How to support, calm and comfort a person in grief? Recommendations and advice of experts. What to say to a person who has lost a loved one? A friend is very worried about how to help him

It often happens that tongue-tiedness attacks us, the right words do not come to mind, and banal phrases and other people's quotes run the risk of being taken with resentment. It is good if words of support are at hand in difficult times, written or spoken in simple language.

How to support a friend if he is in a sad mood?

In order to cheer up a sad friend, the following phrases are suitable:

Chin up! Let's try to change that sad expression on your face. When you smile, you seem to glow from within. For the sake of this, it is worth coming up with a reason to smile;
You already had difficult moments that are left behind. Agree that now many of them are forgotten or vaguely remembered. After some time, this trouble will remain a blur in the memory;
Try to look at this situation from the other side. You possess the values so desired by many: health, good looks, a lively mind and a sense of humor. With such qualities one cannot be discouraged for long;
It will be useful for you to unwind a little, choose the next free evening and spend it with friends. You'll see how a sincere conversation and a change of scenery will affect your mood!

In this video, psychologist Andrei Bukushev will tell you what words are best to support a loved one in difficult times, how and when they are best pronounced:

What to write to someone who was fired from work?

Deprivation of work often causes the appearance of negative emotions. There is a selection of messages suitable to cheer up the fired:

Don't be sad, it's for the best. This work did not reveal, but jammed your potential. You need something more suitable, according to your abilities;
It's OK! With your intelligence, good experience and many positive qualities, if you search seriously, you will soon find a new place that will be much better. I won’t be surprised if in a week you will be in another company in a higher position;
Don't worry like that! It is not difficult for you to find a job with a similar salary and closer to your home. You will also feel the joy that you will stop wasting a lot of time on the road and use the saved hours with benefit;
Judging by your stories, they treated you there not in the best way. Stop wasting your life on such a thankless pastime. You deserve a place where the conditions and attitude towards employees will be much better;
Don't worry too much! It is better to spend your nerves looking for vacancies. There are many websites with similar information. Sign up, send your details and get back up and running quickly. This is not a cause for concern.

Phrases for someone who quarreled with loved ones

A quarrel with dear people is a situation that requires delicacy in statements. Below are a few examples:

It’s sad that you had a fight, but what happened can’t be changed, which means you need to think about how to fix the situation in the present. The one who is dear is sometimes able to offend, but close people are distinguished by their connection and understanding. The main thing is to take a step towards reconciliation in time;
Of course, harsh statements from loved ones hurt, because there is no protective shell against them. But relatives should be able to forgive, in addition, they know each other well. If you calm down and think well, you will find a way to make peace;
Don't worry like that! This is not the first time this happens, you know that you are dear to each other. So, everything will be fine and you will definitely make peace.

Comforting words for a friend at parting

Broken relationships with loved ones can lead to depression. In such a case, one of the following items is suitable:

Now it is difficult for you to accept such thoughts, but you will definitely meet someone special to whom you will switch your attention. Like the body, the soul is gradually healed and restored;
Keep your nose up! Sometimes the old leaves because the new is desperately knocking on the door. If you do not allow yourself to sink into despondency, you will soon understand it;
Most importantly, don't lock yourself in. You need to be distracted, to feel new emotions that are not related to what is happening. It is important to force yourself to be interested in something in order to get emotional fuel for your morale. The patient physically needs food, even if he does not want it, and you need “food” for the soul to recover;
They say that everything that happens is for the best. Because of the frequent use, it seems banal. But repeated use does not make the truth any less true. Breaking up can push you to move on to a new life stage, open the door for someone more suitable;
Everything will be as it should be. If there is real intimacy between people, then they will find a way to overcome resentment, to end strife. What is yours will be with you.

