Is there a person or people in your life with whom you feel:

Despair

Helplessness

Loneliness

Anxiety

Losing control of your own life

That you are not loved

Embarrassment

If you have put a lot of checkmarks - or have checked at least one item, but the marked does not give you rest - then this book is for you. The above feelings and states can be called warning signals. The list I have given here is far from complete. In general, we are talking about feelings that suggest: you have developed unhealthy relationships with certain people, and these relationships create major problems for you. And they create problems not only for you, but also for those around you.

It is likely that the ticked boxes speak more about yourself and less about the people you interact with. In other words, they are indicators of your own communication style. But if the situation has developed in such a way that in your life there is a significant person for you who brings confusion and destruction into your being, then you need help. You have to figure out how to handle the "puppeteer". Yes, that's what we'll call it. We are all familiar with the tale of Alexei Tolstoy "The Adventures of Pinocchio". Remember how the dolls recognized Pinocchio? The wooden boy came to the theater, the performance was interrupted, the hall began to rustle with excitement. And then ... “Hearing all this noise, a man leaned out from behind the stage, so terrible in appearance that one could freeze from horror at one glance at him.

His thick, unkempt beard dragged along the floor, his bulging eyes rolled, his huge mouth clanged his teeth, as if it were not a man, but a crocodile. In his hand he held a seven-tailed whip.

It was the owner of the puppet theater, doctor of puppet science, Signor Karabas Barabas. "

Because of this unpleasant signor Buratino and his friends, they had to solve many difficult problems. And I must say that they managed to get out of the difficult situation with honor and defeated Karabas.

I pray to God that you can not only understand your own situation, but also develop the necessary approach to relations with your personal Karabas. This is an approach that would make your puppeteer change and help you change and grow spiritually.

Do you think it will be easy? Not. Change doesn't come easily. But they are possible if you follow the principles that flow from God's character, God's grace, and God's word. Only under this condition can you become a person who grows spiritually and mentally. A person who positively affects the people around him and knows how to build healthy relationships.

If you have a difficult person in your life, then it's time to get down to business!

LIVING WITH HARD PEOPLE

From the very beginning of creation, God changes difficult people

Sonya has a younger sister Cheryl, who often changes her plans and does not bother to inform Sonya about it. How many times had they dined together! But each time Cheryl has an important matter, she misses lunch time, does not call - and Sonya dines alone. Last weekend Cheryl promised to sit with her sister's children, and Sonya and her husband wanted to go on vacation. The couple looked forward to a good evening, but at the last minute everything fell through. When they were already dressed, it turned out that Cheryl decided to go shopping, and Sonya and her husband had to stay at home.

People who have visited Linda and Jim never visit them again and do not invite them to their place - it is too difficult to communicate with Jim. When Linda wants to tell something interesting, he immediately interrupts her. If the cell phone rings, then Jim starts a conversation in front of the guests, and everyone is forced to listen to him. As soon as you offer Linda to help with the dishes, Jim is right there - he thinks that you need to immediately find out everything about his new stereo system. If it's time for you to leave in order to let go of the nanny in time, and you are already on the doorstep, Jim persistently offers you a tour of the house in order to tell in all the subtleties about the expensive alterations that he has started. Linda is dead tired of Jim's selfishness, but all her words and actions do not change anything. Poor Linda - she cannot, like other people, no longer come to visit Jim. She has to live with him.

Evelyn is a bitter drunkard, only she doesn't admit it. She lives alone not far from her son Tony. She calls him several times a day, and often at night, begging him to come. When she appears at Tony's house, the children are frightened of her unpredictable antics.

Several times already, Tony and his wife had to call the police to find Evelyn, who was running away from them in an unknown direction, lamenting that she was not respected. Tony tried to reason with his mother, be firm, just ignore her - all in vain. Jen, Tony's wife, supported her husband as much as she could, but she was tired of the chaos that Evelyn brought into their lives. Jen began to reproach her husband for not being able to cope with his mother.

I described the situations at first glance are very different. But they certainly have something in common - in the lives of Sonya, Linda and Tony there is a person who poisons their lives. Do you catch something familiar? Then, most likely, there is a difficult person in your life too.

Who is pulling your strings?

As a rule, a significant person plays the role of Karabas. This could be your spouse, child, parent, admirer, coworker, neighbor, boyfriend, or girlfriend. People fall into the hands of the "puppet theater director" in a variety of situations. The puppeteer may be:

A petty boss who does not even allow a step to be taken without instructions

An adult child who has grown up a long time ago, but lives at your expense

An indifferent husband who shies away from communicating with you

A grumpy wife who sees only other people's flaws

The "sacrifice" that everyone else is called to save

Lover you can't rely on

A self-absorbed mother who doesn't care about others

A colleague who manages to spoil the atmosphere in the team with his mood

A relative who spreads gossip and sows discord in the family

An alcoholic or drug addict who turns the lives of loved ones into chaos

The father of the family who explodes for any reason, and everyone has to walk on tiptoe in front of him

The list goes on.

