Fear of difficulties. Overcome fear in a new job

Here are some examples:

• You are reading this article right now and most likely avoiding something that you do not want to think about.
• We constantly check alerts social networks, news and mail, so as not to do something difficult or unpleasant.
• We don’t pay taxes for a long time, we don’t reply to long messages, we postpone cleaning because we don’t want to do it.

Thousands of such examples can be cited when ours, imperceptibly for us, switches to something else, so as not to think about the unpleasant. Check it out for yourself: stop for a minute and try to figure out what thoughts you are currently avoiding. You will either notice a problem, or your brain will quickly switch to another subject.

This exercise is part of Leo Babauta's acceptance method. But first, let's figure out why, when we avoid a problem, we only harm ourselves.

Understand that avoiding difficulties is useless.

We always subconsciously want to escape from discomfort, pain and difficulties. And our brain has learned to do this, because this is how we forget about problems. But at the same time, we have to run away from difficulties all our lives and be distracted, just so as not to deal with difficulties.

This means that we let fear and anxiety rule us. We become like small child who does not want to work, but only wants to get a new toy.

As a result, we do not deal with important matters or put them off for the most last moment, and then we work in a state of stress. The same fate befalls sports, finances, relationships, and other aspects of our lives.

In the end, we still have to deal with these problems, but by that time they usually grow to universal proportions.

Accept the difficulties

According to Leo Babauta's acceptance methodology, it's best to be fully aware of the problems you have, not to avoid them, but to solve them. Once you start doing this, you will understand that these problems are not so terrible.

1. First ask yourself, "What am I doing now?" Set a few reminders throughout the day, or leave yourself notes so you don't forget what you're doing.

Answers can be completely unremarkable, for example: "I'm on Facebook", "Opening a new tab in the browser" or "Em". The main thing is to accustom yourself to awareness.

2. Then ask yourself the following question: "What am I avoiding?" When faced with something difficult or unpleasant, we automatically switch to something else. We avoid these thoughts or deeds without noticing it ourselves.

Therefore, try to understand what you are avoiding: it may be fear, some difficult task, an unpleasant emotion, discomfort, or just being in the present moment. Know what you are avoiding.

3. Accept this feeling, whatever it may be. Think not about your attitude towards him, but about the physical sensation itself. Most likely, you will notice that it is not that scary. Try to be with this sensation for a while.

4. Take action. When you accept your problem and understand that it is not as scary as you first thought, you can act like an adult, not like a child: you will decide how to cope with this problem.

For example, if you are afraid of something, remind yourself that it will benefit you and those around you, that it is much more important than that fear. If you are angry with someone and avoid a tough conversation because of it, try to understand that anger and are just emotions. This will make it easier for you to calmly discuss your problems with the person and find some kind of solution.

Of course, this technique will not save you all the problems. But it will help you deal with the discomfort, not avoid it, as most do. You will procrastinate less and learn to live in the moment. Naturally, this will not happen overnight. It will take you a while for this to become a habit.

Meeting difficulties often frighten us, but overcoming them allows us to more fully reveal everything that we are capable of, and lead the most intense life. Here are some tips.

Start with a mindset. A person's ability to push themselves outside their comfort zone depends entirely on whether they believe they can get things done. In Flexible Mind, psychologist Carol Dweck writes about how important our way of thinking is. It depends on him whether we succeed or not. A static way of thinking makes us think of our abilities as unchanged. At the same time, when faced with difficulties, we easily give up. If we change our mindset to flexible and dynamic, then we have faith in our abilities and we begin to treat difficulties as an opportunity to prove ourselves. We calmly accept failures and see them as part of the process of learning new things. This attitude allows us to try until we succeed. Develop dynamic thinking. Translate your thoughts like “I can’t” into a confident “I can!”.

Listen to your inner voice. When faced with a difficult task, you may feel excitement, but it should not shackle you. The simplest way to achieve this - to listen to the inner voice. Fear of another challenge must be combined with interest and willingness to overcome it. If you are completely calm, then sometimes this may indicate that you do not fully understand the situation. If the meeting with a difficult task scares you to stomach cramps, then you swung at something that is not yet available to you.