Words of support to a sick person in your own words

When a friend learns about an illness, it is important to help him not to lose heart. Below is a selection of words to lift mental tone and confidence:

Many unexplainable things happen in life. There are cases when people not only suddenly fall ill, but are also unexpectedly healed. Most importantly, do not lose heart;
Hold on! Don't let yourself get discouraged! Self-hypnosis is essential for the state of the body! If you sincerely believe in good, then your health will become better;
I believe that everything should work out for you! Willpower and positive thoughts can do a lot;
Try to calm down, you need strength now. Stress can lower your immune system or cause symptoms that make you weak. If you relax, thinking about the good, then the body will have the opportunity to engage in recovery, using internal reserves;
Don't you dare despair! Currently, medicine is becoming more progressive than it was before, and treatment is more effective. Remember that we are with you and will make every effort to combat this problem;
Don't get depressed! You are much stronger than you think! You are flint! And all the difficulties will only temper you, after which they will end and give way to good events;
Now it seems to you that everything is bad, but then, when the white streak finally comes, you will remember these days like a bad dream. Trust in it! Together we will try to bring your recovery closer;
I believe that everything will be fine with you! I sincerely wish you a speedy recovery, and you believe in its approach! Think that this is a test for you, with which you will cope and become stronger;
Don't forget that you are not alone! Close people are with you, including me. Remember our love and support, together it will be easier for us to overcome all obstacles.

Words of support for the death of a loved one

The death of loved ones shocks people, stress muffles the perception of other people's consolations. You cannot change what happened, but you should express sympathy.

Here are some formulations for such critical moments:

I really sympathize with you! I wish you more strength to withstand this blow and not get lost in your emotions. If you want to talk or speak out, I will listen to you at any time;
I'm sorry, I sympathize with you! He (she) was a wonderful and sincere person, his departure is a shock to everyone who considered himself his (her) friends. But it's hard to even imagine what you're experiencing. Hold on... If you need my help or support, just tell me;
Please accept our condolences, this news was a shock. We remember and will always remember him (her) as an extraordinary and kind person who knew how to change any situation for the better with his presence. Light to him (her) memory;
Hold on! The pain of such a loss cannot be drowned out by any words of consolation. But you need to try so that the memory of him (her) is filled with the brightest feelings. We are not able to overcome death, but I believe that it is not the end point. It is unlikely that he (she) would like your days to be filled with sadness and sorrow. May your memories of him (her) be the most tender and warm;
Sincere condolences! There are no words to ease the bitterness of such a loss, we can only wish you endurance and spiritual strength. We will always warmly remember him (her), keeping in memory all the good associated with him (her).

For some people, using ready-made words of support in difficult times seems like something wrong. But in the absence of time to think, finding words on your own is not easy. It is important to carefully reread the selected phrase before sending it to avoid inconsistencies.

Video: words of support in difficult moments of life

In this video, Dmitry Turkin will tell you what words are most suitable for supporting a person in difficult times:

A woman draws vital energy from nature, a man receives energy from a woman. You can return what you received and, accordingly, establish energy exchange with the help of gifts. There is a pattern: everything presented to a woman will return to her lover tenfold. But greedy men close the energy flow on themselves, their business stagnates. And vice versa - generous men achieve a lot: their women easily part with their energy for the sake of their beloved, and it increases his strength and power.

How to support a man?

Men don't like being given advice or sympathy without asking. They want to be trusted. Men need to constantly assert themselves. They get a lot of pleasure, achieving something on their own. A man feels supported when a Woman tells him something like: “I believe in you, that you can handle it yourself. I trust you with this until you yourself openly ask for help.

Many women believe that the only way to get what they want in a relationship with a Man is to criticize when he is wrong and give advice when he does not ask for them. A woman often does not suspect that she can induce a Man to do something, simply asking him about it directly, without criticism and advice. If a Woman does not like the way a Man behaves, she should directly tell him about it, without judging him and not saying that he is wrong or that he is bad.

There are three magic words that can support a Man: "You are not to blame." When a Woman shares her sorrows with a Man, she will be very supportive if she says: “I really appreciate that you listen to me. If you think that I am blaming you, then this is not so - I am just sharing with you what I feel.

