 kb.
Features of communication with the patient when performing nursing manipulations 39 kb.
Protection against manipulation 26 kb.
The problem of manipulation in communication 30 kb.
Interpersonal manipulation as a social phenomenon 60 kb.
Relative phase shift keying - a method for improving the reliability of information transmission 48 kb.

Ministry of Education and Science of the Russian Federation

The art of communication, knowledge of psychological characteristics and the use of psychological methods are essential for professionals whose work involves constant contacts of the "person-to-person" type - politicians, businessmen, managers and many others. Thus, the ability to build relationships with people, to find an approach to them, to win them over is necessary for everyone. This skill is the basis of life and professional success. An uncharismatic, gloomy person will have difficulty communicating with colleagues, it will be difficult for him to establish contacts with business partners, to achieve success in negotiations. The key to the success of any undertakings of a business person, no matter what task he solves, is the creation of a climate of business cooperation, trust and respect.

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REASONS FOR MANIPULATION

The main reason for manipulation, according to Frederick Perls, is in the eternal conflict of a person with himself, since in everyday life he is forced to rely both on himself and on the external environment.

The best example of such a conflict is the relationship between employer and worker. For example, the employer replaces individual original thinking with the rules of trade. He clearly does not trust this case to the seller and does not allow him to be independent. The seller must become a tool in the hands of his boss, which, of course, deals an irreparable blow to the integrity of his personality. The buyer, who no longer communicates with a human seller, but with a blind executor of the will of the owner, also finds himself insulted and humiliated.

There is another side of the problem. The worker in modern society tends to be a freeloader, a hunter for freebies. It demands a lot of rights and privileges without doing almost anything. He will not, as a statement of his own solvency, prove his abilities, his skill. No. They owe him simply because they have to. These are his arguments.

A person never trusts himself completely. Consciously or subconsciously, he always believes that his salvation lies in others. However, he does not fully trust others. Therefore, he embarks on a slippery path of manipulation so that the “others” are always on his leash, so that he can control them and, under this condition, trust them more. It is like a child sliding down a slippery hill, clinging to the edge of another's clothing, and at the same time trying to control him. This is similar to the behavior of the co-pilot who refuses to fly the plane, but tries to control the first pilot. In short, we will call this - the first and main - reason for manipulation Distrust.

Erich Fromm puts forward a second reason for manipulation. He believes that normal relationships between people are love. Love necessarily involves knowing a person as he is and respecting his true nature.

The great world religions urge us to love our neighbor as ourselves, and here the vicious circle of our life is closed. Modern man understands nothing of these commandments. He has no idea what it means to love. Most people, with all their desire, cannot love their neighbor, because they do not love themselves.

We adhere to the false postulate that the better we are, the more perfect we are, the more beloved we are. This is almost exactly the opposite of the truth. In fact, the higher our readiness to admit human weaknesses (but human ones), the more we are loved. Love is a victory that is not easy to achieve. And in essence, the lazy manipulator is left with only one miserable alternative to love - desperate, complete power over another person; the power that makes the other person do what HE wants, think what HE wants, feel what HE wants. This power allows the manipulator to make a thing out of another person, HIS thing.

The third reason for manipulation is offered by James Bugenthal and the existentialists. "Risk and uncertainty," they say, "are all around us." Anything can happen to us at any moment. A person feels absolutely helpless when faced with an existential problem. Therefore, the passive manipulator takes this position: “Ah, I can’t control everything that can happen to me?! Well, I won’t control anything!”

Bitterly realizing the unpredictability of his life, a person falls into inertia, completely turns himself into an object, which greatly increases his helplessness. It may seem to an ignorant person that from that moment on, the passive manipulator became a victim of the active one. This is not true. Screams: "I give up! Do with me what you want!” - nothing more than a cowardly trick of a passive manipulator. As Perls proved, in any life conflict between the “dog from below” and the “dog from above”, the passive side wins. A universal example is the mother who "gets sick" when she cannot cope with her children. Her helplessness does its job: children become more obedient, even if they did not want it before.

The active manipulator operates in completely different ways. He sacrifices others and frankly takes advantage of their impotence. At the same time, he experiences considerable satisfaction in dominating them.

