Low and high self-esteem: Quality review. Can be self-esteem too high

It's believed that heightened self-esteem- This is a sign of bad upbringing. Probably, in this statement there is a lion's share of truth, since all that we have in adulthood - all our advantages and disadvantages were laid in childhood. So what is an overestimated self-esteem, what is its disadvantages?

Evilized self-esteem

Psychologists argue that overestimated self-esteem, resembles a certain cell that isolates a person from reality and does not give it to grow. People with overwhelmed self-esteem, as a rule, live in their perfectly illusory world, in the invented reality and can face a lot of problems that are not problems with normal self-esteem, problems. Here are the most common of them:

1. Too overestimated self-esteem, which is not justified by real advantages, does a person, prevents adequate decisions and act. The feeling of superiority in such people does not give them the opportunity to make mistakes, learn to them, receive a certain life experience. Therefore, so as not to "fall as a face in dirt" such people simply refuse actions.
2. People with overpriced self-esteem are very often in a state of intrapersonal conflict. In other words, they never recognize their own mistakes, since they are convinced that people who make mistakes are far from ideal. High self-esteem by definition excludes this. Internal conflict on face, with all torments and experiences about this.
3. As a rule, no one loves people with overpriced self-esteem, as a result of the problem in communications. For personal self-esteem, always inherent arrogance and manifestation of disrespect for others.
4. The lack of personal growth is one of the main problems of people with high self-esteem. After all, the "ideal" by definition cannot have to strive for nothing, and this is, as you know, the path to nowhere, that is, the degradation of personal indicators as such.

How to identify a person with overpriced self-esteem

There is nothing easier on the first minute of conversation to recognize a person who has self-esteem "above the clouds":

• A person believes that the center of the Universe is he. Never listens to the opinions of others, puts himself above all.
• Such people often dream of occupy leaders. As a rule, only everything remains at the level of dreams.
• In the family, a person, with an overestimated self-esteem, is trying to lead, sometimes turning into a real despot or tyrant.
• Even if the facts indicate that the man is wrong, he will argue the opposite and disagreeable.
• An alien view that contradicts the opinion of a person with an overestimated self-esteem is automatically incorrect.
• Such people always express their point of view, even if no one asks them about it.
• Even structural criticism in their address causes a flurry of indignation and is not accepted.
• People with overwhelmed self-esteem are very afraid of making a mistake, they constantly live in these vice, but never confess.
• Often, such people refuse any help, even if it is very necessary for them.

Inadequately high self-esteem is very dangerous, it is capable of making a person unhappy for life. It is very important to raise adequate self-esteem in children, teach them to make actions, but, at the same time, do not forget to grow on themselves, to improve as a person.

No doubt, parents must praise the child, but praise should wear an adequate informative promise. It is necessary to praise for real deeds, for achieving, thereby stimulating the child, again do something good and self-improvement.

In the article you will learn:

How to communicate with a man with overpriced self-esteem

Doctor, I have Majuity

Yes what you can be maneuing the grandeur, a pitiful worm

Do you easily communicate with a person who is sure that he is best? After all, there are people for whom this is a fun feature. And, for example, in work or business contacts, excitement can become a serious problem. Therefore, I propose to discuss in what cases andhow to communicate with a man with overpriced self-esteem. But before that, do not forget to check with the help of the test, what self-esteem you have. You can do it.

Egomaniaki

If your interlocutor "rewarded" a big opinion about himself, know: "Thank you" need to say to his parents. Since they either have scolded their own child and wipe in vain, either intercepted and inspired his exclusivity in every possible way.

In the first case triggered hypercompensation - In order to self-defense, the victim puts self-defense mask. Second case inflatable ego It is possible when the child is the only one in the family or long-awaited.

Self-confidence

Given this, it is easy to present with what adults will these children.

As Faina Ranevskaya would say: it is very difficult to be a genius among the goat.

The most harmless manifestation: redundant self-confidence. Always in everything.

As a result, the practice shows, their natural abilities are fully implemented than people with identical potential and normal self-esteem. At the same time, women in communication will emphasize their external beauty around others, talentedness, and men brag about their own successes.

It seems to be a light side effect that you can simply not notice and communicate like everyone else. It turns out that such a profit is useful for life? But imagine such people in a professional environment. Them distorted perception of yourself I am misleading and surrounding.

The boss who believes boasting, entrust the responsible project that is not able to employee. Colleague will get a double load by correcting Narcissus errors. Partners, seeing the discrepancy between promises and a real result, think about the need for further cooperation.

After us at least a flood

Another serious catch that expects you in the process of communicating with them: As a result of excessive egoism, you will be used. Since your own interests are more important than others, even if they harm you. The feelings of others are not taken into account, such people are often calculating and emotionally cold.