The fact is that a Man often perceives as an accusation that a Woman ingenuously tells him about her grief - this instantly blocks communication and negatively affects relationships. It is important to remember that good communication requires the participation of both parties. A man should not forget that complaints are not accusations, and when a Woman complains, she is simply trying to relieve tension by talking about what upsets her. And it is important for a Woman to make it clear to a Man that she appreciates him, despite all her complaints.

Men are very upset when they are not required to solve a problem, because they need to feel good in every sense. Letting the Man know that he helps her a lot, just by listening to her, the Woman opens his eyes to her nature and at the same time gives him a reason for self-affirmation, which is so precious for the Man.

To support a man A woman should not suppress her feelings or change them. However, it is important for her to learn how to express them in such a way that the Man does not feel that he is being attacked, accused or condemned. A small change in the inner emphasis in expressing feelings can give amazing results!

John Gray

WHAT A MAN WANTS FROM A WOMAN

✔I want you to listen to me, but not judge me.
✔ I want you to speak up without giving me advice unless I ask.
✔ I want you to trust me without demanding anything.
✔ I want you to be my support without trying to decide for me.
✔ I want you to take care of me, but not like a mother to her son.
✔ I want you to look at me without trying to get something from me.
✔ I want you to hug me, but not choke me.
✔ I want you to inspire me, but not lie.
✔ I want you to support me in a conversation, but do not answer for me.
✔ I want you to be closer, but leave me personal space.
✔ I want you to be aware of my unattractive traits, accept them and not try to change them.
✔ I want you to know... that you can count on me... No limits.

Jorge Bukay

PHRASES that can have a striking effect on men:

1. My Beloved (this is IMPORTANT: do not use the word - Dear, this word no longer contains the necessary information. On the contrary, this word in relation to a man has a glamorous and mannered connotation);
2. Strong (I think comments are unnecessary here)
3. The most daring (most importantly, to say with a complete lack of irony)
4. You are the best (awesome phrase, it works for almost all types of men of all ages)
5. Sexy (Oh yeah!)
6. Smart (amazing effect - word bomb!)
7. Generous (Real men think that they are, however, not real Jews - too)
8. Clever, well done (do not be shy: use these words generously and often, and you will be happy!)
9. Unsurpassed (in a particular case)
10. Awesome
11. I feel so good with you (you can after intimacy, you can just like that, a great phrase that never happens!);
12. You turn me on (and also “insert” - and to be honest, this is a treasure for close relationships, a hook phrase);
13. I miss you so much (a good phrase if you are apart);
14. I admire you (no comment!)
15. I love you so much (often, often, constantly say this phrase to HIM, believe me - it works!)
16. You can make me laugh
17. Only you understand me (Often, with a heartfelt intonation, the result will be excellent!)
18. You know me inside and out (A wonderful phrase that generates trust, the main thing is not to do the opposite, otherwise it will not work)
19. You are the only one for me (Let's please their male Ego!)
20. I love your touch (Let them learn, dear and beloved, it will be useful for them where a woman is pleased and where not)
21. I'm behind you like behind a stone wall (Once a week is an excellent frequency of use)
22. I breathe you (you can change the ending to “live”)
23. I can’t imagine what I would do without you (How they (men) dream about it, therefore more often, with the right intonation and tenderness in their eyes.)
24. I am so calm next to you (same effect as in the phrase with "stone wall")
25. You are so gallant (refined compliment)
26. I'm so happy with you (Chic phrase, which is 90% of the male population)
27. I don't want you to stop loving me sometime (small suggestion)
28. I can't stop admiring you (Psychologists say that men look in the mirror more often than beautiful ladies, which means it works!)
29. I will love you forever (No need for pathos, it's better to say - "always")
30. I miss your hugs (Great phrase that works 100% when you are apart)
31. I beg your pardon
32. You are so insatiable (Men dream of being like that, so let's tell them THIS!)
33. I'm so lonely without you (Good energy, often tell him this on the phone, in letters, sms)
34. I can't wait to see you
35. I miss you so much (on the phone, in a letter - amazing effect)
36. I don't need anything but your love. (Yes, yes, cool wording, here you are hinting that he is needed as he is, without a car, apartment, etc. They appreciate it.)
37. I trust you in everything (Good phrase, works)
38. I will follow you to the ends of the world (You can also use "earth", "planet")
39. You are my prince on a white horse (or on a Mercedes. Use only in relation to a loved one)
40. Just be with me (yes, they, these boys, still believe in “just”)
41. I am so grateful to you for everything you have done for me (works well, proven phrase, works 100 percent)
42. I want to be with you forever (Oddly enough, despite some pathos, this is a phrase that many men fall for. Try it.)
43. I want to wake up next to you every morning (Gorgeous magnet, act girls!)
44. The thought of separation from you kills me (sometimes this is possible, if infrequently and on business!)
45. I have never loved anyone so much! (Do not say this very often, otherwise the man begins to think, but were there many of them, these same “no one”, and why did she set it up, what if ...? Well, in general, you understand!)
46. You know how to be so gentle (great phrase, let them believe in it and become more tender, bumpkins!)
47. Your kisses drive me crazy (let him try more often)
48. I go crazy when you look at me like that (Let him look more often and more closely, this is only good for us)
49. When you leave me so bad (sometimes, but not very often, it can be used)
50. I couldn't even dream that I could meet you (yes, hook phrase)
51. My life became bright when I met you (Effective, worth using)
52. I don’t have enough words to express how much I love you (Phrase-lighter in a relationship, say once a week or a little less often)
53. You are the man of my dreams (Oh yes! The logical conclusion of this worthy list of phrases, the frequency is about once every 5-7 days, not more often).

