How to let go of the past, or how to let go of a situation. What does it mean to "let go of the situation"

What prevents a person from living in the present and enjoying life? Looping over a situation that happened in the past. Why does someone steadily go forward, to all the difficulties, betrayals, obstacles, pain that are associated with some life problems, while others diligently cling to the negative, even the one that should have long been left in the past, not wanting to let go of the situation?

You can and should let go of the past if your true desire is to live happily in peace.

Let's try to figure out how you can still let go of the past? Perhaps someone will want to object and say that you cannot let go of the past, in which there was so much joy and happiness: this is too valuable an acquisition. Here is the answer: the article is intended for those who cannot figure out how to let go of themselves negative experience of the past: problems, conflicts, misunderstandings.

Try to answer the question to yourself: "What situation are you fixated on?" Take it apart piece by piece. For example, because of your arrogance and pride, you broke off a relationship with someone you love.
Try to point out what exactly will keep you from letting go of the situation? Perhaps this is an understatement, if you did not put an end to the relationship. Concealed anger or resentment. It doesn't matter whether you broke up with a person a year ago or just yesterday - if you think about it and it haunts you, then it is important today. That is, you are living with the events of the past.
What can you do right now in order to let go of the situation and start living happily? Think about whether you have the opportunity in any way to contact a person, send him a letter, call, meet and say something important? Every chance must be taken! Do what is important to you right now, urgently.
Is it possible to let go of the situation if this requires your immediate and quick intervention in the process? The point here is that, for example, once you could not do what was necessary to do, for whatever reason: you could not, did not want to, were scared, did not dare. It will be possible to let go of this situation only if you complete what you did not do.

Step 1. Take a break!

How to let go of the situation? First of all, stop thinking about her at least for a while. The longer you "change your mind" about the problem, remember the details of the conflict, the more you will be sucked in by the swamp of anger and pity for yourself and others. This can only aggravate the matter, but will not correct the situation in any way. After all, if we need to let go of the situation, as we do: we go straight to the offender and give him back, which, in turn, further exacerbates the consequences. Then, with a fresh mind, we understand what we have done, regret what we have done and dream of inventing a time machine and turning back time. But, unfortunately, this is impossible.

Therefore, in order to let go of the situation in relations with a man, mom, girlfriend, colleagues and other people, and then not regret its aggravation in a fit of rage, distract yourself from the problem.

You should find something to do that distracts you for a while. How to let go of the situation? Deal with the backlog of work or study, do household chores, watch an interesting movie, walk down the street and get some fresh air, clearing your thoughts. After all, you can even surf the internet, which knows how to grab attention. Chat with someone who doesn't know what happened and can cheer you up and make you laugh.

How do you learn to let go of the situation? Stop focusing on negative emotions and forget the unpleasant episode, at least for a while.

After you have already at least a little abstracted from the problem, mentally replay it in your head. Remember, the more details you remember, the better. But in doing this, be not a participant in the situation, but an outside observer. Notice the emotions that arose during the conflict, the words that you spoke, the movements that you made. Try to understand what was motivated by your interlocutor, responding to your actions. Maybe he is now having problems with his personal life, with his career, with his parents, and you have become a trigger for the release of negativity? Or are there some other important reasons for his reactions? The interlocutor is also a person, he is just like you, he is tired, he may experience anxiety or pain.

How to let go of the relationship? Try it in the place of your opponent. Perhaps it is just as hard for him now, and he, too, would like this situation not to happen at all.

Step 3. Ask for forgiveness

Psychology advises to ask your opponent for forgiveness. When the level of negativity towards him drops noticeably, imagine him as vividly as if he is now standing in front of you. Ask him for forgiveness.

It makes no difference who was to blame for the conflict - he or you. Just mentally apologize to him, ask for forgiveness for the current situation, tell him that you forgive him, that you are not angry and do not hold grudges and that everything is fine.

This method, no matter how silly it may seem at first, really helps to restore relations after the conflict, as well as come to understanding and get rid of unpleasant sensations. You are familiar with them: anger, resentment, irritation, pain. You should sincerely ask the offender for forgiveness and forgive him.

If you have any difficulties, then try again later. And the next day too. Until you have a feeling of freedom and lightness! Believe me, this is an amazing, pleasant and comfortable state.

Exercise "Letter without an addressee"

If you find it difficult to imagine, try to express your thoughts and emotions in a letter. possesses the technique of therapeutic writing. It helps a person to understand himself, and also to write on paper everything that haunts him.