Solve difficult tasks piece by piece. You shouldn't strive for quick success. If you’re not used to leaving your comfort zone, you don’t have to try, for example, to start a business right away or go skydiving. Act gradually. Instead of skydiving from a great height, try parachuting behind the boat first. Feelings of risk are slightly less, but overall you are moving in the direction of your big goal.

Understand the boundaries of your comfort zone. According to Marcus Taylor, creator of the comfort zone calculator, there are three main criteria for determining and expanding it, associated with various areas of human life and activity: adrenalin(for example, skydiving), professional activity (for example, starting a business) and life style(for example, starting a family). Each of them has their own comfort zones in these three areas. Their assessment is carried out by means of an interactive questionnaire. Measuring your comfort zone will help you expand your comfort zone and make life more interesting. Using (Part III), try to define it and outline the steps to expand it to your benefit.

Look for new opportunities for yourself every day. You don't have to turn to something extreme to set yourself new goals and objectives. Take a close look at the different aspects of your life and think about how you could change them to move forward. For example, if you have run five kilometers three times a week in the past three years, set a goal to increase your distance or frequency. And if you have been doing the same job for several years and you are bored with it, talk to management about a new job at the company.

Try to find a group of friends with similar requests to yours. Look for dynamic people who value opportunities for self-development and are satisfied with new challenges. Most likely, they will support and help you in your endeavors. But people who most often say “no” and are pessimistic will hold you back in search of something new and prevent you from self-development.

Only physical exercise sustains our spirit and gives strength to our mind.

Mark Tullius Cicero

Before the beginning of the 20th century most of the people were very physically active. Everyone walked a lot, used physical force in their work and counted on it as a source of food. Now physical activity has decreased thanks to technological advances. We began to lead a predominantly sedentary lifestyle, using treadmills and dumbbells to provide the minimum physical activity that our ancestors had in abundance.

Of course, we all know that exercise is necessary and beneficial for health: it stabilizes weight, burns fat, strengthens the heart, lungs and blood vessels, and helps oxygenate the blood. Physical activity is also beneficial for mental health. Research shows that regular exercise and exercise can improve mood, reduce anxiety and depression, help cope with stress, and even improve memory.

During jogging, the production of endorphins is activated in the brain. They belong to a group of neurotransmitters that raise mood, improve mental performance and create a sense of life satisfaction. If you prefer other types of physical education, then you are in luck here too: it has been established that the synthesis of endorphins is activated with any physical activity. At the same time, these loads reduce the blood levels of cortisol and adrenaline, which are called "stress hormones". As a result, we are more easily distracted from worries and stress. Everyday life... We calm down and think clearly. Improving our appearance also directly affects self-confidence, makes us feel happy and reduces the acuteness of our experiences.

Physical activity has a positive effect on our intelligence. Aerobic exercise helps to activate the flow of oxygen to the brain cells. This stimulates his work, improves memory and the ability to concentrate. Experiments conducted in 2007 by Scott Small of National Academy Sciences of the United States, it was found that following a three-month intensive program of physical training (four times a week, one to two hours a day, exercise on a treadmill and an exercise bike), its participants increased the formation of new neurons in the hippocampus - the brain region responsible for for memory. Tests showed that the participants' memory improved. In other studies, scientists have found that children who exercise for at least 15 minutes a day improved their concentration, memory, and behavior during lessons more than children who had an extra lesson instead of physical education. The activation of the mental functions of the brain under the influence of physical education is also characteristic of adults. Older participants who took 45-minute walks at least three times a week performed better on psychological tests than those who did stretching alone.

Well-planned physical activity improves sleep. Research conducted in 2010 by a professor at the Faculty of Neurobiology and Psychology Northwestern University Catherine Reid, showed that participants with a largely sedentary lifestyle, complaining of poor sleep and completing a four-month training program, had normal sleep. They showed a decrease in depressive conditions and daytime sleepiness, as well as an increase in vital activity.