Parents, as a rule, try to make their children as dependent on themselves as possible and are extremely sensitive to the attempts of children to gain independence. Usually parents play the role of “dog on top”, and children are happy to play along with them as “dogs below”. In this scenario, the “if-then” behavioral technique becomes especially popular.

"If you eat potatoes, you can watch TV."

“If you do your homework, you can drive a car.”

The child also successfully masters the same technique:

“If I mow the lawn, what will I get?”

"If Jim's father allows him to leave by car on Saturday and Sunday, then why are you forbidding me?"

How would a real active manipulator behave in such a situation? He would have yelled, "Do as I say and don't pester me with stupid questions!" In business, this reaction comes up all the time: “I own 51 percent of the capital, and they will wear THIS uniform because I want to!” I remember the founder of the college where I once studied said: “I don’t care what color these buildings are, as long as they are blue.” He was a wonderful person and a wonderful active manipulator.

We found the fourth reason for manipulation in the work of Jay Haley, Eric Berne and William Glasser. Haley, during his long work with schizophrenics, noticed that they are most afraid of close interpersonal contacts. Byrne believes that people start playing games in order to better manage their emotions and avoid intimacy. Glasser suggests that one of the basic human fears is the fear of embarrassment.

Thus, we conclude, a manipulator is a person who treats people ritually, trying his best to avoid intimacy in relationships and a predicament.

And, finally, the fifth reason for manipulation is offered by Albert Ellis. He writes that each of us goes through a certain life school and absorbs some axioms, with which he then compares his actions. One of the axioms is this: we need to get the approval of everyone and everyone.

A passive manipulator, Ellis believes, is a person who fundamentally does not want to be truthful and honest with others, but by hook or by crook trying to please everyone, because he builds his life on this stupid axiom.

I want to emphasize that by manipulation I mean something more than a "game", as described by Eric Berne in the book "Games that people play and people who play games." Manipulation is rather a system of games, it is a lifestyle. It is one thing a single game, the purpose of which is to avoid a predicament; and another thing is the scenario of life, which regulates the entire system of interaction with the world. Manipulation is a pseudo-philosophy of life aimed at exploiting and controlling both oneself and others.

For example, the Rag Wife has turned her entire existence into a subtle campaign to make her Dictator husband responsible for all of her life's troubles. This is not a separate random game, this is a scenario for their entire life together. To some extent, this same scenario plays out in most families, including mine and yours, although the roles can be reversed.

As for individual games, there are a great many of them. Berne fixes, for example, such: "Beat me!", "Hurry", "Watch how I try." All of them are aimed at compromising the husband. After she provoked him to swear and goad her, she will try her best to convince him what a bastard he is. Her manipulative system can be called "The Gathering of Injustices".

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Topic: Technologies and techniques of manipulation in interpersonal communication

1. Psychological nature of manipulation 3

2. Technology of methods and techniques of manipulation in interpersonal communication 8

3. Is the knowledge of the techniques and methods of manipulative influence a guarantee of the protection of the individual, its information and psychological security. Justify your answer 13

List of used literature 15

1. Psychological nature of manipulation

Manipulation- this is a type of psychological influence that is used to covertly introduce into the human psyche the goals, desires, intentions, attitudes or attitudes of the manipulator that do not coincide with the actual human needs.

The theoretical foundations of manipulative technologies of business communication were laid in one of the major areas of American psychology - B. Skinner's operant behaviorism. The active introduction of manipulative technologies in the West and in Russia began in the second half of the twentieth century, mainly in the information and political spheres.

As the leading researcher of manipulative communication E.L. Dotsenko, the technological methods of manipulating mass consciousness and individual (in interpersonal business communication) have some differences. When manipulating the mass consciousness, the manipulated addresses themselves are relieved of responsibility for their actions and their passivity and inertia are formed. In interpersonal manipulation, on the contrary, the responsibility for the decisions made passes to the addressee of the manipulation.