Now let's move on to the more practical side - communication ...

Have you often encountered a problem when your friend or loved one has depression, and you do not know what to say to him and how to help overcome this condition? It is very difficult to find the right words in such a situation, because a person can react incorrectly and even inadequately. Below are the most powerful words that will help you support a loved one in difficult times.

Phrases that make it clear that you are worried about a person:

"What can I do for you?"

All written sources describing this problem advise SHOW, not SAY. Words are not all that is helpful for a person struggling with depression.

So, what I find most comforting at a time when it is impossible to collect my thoughts is the arrival of my friend who came and prepared dinner for me, or someone's offer to clean up my place. Believe me, practical care is a very big support for a person who is facing grief or suffering from depression. Why not go and visit a man who has completely lost his mood?

Actions are very effective when communicating, you express compassion to the interlocutor also in a practical way. Even if he is too modest to accept such help, I can assure you that he will put your words in that secret corner of his soul that will remind you: "This person cares about me."

“Maybe there is something that could help you feel better?”

Talk to the person about something that once brought him joy, or about something new that could bring him joy. Perhaps he himself will not have an answer to this question, or perhaps he will remember something that could cheer him up now, but he is not able to do it. Then you can give him that support and help him do something that will cheer him up.

Brew tea, be there, do not say unnecessary words, position him for a confidential conversation.

"Do you want me to accompany you?"

Maybe a person has been used to being alone for a long time and did not even think about the fact that someone might be around at the time when you need to go shopping or get to some place. Moreover, no one accompanied him home. You can offer such support, it will show that you really care about the person and do not want to leave him alone with his thoughts.

Such actions will say more than just the words "I'm there", "I'm with you", "You can count on me", because you are really there, and you can really be counted on!

"Do you find support in someone?"

These words say: “You need support. Let's find a way to get it."

Such a question will help to understand whether a person is surrounded by support from relatives or whether he is left to himself. If you know that someone is trying to support him, but he himself does not talk about it or does not notice support as such, then this will help you understand that it is important for a person, what helps him and what does not.

The more loved ones show such care, the better for the person. If you know that he feels lonely in his trouble and does not receive the support of loved ones, talk to them. Let them know how important it is for them to connect and be there during this difficult time.

You should also not forget that you can seek help from specialists if the person himself does not mind. I think this is not the first method of helping, but if you yourself cannot help a person, it is better to entrust this to professionals. Again, only with the consent of the person. He needs to be helped to understand that depression is a serious and dangerous disease, but quite correctable, especially if the person himself understands this and is ready to fight.