And if talk With them, criticizing and questioning, then in response you will receive any attempts to humiliate you and others. It is necessary to keep your status and high opinion about yourself. Thus, take into account the following features when communicating with a man with overpriced self-esteem:

Message strategies

It is emphasized that if you adequately evaluate yourself, then the behavior of a person with an overestimated self-esteem will not affect you, but even slightly chasing. You will try not to step on the patient corn, do not provoke, do not be angry or experience other negative emotions. If you need to negotiate with such an individual or achieve some results from it, then take into account such strategies:

1. Head-subordinate. If the employee in submission "sounded" does not pay attention to criticism, does not correct mistakes,listens to only yourself, overestimate your abilities, then this is an easy option. There are all powers and power in order to put it on the "place". But without insults and rigidity.

It is necessary to be argued practical examples Reform the behavior of a negligent employee or place it on Wednesday of real professionals. It will also be possible to receive certification and test assessment.

What to be ready?

Be prepared for the fact that the wrongs will always be, you will be expected from you the best deeds, gifts and the sea. Attention. You will be demanding. To be close to such a person and communicate with him, it is necessary first of all to have an adequate self-esteem, but not overestimated. Then the return will be, not the game in the same gate.

That's it. I hope I helped you. Or maybe you also have a couple of useful recommendations? Write and invite friends.

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LOW SELF-ESTEEM

People with low self-esteem often do not have a clear image of themselves. They do not know exactly where their weak and strengths. They perceive themselves often very contradictory. They are inclined to generalize (summarize) their weaknesses, which leads to a negative self-assessment of themselves in general. Sometimes it is poured into a pronounced self-rejection right up to hate to themselves. In this case, the clinic of the depressive disorder comes to the foreground.

The desire for security becomes the lead: the main thing for such people is "not to be humiliated", and not "deserve recognition." They choose between good and bad, and the smaller of two angry.

They doubt constantly, so they are looking for support from others, trying to affect them. Doubts prevent them from achieving their goals, defend their interests. They doubt their abilities, fear failures, because they put the goals knowingly below their capabilities. They want success, but fear and waiting for failures. Anxiety and fear of failure distract them from concentration on the task and thereby contribute to failure.

In case of failure, they accuse themselves "in all sins", their self-esteem is even more declining, sometimes up to the feeling of his whole worthlessness. The result will be even greater fear of failure and the desire to avoid new negative experience.

They pay more attention to correcting errors, and not the development of their strengths.

To protect against disappointments, such people refuse ambitions and high goals. They try to protrude in life imperceptibly, while the omitous opportunity to reveal their abilities and develop their deposits.

A HIGH SELF-EVALUATION

People with high self-esteem evaluate themselves as a whole positively and are convinced that they like others. They consider important positive qualities, abilities and strengths that they possess. They are aimed in their behavior and plans mainly that they although they are achieved, and not concentrate on what may not work. Mh do not frighten the risks. Failure basically does not lead self-esteem and sense of self-satisfaction to destructive consequences. They often surprise them often, and the reasons for their such people see outside, and not in themselves, not in their weaknesses. They are inclined in such cases to switch their attention to other topics. Indications on their weaknesses often either ignore, or quickly forget about them.

Failures often cause elevated efforts and give rise to hope for future successes. Often such a strategy leads to success. However, ignoring objective difficulties and attempts still achieve the desired can lead to destructive stubbornness. Unconditional faith in their strength and success can sometimes serve poor service, manifested in insufficient preparation for the task, ignoring the remote consequences of the other act.

High self-esteem is generally good, but unstable high self-esteem can lead to the dysfoliate consequences in social terms, conflict situations In connection with the underestimation and humiliation of other people, stubbornly ignoring their mistakes in relations with other, vain, arrogant behavior and aggressiveness.

An interesting study of Twging and Campbell has shown that in general, the self-assessment of American students has increased over the past 30 years. However, it turned out that people with high self-esteem as a whole treat their social environment is no better than people with low self-esteem.

That is, high self-esteem cannot serve as the criterion of the "good" person.

Self-esteem, attention and memory

It is known that attention and memories can be very selective, providing our consciousness information that corresponds to the convictions and installations that we have developed. In other words, we remember what is already convinced.

So, people with high self-esteem tend to remember something positive, and people with low self-esteem are rather negative.

A person confident in his competence is inclined to love himself. That is, a positive assessment of your abilities is hand in hand with a positive emotional attitude towards yourself. And life also seems beautiful, since such people thanks to electoral perception receive from life mostly examples that they are competent and successful (opposite examples or ignored, or are not coming, or lose their meaning on a pink positive background).

The same who doubts their competence, who does not appreciate themselves, the selective perception of "awards" confirmations of their incompetence and the fact that they are not worthy of love and respect.

Focus of attention and self-esteem

People with high self-esteem focus more on their resources, on the strengths of their nature, their abilities - even with failures such people can appreciate their strong qualities. More often such people attribute causes of failure to external circumstances.