The nature and meaning of manipulation are especially clearly visible when compared with other methods of psychological influence: management, control, bribery, blackmail, the threat of violence. In all these cases, the authoritarian, directive form of influence on a business partner is manifested to the greatest extent in order to force him to certain decisions and actions. At the same time, the true goals of psychological influence, as a rule, are not hidden from the communication partner. Therefore, all these forms of psychological influence can be designated as types of imperative communication. In manipulative communication, the true goals of influencing a partner are either hidden from the addressee of the manipulation, or are replaced by others. The manipulator (and it can be a separate partner or organization) always strives to ensure that the addressee of the manipulation himself recognizes the ideas, motivations, actions suggested to him as the only correct ones for himself and thus he made the necessary independent decision for the manipulator. Thus, a double illusion is created in the mind of the addressee of the manipulation: firstly, that reality is the way the manipulator depicts it, and, secondly, that the mental reaction to this reality depends on the discretion of the addressee of the manipulation.

The concept that must be introduced to describe the psychological manipulation of a person is the "target" of influence. When considering the meaning of this concept, we will use the result of the analysis of a number of works on this problem, conducted by Dotsenko E.L. "The most psychological, - in his opinion, - is undoubtedly the theme of the targets of influence. The fact that the influence is based on the base inclinations of a person, aggressive aspirations is often exposed to denunciation. It is noted that manipulators exploit such inclinations that must operate without fail: security, in food, in a sense of community, etc. More "advanced" methods of manipulation involve the preliminary "production" of opinions or desires, fixing them in the mass consciousness and in the ideas of an individual, so that they can then be addressed.

In addition, in the literature, targets of influence are also understood as individuals, their associations, social groups, the population, and even countries that are objects of psychological operations.

When considering interpersonal manipulations, personal structures and certain mental formations of a person are currently singled out as targets. Summarizing the available data on this problem, the following five groups of human mental formations can be used as a working classification of targets for manipulative influence on a person:

1. Drivers of human activity: needs, interests, inclinations.

2. Regulators of human activity: group norms, self-esteem (including self-esteem, self-respect, pride), subjective attitudes, ideology, convictions, beliefs, semantic, target, operational attitudes, etc.

3. Cognitive (information) structures (including the information-oriented basis of human behavior as a whole) - knowledge about the world around us, people and various other information that is information support for human activity.

4. Operational composition of activity: way of thinking, style of behavior and communication, habits, abilities, skills, etc.

5. Mental states: background, functional, emotional.

The need to single out in situations of interpersonal interaction among the whole variety of targets precisely those on which the impact is directed determines the expediency of introducing such a concept as the direction, vector or arrow of impact.

In manipulative communication, the communication partner is perceived not as an integral person, but as a carrier of the psychological qualities "necessary" for the manipulator. For example, a manipulator in business interaction can use such psychological characteristics of a partner as kindness, responsiveness, touchiness. Manipulation achieves its greatest success when it remains invisible and when the recipient of the manipulation believes that everything that happens is natural and inevitable.

For example, when manipulating mass consciousness, it is important that people believe in the neutrality and impartiality of the main social institutions: the media, the presidency, the federal government, the system of allied bodies. The myth is carefully cultivated and introduced into the mass consciousness that no financial and industrial groups have a dominant influence on the process of understanding important decisions in the country.

At the core mechanism of manipulative technologies lies the idea of dehumanization of human nature. Numerous television series with heroes - monsters, murderers, maniacs - introduce into the mass consciousness the myth of the eternally aggressive and predatory nature of human nature, of its eternal desire for hoarding and irrepressible consumerism. Such an ugly form of the hero destroys the personal principle in a person, his individual self-awareness, protective psychological forces and vitality. But most importantly, such a hero contributes to the development of an imitative style of behavior - a style of violence.

Manipulative technologies are widely introduced into marketing communications, displacing social and ethical marketing. They narrow the scope of people's multilateral relations to purely market ones: we are all buyers and sellers, nothing more. The spiritual world of man remains outside these limits. And this is not accidental, since it is spirituality that remains the main opponent of materialism, which provides the main income for advertisers. It is no coincidence that in recent decades, psychologists have encountered a previously unknown mental illness - shopping mania. Going to the supermarket, a person buys everything, trying to get rid of some internal anxiety.

What are the true reasons for the strengthening of manipulative technologies in business interaction?