“It will definitely end and you will feel like before”

These words do not judge, impose or manipulate. They just give hope and that HOPE will keep the person alive or at least motivate them to live until the next day to see if there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

This is not a simple and seemingly indifferent “It will pass”, “It happens and not like that”. Such words show that you are really worried about what is happening in a person’s life, you wish him and you yourself sincerely believe that this will soon pass.

Make it clear that this is just a disease, a curable condition, after which there is a happy life. Everything will not end on such experiences and emotions.

"What do you think about the most?"

Such a question will help determine the possible cause of depression, what causes the most anxiety and occupies the person’s thoughts. You explore all the possible causes, but don't settle for just one. When through such a conversation a person draws his own conclusions, he will take responsibility for what can be changed.

Perhaps your loved one now really needs a person who knows how to listen and have the right questions for the conversation. Be gentle at this time and be prepared to listen more than talk, and even be silent at the right time.

What time of day is the most difficult for you?

Try to find out when your loved one's depressing thoughts are most disturbing, and be as close as possible at that time. Don't leave him alone. Even when he does not want to talk, believe me, after a while your presence will bring extraordinary fruits and healing.

Calling at the right time, willingness of the other to wait until the time when he wants to talk about the problem, just being there is very valuable! If you are nearby, hug the person, make tea, sit nearby and just be ready to help with all your being. In the most difficult time - you are there. And most importantly, they are constant.

"I'm here to help you"

This is what you can say to validate all the actions you are already doing for the person. You should not throw such words if it is not so. But if it's true, backed up by deeds, it gives strength. It's simple. It is necessary. And in these words there is everything you need to say: I care, although I cannot fully understand everything, but I love and support you.

Silence

This is the most inconvenient because we always want to fill the silence with something, even if it's the weather. But to say nothing and just listen - sometimes there is the best and most appropriate answer in this case.

Be sensitive and attentive. Don't talk in vain. Be closer to a person's heart, it can understand even without words.

How can you be prepared to provide this kind of support?

Supporting someone in difficult times is not easy for the one who provides this support. First, because you may not know exactly how to help a person. Secondly, because you are simply worried about him, and yes, you also hurt somewhere inside from his pain!

Stock up on patience and love in advance, be prepared to wait as long as necessary. You won't always understand everything. This is not required of you. But if you are there and support and express care in every way possible for you, you can do it.

But it requires a certain amount of dedication. We are not always ready to invest so much in someone. For this you need to really love.

Help a person to find the meaning of life. If you yourself are confused in this matter, we can talk with you about it. After all, there is nothing more important than the state of the human soul and the contribution that we can make to relationships.

A PHOTO Getty Images

“My friend was very upset by the departure of her husband from the family,” says Elena. “She was dependent on him both emotionally and financially, and to support her, I tried to help her find a job. I persuaded friends to take her on a trial period, it seemed to me that a new occupation would help her get out of a state of emotional numbness. However, she took my efforts with hostility.” “Here is a clear example of what a sincere desire to help can lead to,” says social psychologist Olga Kabo. - It is likely that at that moment the friend needed not active proposals, but silent sympathy. And effective help with work would, perhaps, be useful a little later. Researchers at the University of Louisville name two main forms of behavior of people seeking to calm someone down. The first involves specific support and psychological assistance in resolving the problem, the second comes down, rather, to silent sympathy and I remind you “everything passes, this too will pass.” “These two dissimilar strategies can be equally effective in helping different people,” says psychologist Beverly Flaxington. – The only problem is that we often, for various reasons, choose the one that is not suitable for a particular situation. A person perceives our words as false and insensitive. And we understand that not only did not help, but, it seems, upset him even more. Psychologists recognize that choosing the right words for comfort can be a daunting task.

What should (always) be considered?