The third season of the Psychology Takeaway program concludes with an issue dedicated to the ability to cope with difficult situations and the development of resilience.

After watching the program, you will find out:

about the main mistake people make in the perception of difficulties;

how to deal with attacks of self-destruction and stop feeding harmful "brain slugs";

three main mistakes of thinking, which lead to a panic feeling "boss, everything is gone!";

how to develop the habit of “letting go” of annoying mistakes and forgiving yourself, and not endlessly replaying what happened in your head, over and over again imagining how you could have done differently;

what to do with excessive anxiety about any, even the most insignificant situation;

how to learn to ask for help if you are used to “doing everything by yourself”. and overcome the fear of "being owed";

psychological tools for adaptation to complex stressful situations(moving to another country, starting a new job, divorce, etc.).

Answers to these and many other questions can be found in the Psychology Takeaway program with psychologist Pavel Zygmantovich and journalist Olga Kakshinskaya.

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Difficulties are normal. It's not okay to worry about them like that. For some reason, the concept has spread that difficulties are not good. Most people want instant gratification of their desires and needs, and any distance from this moment is bad. But trying to avoid hardships is an indicator of immaturity. People tend to overestimate the level of problems when they think about them. We believe that we will not face obstacles. But if we know that they will definitely be, we are sure that they will be intolerable.

Difficulties are a natural process of life, they temper and develop, because they allow you to get new experience. A person quickly adapts to changes in the environment. For three to four weeks without hot water a person gets used to it, develops his own rhythm, approach, settles down and lives. But such adaptation is possible on one condition: if there is no hot water anywhere else.

How to deal with bouts of self-destruction? For example, a person disrupts a diet. How to get out of this situation, be able to stop and abandon destructive behavior?

A person has a cognitive scheme in his head - an instruction on how to behave in any situation. Most people have strange cognitive circuits. The person considers himself bad, and bad people must be punished. Such a person feels guilty and wants to punish himself. It turns out that a person orders himself to atone for his own guilt. The human task is not to believe these thoughts.

People willingly believe in emotions and thoughts that come to mind easily. Given the amount of cognitive biases, the thoughts that enter our heads are not necessarily correct and reasonable. A person has a certain imaginary image of "I", which he does not correspond to.

Therefore, he considers his real image to be bad. But why? Because it falls short of the ideal look? Is it possible to see the certificate of that ideal image? On what basis is it considered ideal? But we do not dispute this idea, because it so easily came to our minds. Why does a person need a thought that leads to self-destruction if it does not help him and it is not true?

Don't believe that you are bad. Tell yourself that this idea is stupid. This is a curved cognitive schema that should not be used. Demand proof of your thoughts. For example, a businessman considers himself bad because he does not have his own plane and island. At the same time, during the crisis, his business grows. In reality, there is no confirmation of the idea that he is bad.

It turned out that at the age of 31, he did not save up for a plane for a day, did not even know its cost. Three weeks ago, he realized that he had no plane, so he was bad. He believes that he lacks discipline and efficiency, because out of 18 assigned tasks in a day, he manages to do only 17.5. This person has no reason to consider himself bad.

We have described one of the main mistakes of thinking. What else are there?

The very first mistake in thinking is generalization, or generalization. A person suffers inadequate progress in some area for his whole life. The second mistake is catastrophization, exaggeration of the problematic nature of the problem itself. The third mistake is black and white thinking. If something is not white, it is automatically considered black. A person can be perfect, very good, just good, satisfying, and the boundaries between these are blurred.

People are ruined by the credibility of these mistakes.

The girl writes that she concentrates on her mistakes and “sucks” for a long time how she should have done better. She does not notice the achievement. One negative comment about a project can undermine all the joy of a job well done on the entire project. How to learn to let go of annoying little things and forgive yourself for them?

This is generalization and catastrophization. Everything is achieved by hard training and exercise. You need to learn to challenge your own thoughts and not believe them.