First, the development of information technology has created the possibility of a massive psychological impact on the mass consciousness.

Secondly, all modern media are business enterprises that receive income from the trade in their time.

Thirdly, there is a clash of interests and motivations of various social groups, individuals, power structures and civil society in all spheres of public life.

2. Technology of methods and techniques of manipulation in interpersonal communication

The success of the use of manipulative technologies of business communication is determined by how wide the range of technical means of psychological influence used by the manipulator is. After analyzing which mental formations of a person act as targets of manipulative influence, it helps to some extent reveal the structural elements of the manipulation process itself and the mechanisms of interpersonal psychological manipulation.

An analysis of works in this area allows us to distinguish three main groups of manipulative techniques, which are also referred to as tricks used in discussions. Based on the content and direction of the manipulative impact, these tricks can be divided into: organizational-procedural, logical-psychological and personal.

Tricks of an organizational and procedural nature. These are techniques associated with the creation of certain conditions, preliminary organization and specific implementation of the procedure for interpersonal interaction. The use of such tricks complicates the process of discussion for the objects of manipulative influence and, accordingly, facilitates (helps to achieve the intended goals) the subject organizing the manipulation.

Dosing of the initial infobase. The materials necessary for the discussion are not provided to the participants on time, or are given selectively, thereby incompletely informing some participants, which makes it difficult for them to discuss, and for others creates additional opportunities for the use of psychological manipulation. The opposite option is "excessive information", which means that many projects, proposals, decisions, etc. are being prepared, the comparison of which in the process of discussion turns out to be practically impossible. This also happens when a large volume of materials is offered for discussion in an extremely short time, and therefore their qualitative analysis is difficult.
A double standard in the norms for evaluating the behavior of participants in discussions. Some speakers are severely restricted in observing the rules and regulations of relationships during the discussion, while others are allowed to deviate from them and violate the established rules. The same thing happens with regard to the nature of the allowed statements - some are "forgiven" for harshness towards opponents, others are made remarks, and so on. It is possible that the regulations are not specifically established, so that you can choose a more convenient course of action along the way.

Logical and psychological tricks include:

Restrictions in the technique (procedure) of the discussion. When using this technique, proposals regarding the procedure for discussion are ignored; bypass undesirable facts, questions, arguments; the floor is not given to participants who, by their statements, may lead to undesirable changes in the course of the discussion. The decisions made are fixed rigidly, it is not allowed to return to them even if new data is received that deserves attention and is important for making final decisions and conclusions.
Abstracting is a brief reformulation of questions, proposals, arguments, during which the emphasis shifts in the desired direction. At the same time, an arbitrary summary can be carried out, in which, in the process of summing up, there is a change in the emphasis in the conclusions, the presentation of the positions of opponents, their views, and the results of the discussion in the desired direction.

Personal or psychological tricks. This group usually includes techniques based on annoying the opponent, using a sense of shame, inattention, humiliation of personal qualities, flattery, playing on pride and other individual psychological characteristics of a person.

Irritating an opponent, throwing him off balance with ridicule, unfair accusations and in other ways, until he "boils". The success of the trick will be even greater if the opponent not only gets into a state of irritation, but also makes an erroneous or somewhat unfavorable statement for his position in the discussion or discussion. This technique, as a rule, is actively used in an explicit form as a belittling of an opponent or in a more veiled one, in combination with irony, indirect allusions, implicit but recognizable subtext.
Self-exaltation or self-praise. In practice, this trick is an indirect method of belittling the opponent. In this case, it is not directly stated "who you are", but according to "who I am" and "with whom you are arguing", the corresponding conclusion follows. Such expressions can be used, for example: "... I am the head of a large enterprise, region, industry, institution, etc. ...", "... before discussing and criticizing ... it is necessary to personally gain experience in solving problems, although to scale..." etc. Increasing the psychological significance of one's own arguments can also be carried out with the help of "inspiring statements" such as: "... I authoritatively declare to you ..."; "...I'll tell you straight out..." "I have nothing to hide and I'll tell you frankly..." etc. At the same time, some idea stands out in particular, and everything else against this background looks secondary, insufficiently complete and frank.
The use of words, theories and terms unfamiliar to the opponent, that is, those whose meaning is not clear to him. The trick succeeds if the opponent hesitates to ask again and pretends that he has accepted these arguments, understood the meaning of terms that are unclear to him. "Stunning" an opponent with unfamiliar or difficult to understand terms and theories works best in situations where he does not have the opportunity to object or clarify what was meant, and can also be aggravated by the use of a fast pace of speech and a lot of thoughts that change one another in the process. discussion. We emphasize that the use of terms in itself is not a trick, it is a normal attribute of science. Such behavior becomes a trick only when the complication of the content of statements is done deliberately for the psychological impact on the object of manipulation.
Use of "mechanical tricks". The main ones usually include the following: interruption; interruption; raising the voice; demonstrative acts of behavior showing unwillingness to listen and disrespect for the opponent.