People with low self-esteem, on the contrary, pay more attention to their shortcomings, concentrating on the fact that they do not know how they do wrong. Particularly negatively affects the self-esteem.

If a person concentrates his attention on his strengths, it can serve him a good service, increasing his self-esteem, but, on the other hand, it may come and a serious obstacle to change (if required) its behavior.

The concentration on its weaknesses can make a person susceptible to the need for change, but can also lead to strengthening its negative self-assessment and conviction that he is not able to change anything.

"If low self-esteem is bad, then, probably, high self-esteem is what you should strive for," you think and ... will be wrong. Many psychologists came to a consensus that high self-esteem is not the same thing that a healthy self-esteem. High self-esteem has many gradations. For example, unstable and superficial high self-esteem are no different from low self-esteem. People with unstable high self-esteem compensate for their imperisibility by an obsessive trend for anyone to defend and protect their self-esteem.

High conceit is considered positive quality necessary for happy and productive life. However B. lately Psychologists began to find more and more examples that high can bring more harm, rather than use. There are many types of high self-esteem, where only some of them can be fairly attributed to positive psychological functioning. High self-esteem can take a negative color when accompanied by verbal protection, i.e. Flashing anger. This is usually due to challenging opinions, views, allegations or system of values \u200b\u200bof a person.

People with low self-esteem or fragile high self-esteem usually demonstrate verbal-defense behavior. This is partly because the owners of such self-esteem usually exaggerate the degree of potential threat compared to those who have a stable high self-esteem, so they have to make more efforts to preserve self-esteem.

On the other hand, people with a stable high self-esteem are inclined to take themselves with all flaws and disadvantages. Feeling more safely, they rarely blame others, resorting to verbal protective mechanismsAnd do not justify about past mistakes or threatening situations.

Increased definition, as a rule, testifies not to healthy psychological perception, but about uncertainty. There is nothing cramless that people want to think about themselves. But when it acquires an intrusive character, a person becomes too sensitive to criticism of others and is forced to constantly prove its significance. Such self-esteem, rather unstable, rather than stable and deprives a person of all his psychological advantages.

To become successful (no matter where it is), you need to have confidence in your own opportunities. A person with understated self-esteem is extremely difficult to succeed and even just become happy: their whole life is built on doubts, disappointments and companies in itself. And at this time, bright moments fly by, stopping before those who are confident in their capabilities. Today we are thinking about how to increase self-esteem and love yourself with the help of simple and effective techniques.

This understanding by a person's understanding of his own personality and individuality in the context of relationships with other people, as well as assessing its qualities, pros and cons. Self-esteem playing higher role In normal operation of a person in society and solving different everyday tasks: implementation, family, finance and spirituality.

This quality performs the following functions:

• protection - ensuring the stability and relative autonomy of a person from other people's opinions;
• regulation - Provides people to make a personal choice;
• development - providing an incentive to self-improvement.

Ideally, self-esteem is based only on a person's own opinion about himself. However B. real life Multiple side factors affect it, for example, assessing others: parents, peers, buddies, friends and colleagues.

Adequate self-esteem (or ideal), specialists call the most accurate estimation of the personality of their skills and abilities. Low self-esteem often leads to excessive doubts, self-analysis and abandonment of activities. Heated caution loss and making multiple errors.

It's important to know! IN psychological practice It is more often found precisely low self-esteem when a person is unable to reveal his own potential, and in particularly severe cases, experts say about the complex of inferiority.

What does self-esteem affect?

So, the meaning of adequate self-perception is to "love" himself hereby - even with minuses, disadvantages and various "vices". Eases are flaped, but confident man From others, it is distinguished by the fact that he, above all, notices his progress and is capable of favorably to present himself to society.

If you hate yourself or just consider yourself a loser, as another person can love you? Psychologists celebrate a curious fact: most people subconsciously (a, maybe with knowledge of the case) with self-sufficient personality. Usually, these prefer to choose in business partners, in buddies and spouses.

Symptoms of low self-esteem

People with such problems are most often distinguished by such character traits like:

The understated self-examination causes a person to perceive temporary failures and problems as permanent "satellites of life", which leads to incorrect conclusions and incorrect solutions. Do you feel bad? Get ready for the fact that the surrounding will negatively respond to you. And this is already fraught with alienation, depressive sentiments and even emotional disorders.

4 reasons for low self-esteem

It is extremely difficult to indicate all the factors affecting the attitude of the person to themselves. Psychologists include congenital features, appearance and position in society. Next, we consider the four most common causes of low self-esteem in humans.

Cause No. 1.

Have you heard the phrase that says that every problem "grows" from childhood? In our situation, it is suitable for a hundred percent. IN early age The direct dependence of the child's self-esteem is traced from the attitude towards parents and other significant adults. If the mother and Father are constantly scolding and compares children with peers, they will not have faith in their own abilities.