Lena and Vitya are classmates. Lena rents an apartment, Vitya lives in a hostel. At some point, the girl began to notice the interested glances of a young man on herself. Further - more: at lectures he sits down next to him, "pours in" compliments, and then he even invited me to a cafe. Lena thought: the guy "fell for" me ... But she did not put up any resistance, because "he is very cute." Gradually, the girl began to feel, besides sympathy, an aching tenderness for Vitya: the poor man, he lives in a hostel, chokes as an anacom, neither has a proper rest, nor a human wash.
Once I invited him to dinner, when I saw him home from classes, the second… A month later, Vitya firmly settled in Elena's life - and in the apartment too. The girl had already cherished dreams of a joint future, but one "fine" day at dinner, Victor, as if by the way, shared: "I want to introduce you to Vika." To the bewildered question of who Vika was, Lena received an imperturbable answer: "Vika is my girlfriend." I think there is no need to describe everything that followed this revelation ... Material use of a person is very unpleasant. But it is still easier to insure against it than against the use of a psychological one.

Situation B

Edward was abandoned by his beloved woman. I found myself another - more promising, in her words - and left. In despair, the man closed in on himself: he took a vacation without pay, turned off the phone - so that they would not pester with questions, and from morning to evening - and at night too - “savored” his grief.
His only joy was the VKontakte social network. It was there that he caught the eye of Dasha: a blonde with a sad look. "Comrade in misfortune" - flashed through Edward's head, and his fingers confidently tapped the keyboard. Intuition did not disappoint the young man: Daria was really in a similar position. But Edik himself kept silent about what happened to him. He composed a story that his life does not work out, that he is “nobody's,” “nobody needs him,” “cannot find a kindred spirit,” etc. And he calculated correctly: Dasha fell for the bait he had thrown. She unquestioningly listened to his complaints, consoled him as much as possible from a distance. Once Dasha confessed to Edik that she saw in him not only a friend, that is, she made it clear to the young man: "I like you." Edward took this statement with enthusiasm, but added that he still cannot let it into his heart, arguing it this way: "there is too much deep pain there." However, the girl did not insist - she was afraid to open up Edward's heart wound. And completely in vain, as it turned out later. A month before the New Year, "nobody's" Edik told Dasha that his beloved Nelly had returned. "How so? You wrote that you are lonely ... What will happen to me now? ... "- the deceived Daria sent a message. "We are just friends - nothing more can be between us" - retorted the traitor. Loss of trust in people, broken dreams and a crippled soul - this is how this story ended. A little consolation for Dasha was only the fact that a month later she accidentally learned from third lips: Nelly again threw Edward. Only this fact was no longer able to change anything ... But even the psychological use by one person of another is not as immoral as a game in which the victim is involved in order to restore former happiness or cause jealousy in a chilled partner.

Situation C

Christina and Oleg seemed like a pretty strong couple. Even acquaintances were jealous of the strength of their relationship. But suddenly Oleg changed dramatically: he became aloof and absent-minded, irritated over trifles. And then he offered to live separately for a while.
Christina, as best she could, tried to get an explanation from him, but to no avail. The decision came unexpectedly: to start a "romance" with another, rumors about this would instantly fly to Oleg, well, and then love will put everything in its place - if it still remains between them. There was a suitable candidate for the role of the “other” - Vovka from the 5th apartment. This "nerd" was in love with Christina since school and was still a bachelor. The girl's plan was very successful. Moreover, it was not at all difficult to implement it. Vladimir did not suspect anything. He believed in Christina's game and was in happiness for two whole weeks, until he found out that all this time he had been just a puppet in the hands of an insidious puppeteer. Naturally, Christina and Oleg reconciled: the reason for the latter's strange behavior was an unfavorable diagnosis made by a doctor and, as a result, turned out to be erroneous. And Vladimir started drinking and turned into a recluse. How can you prevent another person from using you? How not to fall into cleverly placed networks and not end up being a fool? Firstly, don't be too gullible. At least until you get to know the person enough and check his attitude towards you. Secondly, in contacts with people, trust more reason and logic than your heart. Analyze the situation and the actions of your partner, do not read in the clouds, try to soberly assess what is happening - in this case, you have a better chance of avoiding deception. Caution - third rule... This is especially true for women. Don't be a poor lamb - become a sly fox. Calculate your steps and the possible steps of your partner. Never be the FIRST in your feelings. And in general, do not show your excessive interest in the person - this can turn against you. Fourthly, put yourself in the shoes of your partner. What would you do, how would you act in a given situation? Is the person next to you as sincere with you as he wants to show it? Fifth point- know how to end the relationship in time if it weighs on you, if it is not beneficial to you, or if in your opinion they are unpromising. Do not drag out with a gap where nothing good awaits you. Do not give another person the slightest opportunity to use you. If you are still used, you should not panic, depressed, or even worse, resort to revenge. Just take this life episode as a good lesson in order not to make similar mistakes in the future. After all, human relations are like a boomerang - what you launch into the distance will return ... Nadezhda Ponomarenko, specially for the site