How well do you know the person and understand their problem
Human temperament
His ability to deal with a problem on his own
The depth of his feelings
The need, from your point of view, for professional psychological assistance

One factor in how we perceive outside support is a sense of self-confidence. A study by the University of Waterloo (Canada) 1 showed that people with low self-confidence are more likely to reject attempts by loved ones to help them find a more optimistic and constructive outlook on things. And this distinguishes them from those who are more confident and, as a result, open to rethink what happened and take action. Obviously, you will be more helpful to less confident people if you are simply there and share their experiences, without any attempt to change your view of the situation or simply distract yourself from it. But for people with a fairly high level of confidence, your active support would be more effective. Understanding the needs of another person does not happen overnight - it takes time to get to know and understand them well. There are also existential problems that it is important for a person to meet and cope on his own. There are people who at the moment do not feel the need for attention and prefer solitude. At the same time, psychologists identify a number of rules that should be followed if a loved one is in trouble.

Note Strategies

Be there. Sometimes words lose all meaning. And the best thing you can do is just be there. Call, invite to visit, in a cafe or for a walk. Stay in touch without making your presence intrusive. “Just try to always stay within reach for a loved one,” suggests social psychologist Olga Kabo. – It seems to us that it is negligible, just to respond to calls and be ready to listen. But for your loved one, this is a huge support.”

Listen. Many of us are not easy to open up. Be patient and support your loved one when they are ready to talk. “When a person began to speak, cheer with a few phrases,” advises Olga Kabo. - If tactile contact is important to him, you can take his hand. After that, don't interrupt and just listen. Do not give any assessments or advice - just be attentive to the words. Your interlocutor needs to get rid of the burden of negative emotions, and a frank story about what happened, about your feelings and experiences, is the first step to recovery.

Be delicate. Of course, you have your own point of view. However, it may be important for a person to speak out. And if your thoughts go against the way he currently sees and experiences the situation, this will cause him even more pain. It is possible that your constructive (as you think!) advice can come in handy. But not now, but when the acute period passes and your loved one will be able to treat what is happening more sensibly and balanced. Let him know that you will be there and support any decision. “You can help the person look at the problem from a different angle by asking questions. It is important that they remain neutral: “What does this mean for you?”, “What would you like (want) to do next?” and, of course, “Can I help you with something?”.

Be positive. Remember, right now a loved one needs your support, which means that it is important that you have emotional resources to help. Empathizing, do not let the despair and sense of hopelessness that your interlocutor may be in overwhelm you too. It is worth thinking and acting like doctors. Try to draw a distance between your life and what happened to your loved one. Think: yes, what happened is hard. But he needs time to live and accept the situation in which he is immersed. You look at it from the side and therefore keep a more sober look.

1 D. Marigold et al. "You can"t always give what you want: the challenge of providing social support to low self-esteem individuals", Journal of Personality and social psychology, July, 2014.

It is safe to say that in the life of every person there are unpleasant moments that cause unpleasant emotions. It is the emotional side that reflects the worldview of a particular person. People tend to react in completely different ways to certain events in life. This fact is influenced by the characteristics of temperament, upbringing, the degree of self-hypnosis and a number of other circumstances. On the other hand, the approach to each specific person requires special attention.

Any careless word can break the will of a person who, for all his propensity for self-hypnosis, is intolerant of various kinds of criticism. At the same time, there is a certain type of people who do not want to perceive the pity of others as a positive feeling. Someone is more prone to solitude, which allows him to once again analyze the situation and come to a certain conclusion.

Some people are afraid of the unknown and seek support from others. However, there are certain conditional rules that are mainly used by psychologists during sessions with patients, but which ordinary people should also learn in order to help themselves and their loved ones at the right moment. It is necessary to follow the tactics of communicating with people who find themselves in a difficult situation in order not only not to add unnecessary experiences to them with incorrect phrases or incorrectly expressed thoughts, but first of all to be able to help find a way out of the situation and smooth out the wave of experiences.

The temptation of civilization. How to find your way

What should not be said to a person who is grieving?