Logical-psychological tricks. Their name is due to the fact that, on the one hand, they can be built on the violation of the laws of logic, and on the other hand, on the contrary, they can use formal logic to manipulate an insufficiently sophisticated object. The most common logical and psychological tricks include the following: the conscious uncertainty of the thesis put forward, or the answer to the question posed, when the thought is formulated vaguely, indefinitely, which allows it to be interpreted in different ways. In politics and diplomacy, this technique allows you to avoid sensitive issues, "save face" in difficult situations, or hide incompetence in the problem under discussion. Logical-psychological tricks also include the following: any statement is made without any proof, as a matter of course (postulation of truth); for proof, they use analogies with some events and phenomena that are incommensurable with those under consideration (illegal analogies); the arguments of the opponent are reduced to absurdity by excessive exaggeration of the positions expressed by him, with subsequent ridicule of this simulated conclusion; when discussing the positions put forward by the opponent, they use other words and terms or the same ones, but put a different meaning into them, and due to this, distortions are introduced into the original idea.

Some manipulative games in interpersonal interaction may have a complex scenario and a whole chain of pre-calculated moves. Others, on the contrary, may limit themselves to one action, however, the nature of the created dependence puts the object of manipulation in such conditions when for a long time he is forced to follow a certain line of behavior imposed by participation in a certain game or ritual.

As for business and some forms of business relations, material interests and opportunistic considerations act as a powerful incentive for the use of manipulations, and therefore the consequences of their use often turn out to be very tragic in nature, the depth of influence on the psyche of people, they draw a significant number of people into the sphere various scams and scams. The economic transformations of recent years have given us a lot of examples of pyramid schemes, fraud, and the use of the country's population in dubious financial transactions.

3. Is the knowledge of the techniques and methods of manipulative influence a guarantee of the protection of the individual, its information and psychological security. Justify your answer

There are a large number of ways to protect yourself from manipulation, they all consist of an interweaving of six so-called basic protective installations. Namely: withdrawal, exile, blocking, control, fading and ignoring.

Leaving - increasing the distance, interrupting contact, removing oneself beyond the reach of the aggressor's influence. The extreme expression of this strategy can be considered alienation, complete isolation in oneself, refusal to contact people.

Exile - increasing the distance, removing the aggressor. The ultimate expression of such defense is the partial killing of some part of the aggressor: habits, character, etc. It often manifests itself in the dismissal of the aggressor from work, his expulsion from home, a caustic remark, ridicule.

Blocking - controlling the impact, setting up obstacles in its path. Everyday use in the form of semantic and semantic barriers (“I don’t understand what you are talking about”), role barriers (“I’m at work”).

Management - control of the impact coming from the aggressor, influence on him. The usual ways of using such defenses are complaints, crying, bribery, attempts to make friends, provoke the desired behavior. This also includes manipulation of a protective origin.

Fading - control of information about the subject himself, its deliberate distortion or reduction. An extreme form of torpor. Most often manifested in the concealment of feelings, deceit.

Ignoring - control of information about the aggressor, a distorted perception of the aggressor or a threat from his side. It usually manifests itself as stereotyping (she is just fooling around), an explanation for the manipulation of positive intentions (I wish you well).