Hello dear reader.

The world around us is constantly changing. Accidents, circumstances enter our life suddenly, without warning. Many people influence us in one way or another. First of all, these are close people. You cannot dismiss them. Often our desires are not taken into account by other people, because they have their own desires.

We have to do what we don't need to do. From this we lose time, strength and energy.

Under the circumstances, unfamiliar, completely unfamiliar people also influence us. In addition, we are dependent on many circumstances. Information surrounds us from all sides, creates hooks and holds in our minds. These hooks will pull in the direction they need for a long time. You just can't get rid of them, if they are hooked emotionally, you can walk all day under the impression.

Doing your own thing, and here on TV interesting news. The case is up, all attention is focused on absorbing the news. Try to return to your business later. You need to tune in, remember what you wanted to do. If you still need to distract a couple of times, you can forget about the right thing. And we need it. Our time, the attention was taken by the TV channel. He needs it, but not us.

We do not even realize that we are hanging on many hooks, we do as we are told. He thinks that we are doing the right thing, of our own free will, and we are still happy about it. Everyone needs something from us. Many people do not want to solve their problems, it is much easier to find other people. This happens all the time in any everyday situations. This is very easy to observe. It's interesting to see how people try to manipulate us. And when you understand that a person is trying to manipulate, it becomes funny. You don't have to be a psychologist, you need to be careful.

With the coincidence of circumstances, it's a little more complicated. Nothing happens to us just like that.
When something happens it doesn't happen all of a sudden. We slowly entered the problem area. Circumstances are like a constantly rotating funnel. It is worth getting to the edge, it begins to tighten to the center. You can still jump off, but once you get to the center, you will no longer. In the center of the funnel, everything unpleasant will happen. In this case, we have already become puppets, it is very difficult to break the thread that govern our behavior and consciousness. Our consciousness in this case is clouded, cannot control the situation. It can be seen only the bottom of the funnel and it is impossible to understand and cover the whole situation.

What to do?

There are three ways out of the situation.

1. Stay in the center of events and not resist, let everything be as it should be. The point is that we are aware of this and just wait for the situation to return to normal. We stop making efforts that could make the situation even worse.

An elementary example: when there is no money, we try to find money as quickly as possible. We take on dubious ways of making money. We often lose even more. You just need to wait, look at what is happening from the outside. Let the funnel out of the center.

Allow the situation to move on to a quieter channel, think it over calmly, without emotion. Surely there is an easier way out.

2. A way out of the situation at any cost. We are trying to get out of the situation on our own, spending a lot of time and energy. This is fraught with loss of physical strength, energy and health. Victory in any way can cost more than you bargained for.

3. Temporarily withdraw from the situation, look at the problem globally. Start moving without resisting, but constantly correcting the situation. This requires endurance, emotional calmness.

Each option can be used if you are aware of your actions.

Signs of seizure by circumstances:

We treat different things, situations in different ways, but we usually know how. If suddenly the words of another person, information heard inadvertently, hooked, stuck in your head, you are already on the edge of the funnel. There is one word that changes the whole subsequent life. When you start thinking constantly, you start to act. Think about it, do you need it? Who needs? Why they started to act, maybe they have already become a puppet of circumstances.

Best regards, Evgeny Shirshov.

The number 13 shouldn't confuse you. It is not the number that brings luck, but your ability to benefit from psychological advice, especially if it really works.

1. A woman in all situations must remain a woman. Unfortunately, many of us forget this. Our main disadvantage is excessive emotionality, which manifests itself when we are pissed off.

2. Become a riddle for him, an unread book that he wants to read. Do not send your loved one a teary text message if he has not made itself felt for a couple of days. You don't have to be 100% owned by your man.