First of all, it is important not to focus a person's attention on his difficult situation, once again recalling unpleasant events, facts. Even if it is known that a person experiencing unpleasant moments of his life is a rather strong and persistent personality, able to cope with any difficulties. Often, a person’s inner weakness is so carefully disguised under the shell of self-confidence that others mistakenly perceive him as a very strong, reliable personality with practically indestructible volitional qualities. Often self-confidence is perceived as undoubted self-confidence. At the same time, even the most persistent personality can be quite weak and quite vulnerable. The loss of a loved one is especially difficult for all people.

You should not impose your thoughts on how a person who finds himself in a tragic situation should behave. Most likely, he will experience irritation from the fact that they are trying to teach him at such a difficult time for him. A strong personality is likely to react with aggression, which is understandable, and therefore there is no point in being offended and leaving. People experiencing grief focus all their attention on this event, that they can forget about those around them, with whom they were in. It must be remembered that this is a temporary situation, since any, even the saddest story, has a climax and a denouement. Not a single person on earth can stay at the peak of their own experiences indefinitely, this can lead to sad consequences.

As you know, stress adversely affects both the physical and mental health of a person. Against the backdrop of stress caused by grief experienced, a number of gastrointestinal diseases can occur, migraines occur, and immunity decreases.

Radamira Belova - Everything is bad for you then you are here

It is not uncommon for people to go crazy after the death of a loved one.

(This is especially true for mothers who have lost their children). Madness experts consider as one of the ways to mobilize the body's defenses. Since a person cannot be in a state of stress for a long time, in the case when, due to the lability of the nervous system, he cannot but think about the grief experienced, changes occur in his psyche. Such people, as it were, begin to live in another dimension. They find in the world of illusions what they lacked in real life. There are cases when mothers who have lost babies refuse to believe what happened, and continuing to swaddle dolls, they seriously believe that these are their children.

A person who experiences severe psychological trauma as a result of a tragedy can simply fall into a stupor, not reacting in any way to the words and actions of others. This is also a kind of self-defense of the body. At such a moment, he does not so much calm down as he does not perceive reality in all its details. You should not try to "stir up" the sufferer at such moments. First of all, this will not give any result, but on the other hand, any attempts to bring him to his senses and force him to go, for example, for a walk may look ridiculous and carry almost no positive in themselves.

It should not be forgotten that a person at such a moment is experiencing grief, which in his mind has a global scale. The desire of friends to cheer him up and cheer him up (with jokes, anecdotes, funny incidents) will be perceived as a “feast during the plague”, that is, you can automatically fall into the category of enemies who rejoice in someone else's grief.

In no case should a saddened person be reproached for his weakness and tell examples of how other people easily and quickly experience such moments, and then switch to everyday worries. This can create an unpleasant impression and sound in the mind of such a person as an attempt to accuse him of being filled with grief. In addition, there is a risk of becoming a person who does not understand someone else's misfortune. It is possible that a heartbroken person will say this directly, in a harsh tone and refuse to communicate afterwards.

Sergey Bugaev - The path of instant enlightenment

It is not necessary to openly pity a person if he is not tolerant of various kinds of pity.

At the same time, one cannot demonstrate complete indifference. It will be much easier for a person who has experienced grief if he feels spiritual support and understanding, which is expressed in the fact that his friends and relatives experience grief with him, understand his situation. It is necessary to very subtly catch the slightest direction of thought of such a person. Often victims refuse to take sedatives or other medications, convincing themselves that there is no point in doing so, since they have no will to live.

If it is obvious that the memories of the image of the departed person do not cause him additional suffering, and he wants to talk about it, you must definitely listen to him carefully, without inserting any additional remarks, except for confirmation that he is understood and his emotions are close to others. Such a person should not be left alone. It will be much better if some friends or close relatives express a desire to stay with him.

It is positive for many people, their presence in itself evokes warm feelings, and immediacy makes you forget about everything, even the most difficult and sad moments. However, it should be taken into account that a heartbroken person may not control himself, which means that he is able to burst into tears in the presence of children, which can adversely affect their mental health. In addition, children are very sensitive to the mood of adults.