All these basic protective installations are combined in pairs with each other, based on the degree of passivity / activity. Pairs are obtained: departure, expulsion, blocking control, fading, ignoring. Each pair has its own field of action. Avoiding exile creates a distance with the aggressor, blocking the shelter controls the flow of influence, fading ignoring works with the information channel.

Manipulation is most often hidden, the presence of a threat by the addressee is perceived mostly unconsciously. Protective actions are also not perceived by consciousness, and in cases where they are noticed, quite sensible explanations are found for them. There are some particularly common manifestations of the actions of non-specific defense mechanisms: a slight shaking of the head in a horizontal plane at the moment when the addressee is almost ready to agree (unconscious control); acute urge to go to the toilet that occurs in the addressee at the most important moment for the manipulator (unconscious flight ); depressed state, slow movements at the moment when the manipulation began to act, but the addressee did not yet understand what had happened (unconscious fading).

Among the mechanisms of specific defenses, depending on the level at which they operate, three subspecies can be distinguished. The first level includes those that have a connection with the characteristics of the threat posed by manipulation. They operate in their own personal structures. The second level includes defenses that are connected with automatisms of mental processes that implement manipulative influence. Here, defense mechanisms are related to manipulation mechanisms. The third level includes those protections that are associated with the means used by the manipulator.

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I agree with the idea of Frederick Perls that the main reason for the emergence of the phenomenon of manipulation lies in the eternal internal conflict of a person between his desire for independence and independence, on the one hand, and the desire to find support in his environment, on the other. A good example of this is the relationship between an employer and an employee employed by him. Let's assume that the employer has developed for the employees - salesmen - some manual on strategy of trade in the given firm, thereby having eliminated necessity of independent search of the decision of this problem (vile trick, isn't it!). It is quite obvious that he does not trust his sellers to negotiate with buyers, based on the individuality inherent in each of them, does not allow them to form their own opinion about them and be themselves, starting from their conclusions. Instead, employees must frame their interactions with customers within a narrowly defined framework of pre-designed briefings, which in itself is highly offensive to both sellers and buyers, as it strikes at their personal integrity.

On the other hand, the employee in modern society is no longer just a freelance worker, he turns into a seeker of special benefits, an earner of extremely high profits, a catcher of endless advantages. He demands certain rights, insists on certain privileges, without even trying to demonstrate his abilities and business qualities. Recently, while talking with one of the candidates for a vacancy, I received a wonderful example to confirm my words. The job he applied for involved a small commercial project. Throughout our conversation, he never once expressed a desire to show me what he is capable of and what he can offer us; on the contrary, from the very beginning he demanded a contract. Moreover, he insisted on the possibility of having a share of the profits, despite the fact that he did not take part in its preparation.

Not trusting himself, not believing in the possibility of being self-sufficient and independent, a person sees his salvation in trusting other people. But the situation is complicated by the fact that he is also not able to completely trust others, so he has no choice but to manipulate these others within the framework of his own interest in order to somehow support himself. Imagine a man who runs after someone, clinging to the strap of his cloak, while still trying to rule him; or a driver who refuses to drive and sits in the back seat, but still guides the person driving from there! These situations can be summed up in one word: “distrust”. We simply cannot trust our organismic balance to allow us to simply live our own lives and enjoy any experience. For the most part, this state of affairs is a consequence of our childhood, when we learned that our body is like a wild, unbridled horse, which must be tamed and never let go, and which must be constantly controlled, never losing vigilance.

Erich Fromm identified another reason that encourages people in the modern world to manipulate each other. He argued that love is primary in the relationship between a person and a person, and that it is love that reveals the true essence of a person, for it is his original essence. The major world religions instruct us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, but here we are faced with a major obstacle. How many people know how to do it. Most do not even realize that until we love ourselves, we cannot love our neighbor.

We have learned well that the more perfect we appear to others, the more flawless we seem to them, the more we will be loved. Although in fact the opposite is much more likely to be true, for the more we are able to accept our flaws and weaknesses that everyone has, the more love we receive as a reward. Nevertheless, to earn love is not so easy, and then the manipulator, in desperation, resorts to an alternative option: he tries to achieve absolute power over others, power that would make the other person do what he likes, the manipulator, think the way he needs , to feel what he wants - in a word, to turn the other into a thing, into his thing.