What are the objectives of this technique? To get out from the inside everything that prevents the patient from living, does not allow him to feel joy and be happy. The essence of the technique is that a person independently works with his subconscious. Its advantage is that it is quite simple to perform and makes it possible to fully take out emotions without offending anyone.

Take a piece of paper, a writing tool and start writing a letter to a specific person. Write down what you would like to tell him. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, write as it is, hiding nothing and hiding nothing. There is no need to send such a letter, therefore, after finishing work on it, you can tear it up, throw it away or completely burn it, hiding your thoughts from prying eyes.

Step 4. Smile

It's time for the most enjoyable!

Smile! And not taut, but so as to feel a smile with every cell of your body. Imagine and then feel how warmth, joy and calmness spread throughout the body. How joyful, easy and pleasant it becomes for you. Feel how all the troubles, troubles and resentments have faded into the background, making room for an unlimited feeling of love, so joyful, beautiful and light that you no longer need to smile with an effort of will, as a smile blooms on your lips without your participation.

Stay in this state for at least a couple of minutes, enjoy the light and warmth that has enveloped you. Forget about all the problems at least for this period of time and just live it - here and now.

Are you feeling better already?

Step 5. Warm up

If you were sitting, stand up. Walk around the room, stretch your muscles. Stretch with pleasure. Feeling free from negative emotions? This is what it means to let go of the situation. Finding freedom, calmness and inspiration for new achievements is worth forgetting about the problem, especially if it is no longer possible to fix it.

How to let go of the situation?

If you have done all of the above with full dedication, you can be sure of success: you will no longer be bothered by the negative emotions that were associated with the problem. You will be able to fully focus on your business without being distracted by unnecessary and unpleasant memories.

But this is what needed to be done: to let go of the situation, the person and all the negativity associated with it.

Let go of yourself

How to let go of the situation? Let yourself go first. What does this mean?

Allow yourself to become happy man... Want it.
Leave your failures and failures in the past: forgive yourself for them.
Be able to forgive yourself for the long-standing mistakes that you once made, because today they do not matter to anyone except yourself.
Find words of gratitude for your mistakes and actions you have made in the past. Today, you have what it takes to let go of negative and unnecessary thoughts, actions, and beliefs. Just make up your mind and you will succeed!

Remember that it is never too late to let go of past troubles from your life, let them remain in the past! Give yourself permission to become a truly happy person.

You have been trying to figure out the problem for a long time. In vain, look for a way out of a difficult situation, try to make at least some kind of decision. If you share this with your friend, what is the most likely answer? The most common advice in this case is just let go! But what does this mean? How to let go of the situation and not think about it if you can't stop doing just that for months? It is not so easy as it might seem from the outside.

What situations in question? For example, you have been without a relationship for a long time, and you cannot find yourself a partner in any way. Or vice versa, you broke up, but you just can't leave the relationship in the past. Can't find Good work... Restore a good relationship after a quarrel, although they tried to do it many times. In general, any situation that lasts long enough makes you feel tired of it, does not allow you to sleep at night. But it cannot be resolved.

Why is this happening?

How do such situations arise? It is clear after all that if you do not sleep at night, constantly think about what happened, the advice to “let go” does not make sense. This means that the problem is of such great importance to you that you cannot simply stop thinking about it.

First of all, you need to deal with the meaning that it contains for you. And to lower the significance of this meaning, or even to neutralize it. Then a solution to the issue will surely be found.

You get stuck on one or more levels. At the level of thinking about the situation, looking for a solution. At the level of feelings that you have experienced or are worried about this. And on a subconscious level. That is, at the level of those feelings that you forbid yourself to realize and live, for a number of reasons. You deny them, drive them into the depths of your subconscious.

But they don't disappear anywhere. This is how it works human psyche... They affect you - your mood, your decisions and actions. Remaining, let me remind you, out of the "line of sight". A huge number of people do this with resentment, anger, aggression. They learn, not live them.

As a result, you think you have forgiven the person who betrayed you. But in fact, the resentment continues to gnaw you from the inside. You fall back on thoughts of the traitor over and over again, not understanding why this is happening. Because you are still offended. Because, in order to fully forgive and move on, you need to go through this resentment.

And you may have a lot of such pitfalls lying at the very bottom. Some of them have been living in you for a very long time, from early childhood. Someone is offended by their mother, disliked. Someone has not experienced and cannot in any way survive the loss, the death of a loved one.