If a person experiencing grief, this does not mean that he needs to present a gift in the form of an additional pet. The response may not be entirely predictable. But at the same time, it is possible that he will be able to get a little distracted by the sight of his favorite cuttings or guinea pigs.

By the way, the reaction of people who have lost a pet that has already managed to become full-fledged is not the same. Some seek to immediately acquire an animal similar in all parameters to the previous deceased animal. Others, on the contrary, prefer animals of other stripes so that they do not remind of the tragedy. The third category of people generally do not consider it right to acquire an animal after a grief, because they are not sure that they will be able to survive the loss of a new pet.

What should you say to a person who considers himself a failure?

It would be more correct to raise the question: what can not be said to a person who has experienced a failure, after which he considers his life in vain. You can give a lot of advice about this, but the right option would be an individual approach to the situation. Each person reacts differently to the same words. If, for example, the phrase “calm down, everything will be fine” can be perceived by an optimist as confirmation of his own thoughts, then an inveterate pessimist and skeptic may perceive it as a mockery. There is no point in being offended if an answer similar to the words follows: “Did you decide to laugh at me ?! Where will everything be fine? Such a feature of the reaction to not always triumphant reality is characteristic of people who are unsure of their abilities, who always and in everything tend to see the negative. They are very hard going through any difficulties, and due to the fact that it scares them a lot and stops them halfway, they cannot achieve high results in any business.
If a person who considers himself affected by a situation that has deprived him of a laurel in a certain field of activity is blamed for not showing enough perseverance and softening at the most crucial moment, you can not only lose a friend, but also suddenly become almost enemy. Deep down, people who are not prone to self-criticism blame everyone and everything for their failures. They are to blame for the circumstances and the people who at that moment met on the way, but not themselves. Often they prefer to put the blame for any of the defeats on other people, and then talk about it. In this case, you can carefully
Listen, and then very tactfully and carefully try to sort out the situation, noting the point at which they failed to keep the situation under control. But in no case do not talk about it directly. It must be emphasized that this is not the last chance. You can cite a few episodes from your own life as an example. And although a personal example is not always acceptable to others, it can somewhat encourage the spirit of one who has lost it. Sometimes, the confidence that you are not the only one who has suffered a failure gives strength and helps to cope with an inferiority complex.

How can you help overcome anxiety?

People are so emotionally prone that sometimes it's much easier to try to calm your friend than it is to deal with your own emotions. Parents are constantly worried about the behavior of their children, adult children are worried about the health of elderly parents, each person, in turn, young and old, is worried about upcoming events. So a schoolboy is worried at the sight of a strict examiner, an employee of a company is worried about whether he will be appointed to head a department, a graduate student all night goes over in his thoughts the possible events of the upcoming defense of his dissertation.

Of course, excitement in no way affects positively the situations that call for it. On the contrary, during a period of excitement, a person wastes colossal reserves of strength and energy that could be applied in the right direction. Thus, a student's surge of excitement does not allow him to remember the formula that he has been cramming all night, and the most diligent employee of the company does not dare to have a serious conversation with his boss about a salary increase. It turns out that excitement is able to strike at the most crucial moments, successfully failing all the plans conceived by people.

Is it possible to find the right words to calm an agitated friend or loved one? This is a rather responsible mission that requires caution, attentiveness and sensitivity. Most people when trying to interfere in their lives and dictate their own rules. They can perceive any advice as interference "not in their own business." In some cases, such support can cause the following reaction: “You don’t understand such issues at all, therefore you don’t understand my excitement!” It is important to first ask the person if he needs help. If he is disposed to speak frankly about the reasons for the excitement, it is possible to analyze the situation in detail in a more attractive way for him.

For the owner of a sense of humor, an option is suitable when he can imagine his strict boss or teacher in an unsightly way, for example, with green hair or in funny clothes. But the main thing is not to overdo it, so that the student, remembering the jokes, does not burst out laughing at the most inopportune moment. If a person is not prone to jokes, you can encourage him that with his abilities and intelligence he will definitely achieve everything. At the same time, psychologists do not recommend using the particle “ not", and also do not remind the word" excitement».