The third reason for manipulative behavior was proposed by James Bugenthal and the existentialists, who pointed out that our existence is fraught with constant risk and many random, unforeseen circumstances that surround us on all sides, and that our every action is like a stone thrown into a lake. The total number of all possible scenarios that can happen to us at any moment is beyond our scope. This world is unpredictable, and modern man feels powerless when faced with the true state of things in the situation of his existence in which he finds himself. To quote Bugental, who gives the conclusion of the passive manipulator regarding this circumstance: "Because I cannot control everything that affects my life, I refuse to control anything." Seeing the unpredictability of his life, he gives up and translates this feeling of the impossibility of influencing what happens to him into the rank of an absolute law. He completely turns into an object " / 3 /. As a result, the passive manipulator falls into complete inactivity and absolute inertia, which, in turn, further aggravates his helplessness. On the basis of this, the uninitiated may get the impression that in this way the passive manipulator automatically becomes the victim of the active manipulator. But this is far from the case. It is just a very clever and equally dastardly trick of the passive manipulator. As Perls has well shown, in any fight between the "dog from above" and the "dog from below, the latter almost always wins. For example this can be done by the mother who becomes ill when she loses all other control over her children. Her helplessness indicates to them that she needs help and assistance and that they must give in for a while even if they do not want to at all. make.

On the other hand, the active manipulator, in turn, "harasses the people around him, taking advantage of their impotence and helplessness, and achieves the goal by establishing control over his voluntary victims, while receiving a sense of complete satisfaction as a reward for what he has done. Take a look, for example, on parents who cannot come to terms with the idea that over time their power over children invariably weakens and sooner or later may disappear altogether, on how they reject and drive away such thoughts from themselves, comforting themselves with the bright hope that their vigilant the eye will control the yellow-mouthed offspring until the last spark of life in it is extinguished. And what remains for them? How can they fulfill their need to make their children dependent on themselves? How can they destroy in children such a dangerous desire for independence? " /4/. Usually the parent is in the "dog on top" position, and the child is in the "dog bottom" position. On the example of this tandem, we can observe the effect of the method of building relationships on the principle of "if - then": "If you do your homework, I will let you take the car" or: "If you finish the potatoes, you can watch TV." Today's kids quickly learn the basic principle of how this trick works and start using it in reverse, wondering what they get out of it: "If I mow my front lawn, how much will I get for pocket money?" or. "Even if Jim's father lets him take the car every weekend, why can't you let me do the same?"

A true active manipulator in this case can simply bark - "You will do as I said, and without any questions!". This is a method we often see in business: "I own fifty-one percent of this company and they will wear this uniform because I want them to wear it." And even in education, as, for example, in the case of one of the founders of the college where I studied for a while, who liked to say: "I don't care what color these buildings are, as long as they remain blue" (the word "blue" ( blue) also has the meanings of "dull" or "puritan" in English, because of this wordplay, the sentence takes on a double meaning - approx. transl.).

As a fourth assumption regarding the possible causes of manipulative behavior, we can name the hypotheses of Jay Haley, Eric Berne and William Glasser. Working with patients with schizophrenia, Haley found that they are afraid of close interpersonal relationships, try not to enter into such relationships with people around them, avoid the very possibility of their occurrence. Berne suggested that in order to control their emotions and thus avoid intimacy, people play a variety of games with each other. Glasser, in turn, hypothesized that one of the basic human fears is the fear of involvement. Thus, a manipulator is a person who interacts with other people within the framework of certain rituals, wanting to avoid intimacy and inclusion through this.

The fifth possible reason for the phenomenon of manipulation was called by Albert Ellis, who wrote that each of us, in the process of growing up, comes to certain conclusions about what life is, and many of them are very illogical. So, for example, one of these conclusions is that life is based on a person's constant and urgent need for approval from everyone around him /5/. This belief is built on the life of a passive manipulator, which, according to Ellis, is any person who refuses to be honest and open in dealing with other people and instead tries to please them, hoping to please them.