3. Do not be afraid to lose your man, if you are afraid, then very soon he will play you like a puppet.

4. Don't be humiliated. Respect yourself. If the choice is between dignity and maintaining a relationship, then always choose dignity.

5. Be unavailable, disobedient. Do not immediately agree to a date, to an intimate relationship, even if at the sight of it, your heart starts pounding and your knees buckle. The less you show interest, the more he gets excited.

6. You should immediately show a man that you cannot wipe your feet, that you are not a doormat, but the dream of many men. And if he does not understand this, then let him roll in all 4 directions, because very soon he will understand that he has lost.

7. Don't be a mommy for a man. Do not overprotect him. This will not lead to anything good.

8. Do not talk to him from the first meeting about a serious relationship, it will scare any member of the opposite sex. Pretend that you do not want them as well as he, even if in your soul at these words, cats begin to scratch.

9. Exude confidence. Don't compare yourself to his other partners. This is stupid. After all, you are most likely much better than them if he left them for you. Think about it.

10. You should look feminine and gentle, like a rose from the "little prince", then your prince will want to protect and protect you like a fragile flower. And this is exactly what you need !!

11. Remember to compliment your boyfriend. Men love it. He will definitely not resist if you start whispering in his ear about how wonderful, kind, gentle and strong he is.

12. Don't forget that you always have to look 100%. If you want to find a real prince, then you have to look like a princess. You should always have a perfect manicure, a perfect figure, perfect makeup. And then no man can resist you.

13. And finally: love yourself and they will love you. If a woman loves herself and treats herself with dignity, then men will treat her accordingly.

How not to become a puppet

We continue to talk about strategies of behavior in conflict situations. Today we will talk about what you need to do to protect yourself from the manipulation of your opponent. Indeed, in our personal life and at work, we often have to deal with those who are trying to manipulate us. All and sundry - from sales consultants to superiors - are trying to force us to do what we do not need and do not want to do at all. In order not to get into a sect, not to buy an unnecessary thing, not to get involved in a useless adventure, agreeing to work more and receive less, and so on, you need to be able to defend yourself against someone else's manipulation.

First you need to understand what the manipulator wants to achieve from you. The goals can be different. For example, to find areas of your vulnerability (personal, business), to involve you in your own hidden scenario of actions, to persuade you, contrary to your interests, to certain actions and attitudes, and to do this unnoticed for you. And, of course, preserve the ability to manipulate you. And the most important thing that unites his above intentions in relation to you is complete indifference to your interests. They become just another bargaining chip on his playing field. At the same time, he usually does not consider it necessary to inform you about his own hidden interest.

It is worth being alert when an opponent takes an interest in your past experiences. It is very bad if the partner is informed about your plans. It’s even worse if he knows too much about planned but failed projects. The higher the awareness of this kind, the better he is ready to manipulate you.

A sign of an impending attack may well be an increased interest in the facts of your biography, marital status, hobbies, conversation about your passions and values. At this moment, someone may grope where your "button" ("sore corn", "Achilles' heel") is. Various conversations about the meaning of life, so attractive in a partner feast, in fact, can hide the development of plans for influencing you, taking into account the difference between your life aspirations from the existing life situation.

A persistent desire to do you a favor is a classic form of manipulation. Usually, the manipulator assumes that the cost of the service provided will increase over time and in return it will be possible to demand much more from you.

The imposition of oneself, one's environment, any new face is another sign of manipulative intentions. Thus, a person is drawn into a certain social circle, which, becoming significant, begins to influence his own behavior.

It is not enough to expose the manipulator, it is important to defend yourself correctly. There are several ways to do this.

Process analysis. Focus your attention on observing the nuances of your partner's behavior. Analyze the received data and try to predict his behavior. It is not necessary to say this: the interlocutor will still feel uncomfortable if he realizes that he has been “calculated”.

Opening. The manipulator experiences the greatest discomfort at the moment when his intentions become apparent. Therefore, the description of the move that they are trying to use when communicating with you destroys the prepared scenario.

Interception. Curiously, at the moment of manipulation, the opponent is most vulnerable in this area. Therefore, having calculated the expected move, you can use his own tactics.

Interrogation research. By using this technique, you place yourself in the position of a meticulous investigator. You ask a lot of questions that reveal the details of the other person's position. Sooner or later you will “break in” to the floor of his position where he is not ready to influence you.

It is useful to take note of the above, but here it is important not to overdo it with observations, suspicions and responses, so as not to “earn” paranoia, not to lose good acquaintances and the possibility of making new friends. It is possible to conclude that a given person is a manipulator only if he uses whole complexes of these techniques. One should not focus on the use of single techniques, since we are all unconsciously trying to manipulate each other ...