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If you think that this has nothing to do with what is happening in your life today, you are mistaken. Affects, and the mechanism of this influence is described just above. Dealing with such ancient problems is difficult, and you need to be able to find them. If you feel that you cannot figure it out in any way - find good psychologist, he possesses the knowledge and techniques for dealing with problems of this kind.

What prevents us from letting go of the situation?

You have recognized the root of the problem. And they even figured out how to act to resolve it. But nothing happens anyway. How so? Very simple. In addition to the reasons that trigger the mechanisms of looping in a situation (or a person, or a feeling), which are described above, there are other reasons that keep you in this state for a long time. No matter how uncomfortable you are. Let's talk a little about them.

Fears

And nevertheless, it was still not possible to let go of the situation (otherwise why are you reading all this?). Then what is the point of talking about a pain reliever pill when amputation is required?

Act in reverse

Try the reverse technique. For example, you cannot forget your loved one and you suffer a lot about this. I suggest that you, in all seriousness, suffer as you should. You can't live without him, right?

Take a vacation at your own expense. I think three days will be enough. Lock up at home, turn off your phone, turn off the Internet, cut off all connections with outside world... No TV or music. Focus on suffering. Cry, roll on the floor, pull your hair, feel sorry for yourself. In general, kill yourself properly.

Break only for sleep. You don't even have to eat. You cannot be distracted by anything, only tears and sorrow. But without external stimuli. No joint photos, "your songs" - just you and your head.

See how long you last. How soon you want to spit and run to your girlfriend. Or watch a TV series. Or ... well, it doesn't matter. I'm not kidding or kidding. Any loss is a blow to the psyche, and it is accompanied by heartache and related experiences. But not three years? ..

Consider this technique as an allegory. That is, do not take it literally. And just make a conclusion. What will this behavior tell you (well, if you do it all seriously)? It will show you that you are overestimating the significance of the situation. That you have other needs, and some, such as the need for food, are much less illusory than the desire to be with the person who cheated you two years ago.

In a nutshell, if you want to stop cheating yourself and let go of a certain situation that has been tormenting you for a long time, you need to do the following. Find and understand the reasons why you cannot let go of this situation. And downgrade its meaning to you. Then the release process will start by itself. He, in principle, and so goes complete move, but the moments described above simply slow it down a lot. Deal with them - and everything will work out.

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Have you ever found yourself in a situation when a "wise" acquaintance, in response to your emotional speech, told you: "Let go of the situation and everything will work out ... you should not keep everything under control ..."? Probably many have heard this phrase at least once, but few understand what this omnipotent “let go of the situation” means and how it looks in practice.

Freedom or a sign of weakness? ...

To understand how to let go of the situation, you must first understand what it is for and why you should not try to control it.

- There is always an option to fight or to leave everything in the hands of fate. But does this mean that by letting go of the situation, we give up, give up what we want?

- Not at all!

We simply move "from the stage to the auditorium", where we will be able to live through the situation more comfortably and painlessly.

It is by moving away from the details (emotions) that we gain the opportunity to look at the whole picture, to notice the right opportunity that has turned up - the necessary turn of fate that will lead to happiness.

It's not about the momentary joy of achieving a small goal, when the mind and titanic efforts managed to drive everything into the usual or desired framework, but about the state of "full-fledged long-term happiness."

Observation is not meaningless, it implies our participation and actions, but not "chaotic exhaustion", but correct from the point of view of the Universe.

Why let go of the situation?

Being inside the situation, we are immersed in a desire to change something, rearrange, forge, dispute, criticize or abandon immediately as unacceptable. This happens due to the fact that we initially set a certain format of what we want, try to keep it under control, and all the "puzzles of circumstances" that are not included in this framework cause irritation. But these "unacceptable" disgusting circumstances are nothing more than the idea of the Universe.

We all want True Love and True Happiness, but we refuse the path along which the Perfect Universe, in its essence, leads us.

It turns out that dissatisfaction with the circumstances is a rejection of the Universal laws and dissatisfaction with the Higher Forces (everyone is free to mean by this the Universe, God, the Absolute, etc. according to their convictions). Anyone who is initially considered uninteresting, stupid and useless will treat you in about the same way, so why should Higher Powers ultimately lead to Happiness if there is no trust?

Letting go of the situation, not to be confused with inertia and lack of initiative, a person gets the opportunity to go through the door (or at least through the window, as the most persistent and stubborn), and not bang his head against the wall. Of course, an inner voice will demand to keep the situation under control and not let go, but it is worth taking the risk and it turns out that the world has not only not collapsed, but there may have been changes for the better.