To lie is to acknowledge the superiority of the person to whom you are lying. Samuel Butler

Man is not born manipulator. Masking true emotions is the first sign of a manipulator. The last thing the manipulator wants is for at least someone, even the closest person to him, to know about his deepest feelings.

Most often, the manipulator is not satisfied with himself and his world. The manipulator treats his affairs as boring duties that need to be got rid of as soon as possible. He does not know how to seize the moment and enjoy it or experience strong feelings. He believes that the time for fun and pleasure, for development and learning is childhood and youth. Upon reaching "maturity" he renounces life and vegetates in the full sense of the word, not even trying to comprehend the meaning of his existence.

The manipulator attributes existing misfortunes to his past experiences and enjoys his own suffering. Being unable to appreciate himself for who he is, the manipulator feels misunderstood, unrecognized and underestimated.

The liar's punishment is not that no one else believes him, but that he himself can no longer trust anyone. Bernard Show

The more he devalues himself, the more part of himself he is forced to deny, not accept and treat as a "thing", so those around him also become "things". The manipulator proceeds from a sense of his own inferiority, extending it to all representatives of the human race. He is sure that this inferiority can be overcome only by fight with oneself ("bad" parts of oneself) and others.

Why are they manipulated or why do people become manipulators? How to distinguish a manipulator from a "non-manipulator"? What does a person lose by turning into a manipulator? ..

The first reason for the emergence of manipulation lies in the eternal internal conflict of a person between his desire for independence and independence, on the one hand, and the desire to find support in his environment, on the other. Not trusting himself, not believing in the possibility of being self-sufficient and independent, a person sees his salvation in trusting other people. But the situation is complicated by the fact that he is also not able to completely trust others, so he has no choice but to manipulate these others within the framework of his own interest in order to somehow support himself. Imagine a man who runs after someone, clinging to the strap of his cloak, while still trying to rule him; or a driver who refuses to drive and sits in the back seat, but still guides the person driving from there! These situations can be characterized by a single word: "distrust".

Secondly, manipulators are not able to accept their flaws and weaknesses that everyone has and do not believe that they can earn love. Then the manipulator, in desperation, resorts to an alternative option: he tries to achieve absolute power over others, power that would force the other person to do what he, the manipulator, thinks the way he needs to, feel what he wants - in a word , turn another into a thing, into your own thing.

The third reason for manipulative behavior is that our existence is fraught with constant risk and many random, unforeseen circumstances that surround us from all sides. This world is unpredictable, and the passive manipulator feels powerless when faced with the true state of things in the situation of his existence in which he finds himself. Therefore, he puts pressure on the pity of others, being sure that this is the only way to survive.

Fourth, manipulators are afraid of close interpersonal relationships, try not to enter into such relationships with people around them, and avoid the very possibility of their occurrence. In order to control their emotions and thus avoid intimacy, people play a variety of games with each other. One of the basic human fears is the fear of involvement. Thus, a manipulator is a person who interacts with other people within the framework of certain rituals, wanting to avoid intimacy and inclusion through this.

The fifth reason for manipulation: a person in the process of growing up comes to certain conclusions about what life is, and many of them are very illogical. So, for example, one of these conclusions is that life is based on a person's constant and urgent need for approval from everyone around him. This belief is built on the life of a passive manipulator, which is any person who refuses to be honest and open in dealing with other people and instead tries to please them, hoping to please them.

How to distinguish a manipulator from a "non-manipulator" (actualizer):

The manipulator is characterized by lies, unconsciousness (does not realize what is really important in life), control, cynicism (unbelief). "Non-manipulator", or as it is called in psychology, the actualizer is honest (sincere), appreciates freedom (spontaneity, openness), awareness (interest, response), trust (faith, conviction).

The actualizer is able to honestly express his feelings, whatever they may be. He is characterized by sincerity, expressiveness, he really happens to be himself. The actualizer sees and hears himself and others well. He is receptive to art, music and other manifestations of life. The actualizer is spontaneous. He is capable of free expression of his potentialities. He is the master of his life, the subject, not the object - "thing". The Actualizer deeply believes in himself and others. He strives to be in constant contact with life and cope with difficulties here and now. 4.6666666666667 Rating 4.67 (6 Votes)