Psychological science claims that it is the family - the center of the universe for a child. In the cell of society, absolutely all traits of the nature of the future adult person are formed. Initiativeness, uncertainty, passivity - the consequences of parental installations.

Cause number 2. Children's failures

We all face failure, the most important thing is our reaction to them. Psychological trauma In childhood, it can cause low self-esteem. For example, a child begins to blame himself in divorce mother with his father or family scandals. The constant feeling of guilt turns into uncertainty and unwillingness to make decisions.

In addition, children acutely react to any harmless failure. Took second place in the competition? A older man just doubles efforts to achieve the goal, and a small man may generally abandon activities, especially if a significant adult injured him by a mockery or careless remark.

Cause number 3. "Unhealthy" environment

Adequate self-esteem and the claim arise only in the environment where the success is valued and achieving results.

If people from the nearest environment do not seek to the initiative, it is difficult to expect confidence from a separate personality.

We do not argue that it is necessary to completely refuse to communicate with such people (especially if these are close relatives). However, it costs at least, to think about whether you have seized such an empty relationship to self-realization.

Cause number 4. Features of appearance and health

Quite often, low self-perception appears in children and adolescents with non-standard appearance or innate diseases. Yes, relatives relate to their "non-standard" child correctly, but he is not insured from the opinion of peers, which, unfortunately, ruthless, like all children.

Comable example - thick children, which are in preschool and school institutions become owners of the most unpleasant and offensive nicknames. Low self-esteem will not wait long to wait in such situations.

How to improve self-esteem: effective methods

If a person realized his problems and decided to raise self-esteem, he had already done the first step towards confidence. We offer some of the most efficient and effective recommendations.

1. Change of environment. Negative people are not the best society for a doubtful personality.
   Psychologists advise reconsider their own circle of communication, including successful, self-confident, positively to you related individuals. Gradually, confidence and self-esteem will be returned to the person.
2. Refusal of self-vacation. It is extremely difficult to increase self-esteem, regularly piercing itself, negatively spoke in its address about its own abilities. Specialists recommend avoiding negative assessments regarding their appearance, personal life, career, financial position.
   In priority - positive judgments.
3. Avoid comparison. You are the only one person in the world: unique, unique, connecting the dignity and disadvantages. In addition, it is enough to just find people who have achieved much greater success in any field of activity. Possible variant - Comparison of yourself (with new achievements) with the former, unwilling changes.
4. Listening to affirmations. This is a difficult word means short verbal formulas in the psychological literature, creating a positive attitude in the human subconscious.
   Affirmation should be formulated in the present time so that the personality perceives it as a given. For example: "I am a beautiful and smart woman," I own my own life. " It is better to repeat similar phrases in the morning and before bedtime, and you can also write them to the voice recorder.
5. Making unusual deeds. The desire of a man or woman to escape into the zone of personal comfort and "hide in the shell" is quite natural.
   It is easier for us in a difficult situation to console yourself, your favorite (beloved) goodies, alcohol, tears. We do not call on extreme, just try to meet the problem face to face.
6. A visit to the training. IN major cities Trainings, courses and seminars are regularly held, helping to improve confidence and lift self-esteem. Of course, it is necessary to find a real expert on psychology, and not "Konovalov", which, unfortunately, is also enough. Another option is reading psychological literature and watching artistic and documentaries on the topic.
7. Sports. One of the most accessible opportunities to raise self-esteem is sports. Regular physical education exercises make a person less critical to relate to their own appearance and with great respect for themselves. During sports exercises, people are distinguished by dopamines - the so-called joy hormones.
8. Diary of achievements. And the girl, and the young man help their own success, in which the marks should be made about every little victory, achieve, even if small. For example, every day 3-5 "trifles" are recorded in such a notebook: transferred grandmother across the road, we learned 10 new foreign words, earned 500 rubles this month more than in the past.

Improving self-esteem is closely associated with a sense of guilt in front of himself and self-conformity. How to love yourself and increase self-esteem man and woman? Very simple and, at the same time, it is difficult - be kinder and tolerant to your own personality. The given techniques will help you with this.

Adequate self-esteem and self-confidence is not fantasy, but a completely likely development of events. The most important thing for a person is to understand the importance of changes and have a desire to go in the right direction: a change in personal life, career, appearance. Remember that love for yourself in some situations need to be earned, passing through dissatisfaction and self-esteem.

Hello, I am the hope of carpenter. I successfully studied in SUURSU at a special psychologist, several years have dedicated to working with children with problems in the development and consultation of parents on the upbringing of kids. The experience gained, including, in the creation of articles of psychological orientation. Of course, in no case I pretend to be the truth in the last instance, but I hope that my articles will help respected readers to deal with any difficulties.