What is the limit of experiences and anxieties?

Of course, you can immerse yourself in emotions. We do not test them in vain. And each of our experiences - a litmus test in the chemistry of life - draws attention to weak points, giving us the opportunity to work on ourselves. But lingering negative emotions can knock you out of balance so much that depression sets in.

The time to let go of the situation has come when:

Thoughts revolve around a certain point, causing negative emotions

There is no more strength, but there is an obsessive need to do something

The general condition is restless and interferes with living and enjoying life

This means your inner "susanin" -mind has brought you into the "swampy forest" and is not going to help you get out. It is precisely such cases that require you to immediately let go of the situation and stop keeping everything under your control.

How to let go of the situation

1. We switch to let go of the situation.

One of the most difficult stages is letting go of the situation when it has grown together with you. It is imperative to find something to do that will take "Susanin" in another matter, so as not to go even further into the forest. This can be anything from shopping and movie theaters to cleaning the house and washing the windows. A distracting maneuver is obliged to distract, so that during it "thinking" is strictly prohibited.

If you still can't let go of the situation, then you can begin to pronounce mentally every action that you perform in this moment... Concentrate on what is happening around: mentally describe the details, consider everything that can be counted (you can count breathing), taste and analyze your feelings, etc.

2. Determine how this frustration relates to your “global” ultimate goal.

If you went through the first step relatively well, then some freshness of brain activity is assured. Now let's take a look from the outside at the situation that you want to keep under control.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where a friend, “wise” by experience (or statuses from “VK”), in response to your emotional speech, told you: “Let the situation go and everything will work out ... you shouldn't keep everything under control…”? Probably many have heard this phrase at least once, but few understand what this omnipotent “let go of the situation” means and how it looks in practice.

Freedom or a sign of weakness? ...

To understand how to let go of the situation, you must first understand what it is for and why you should not try to control it.

- There is always an option to fight or to leave everything in the hands of fate. But does this mean that by letting go of the situation, we give up, give up what we want?
- Not at all!

We simply move “from the stage to the auditorium”, where we will be able to live the situation more comfortably and painlessly. It is by moving away from the details (emotions) that we gain the opportunity to look at the whole picture, to notice the right opportunity that has turned up - the right turn of fate that will lead to happiness. It's not about the momentary joy of achieving a small goal, when the mind and titanic efforts managed to drive everything into the usual or desired framework, but about the state of "full-fledged long-term happiness." Observation is not meaningless, it implies our participation and actions, but not "chaotic exhaustion", but correct from the point of view of the Universe.

Why let go of the situation?

When we are in a situation, we are immersed in a desire to change something, rearrange, forge, dispute, criticize or reject right away as unacceptable. This happens due to the fact that we initially set a certain format of what we want, try to keep it under control, and all the "puzzles of circumstances" that are not included in this framework cause irritation. But these "unacceptable" disgusting circumstances are nothing more than the idea of the Universe. We all want True Love and True Happiness, but we refuse the path that the inherently Perfect Universe leads us to this.

What is the limit of experiences and anxieties?

The time to let go of the situation has come when:

thoughts revolve around a certain point, causing negative emotions
there is no more strength, but there is an obsessive need to do something
general condition is restless and interferes with living and enjoying life

How to let go of the situation

1. We switch to let go of the situation.

If you still can't let go of the situation, then you can begin to mentally pronounce every action that you are performing at the moment. Concentrate on what is happening around: mentally describe the details, consider everything that can be counted (you can count breathing), taste and analyze your feelings, etc.

2. Determine how this frustration relates to your “global” ultimate goal.

If you went through the first step relatively well, then some freshness of brain activity is assured. Now let's take a look from the outside at the situation that you want to keep under control.

Questions to yourself are something like this:

⇒ What do I want from life in general and what does my happiness “look like”?

⇒ what is the connection between my happiness and this life episode?

⇒ Have I done everything I could in this situation?

Analyzing and considering the situation, but not diving in. It is necessary to “look” not at oneself in these circumstances, but at the essence of what is happening, what has happened or, on the contrary, has not happened. Most likely, it turns out that there is not such a strong relationship between happiness and an incident, and this is nothing more than a step, and far from the last chance.

3. Declare our willingness to let go of the situation.

“I did everything I could, and I trust myself and my future to the Universe. I let go of the situation and accept all the unexpected and unknown with gratitude. I trust my soul - it wants only the best for me! I let go of the situation with Vera in the desired or better result! "

The ability to pull back and not be in control is tied to the strength of your Faith. If the Faith in the Higher Forces is strong, it will not be difficult to let go of the situation. You need to repeat as much as necessary to consolidate the result.

A person who is trying to figure out how to distract himself from the constant thoughts of a problem must realize that it does not matter how old it is or how large-scale it is. If the situation is troubling and does not leave you alone, therefore, it makes sense.

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Anyone who lives with memories, does not let go of past relationships, betrayal, old resentment, will not be able to find new friends, find harmony with loved ones and open his heart to meet with his soul mate.

How to be in a difficult situation

To start anew living a fulfilling life and let go of oppressive feelings, you must:

1. Analyze the problem. Reflect on what exactly it is causing emotions and what will change if you release it. Find options on how to move on without your burdens and what will help make your life even better.
2. Write about the situation on a piece of paper and destroy it. This effective method free yourself from your negative thoughts and sort out the situation for yourself. It is enough to write out all your aggravating feelings or write a letter to a specific person, and then make an airplane out of it and release it or simply burn it.
3. Learn to value and value your own life. In order to get rid of problem situation, you need to occupy yourself and be distracted. Life goes by very quickly, so you should not waste your time on sadness and despondency. It has a lot of interesting things: you can start learning new language, find yourself an exciting hobby, make new friends, go on a journey, do self-improvement and get better. If a girl does not manage to have a child for a long time, it is necessary to switch to some interesting hobby and let go of the situation so as not to think about pregnancy.

It is important to learn to give love and attention to others. Family members, friends, colleagues will be happy to feel support and help. Giving others care, warmth and love, a person not only gets distracted from his problems, but also develops independence, self-esteem and receives great joy.

How to forgive an insult and let go

How to let go of a loved one

Learning to let go means stopping holding a person in his thoughts, controlling him and owning his emotions so that they do not depend on his actions.

The main cause of negative reactions is the perception of the situation, not the problem itself or the person. Therefore, it is important to learn how to clear your mind and be able to relax.

To let go of the problem in a relationship with a man, psychologists recommend:

1. Realize that despite our expectations, a person will act according to his understanding and desire. He is not responsible for a woman's anger, discouragement, frustration, and depression. You cannot make a person feel the desired feelings. You can endure everything if you put yourself in the shoes of a man and try to understand the motives of his behavior.
2. Understand that a person's reaction to a problem has several options, and everyone chooses what emotion to experience. There is a difference between the fact that we were offended, insulted and the fact that we were offended and offended.
3. Don't try to deal with feelings. Any wound, including a mental one, takes time to heal. If emotions do not interfere with work and household chores, then you can choose the time and then allow yourself to throw everything out and cry.
4. Do not harass yourself, forcing to throw a person out of the heart. Until a certain period of time has passed, the process of “loss” has not been completed, it is pointless to struggle with feelings. You can allow yourself to mentally stay with your beloved a little longer.
5. To understand for whom there is more love: yourself or a man. If a woman loves a man more, then she can suffer for him until the end of her life. If she loves herself, she will indulge herself in pleasant little things and find interesting hobbies. Confident and won't allow a man's reaction to affect her inner world taking away the joy.
6. Simulate a conversation. When it is very difficult to part with the past, you can imagine the person who hurt you next to you and tell him about your experiences and why it is now difficult to forget everything. At the end of the conversation, you must definitely ask him for forgiveness, even if only one side is to blame, and wish him a happy future life.
7. Forgive, thank and dream. It is easier to relate to the situation, you can find peace of mind and forgive a person with the help of prayer. God is able to give incredibly powerful strength to help you cope with adversity. Omitting your beloved, it is important to forgive him and find moments for which you can say "Thank you."

One of the popular ways to say goodbye to the past is reality transurfing. This is a course of study based on the following principles:

live as the soul desires;
not succumb to those who impose other people's goals;
not to fight with everyone, but to use correctly what life has to offer;
not to be afraid, not to doubt, but to act;
instead of overly worrying, you need to find the purpose for which this person is needed.

The simplest truth is that nothing is eternal on earth. The appearance and departure of people are natural and inevitable processes. Looking at separation from this side, it will be much easier to forget the person. Better to accept the breakup and thank the man for the life lesson. And if this is your person, then he will not disappear for a long time.