When we take any action, it can be neutral, bring us closer to the intended results or distance us. The human body has the hormone dopamine, which provokes desire and anticipation, encouraging achievement and signaling error.

The girl makes a mistake, turns on catastrophization. Dopamine signals that this was a big mistake and must be properly remembered and understood. This is normal, it should be so. The brain spontaneously analyzes the error in order to prevent it from happening again.

The military regularly does "debriefing," as they call it. In fact, this is an analysis of what happened. It is useful for a person to borrow this experience, write down mistakes and draw conclusions.

Writing allows you to structure and consolidate in your head. The constant erasure of mistakes in my head is not remembered. For it to take hold, you need to say it to yourself 500 times or write it down once.

You can also prepare for failure, think over a plan. Some people think that this can cause trouble, but this does not happen. It doesn't matter if you close your eyes to possible problem or thought it over, the probability of its occurrence does not change from this. It is better to think over the problem and be prepared for it. Otherwise, if bad happens, they will not be ready for it and this will be a serious blow for them.

A person has filters in his head - selective attention. We really do not see the whole situation, but select some moments from it, without thinking whether the filter is reasonable. If you test your own thoughts and prove them correct, the conviction that you are bad will gradually weaken.

There is an exercise called "Old friend". When the concept knocks on you again that you hate yourself, or you are told that there is a mistake in the project, and you begin to think that, as usual, everything messed up, treat it like an old friend. Tell her: “Hello! I know. Now you will start to tell me how unprofessional I am, that I can’t do anything, that I need to change my profession. I've heard it all before. " A moment of detachment deprives such thoughts of power. This exercise is mastered quickly enough. 15-20 reps is not a bad skill.

The habit of reproaching yourself and catastrophizing everything will not disappear altogether, but it will manifest itself much less often. When a person feels bad, painful, sad, thoughts of his own worthlessness come to mind. Old cognitive schemas do not disappear anywhere; they are like old wallpaper being pasted on layer by layer. If you pick it well, the newspapers of the Soviet era are still there.

“At the slightest stressful situation it is difficult for me to pull myself together. I can start to blush, say nonsense, my heart is beating wildly, I can’t concentrate. I am almost in a light-headed state. This can happen even if I am completely confident in myself and nothing important is happening. How do you learn to cope with such situations and control your emotions? "

First of all, don't worry about worrying. A person thinks: “You can't do that, you have to be collected. And if I'm worried, then I'm not good enough. " Any excitement is nothing more than a reaction of the organism of a mobilization nature. This is a serious enough event and unforeseen events may occur. The body needs to be prepared. Blood flows to the main organs responsible for survival: muscles, eyes and brain. In this case, blood flows from the main organs that are not directly involved in survival: from the gastrointestinal tract and vocal cords, saliva disappears and dries in the mouth. The body is trying to protect you.

A person is simply preparing for an important event for himself, and there may be some surprises in him, for which one must be prepared.

How to learn to ask for help if no one has taught you how to do it?

Most likely, everything is spoiled by the fear of being owed: “I am now going to ask a person for help and I will have to. And then they will ask me about something that I cannot or will not want to do. " But is there any evidence for this claim? Let's say you move and you don't have money for movers. I would like to ask friends for help. What can they ask for in return for their help? Ask for a loan of $ 300 million, a kidney? Most likely, they will ask for about the same thing you asked for. And what's wrong with being owed?

What are the tools for adapting to stressful situations in psychology? For example, moving to another country or starting a new job in a new field.

First you need to think about what might happen. Cognitive rehearsal for different situations is a good way to prepare. A person comes to another country. He understands that it will be difficult. Culture shock and adaptation period takes 5 years. It is necessary to come up with a plan B: "It will not work - I will return home."

Another point is the search for new meanings. For example, a person has retired. He worked for a long time, and then his social significance dropped, he became unnecessary. You can find yourself new meaning: do business that does not require large investments, become a civic activist, create a homeowners' association in the house. Any activity saves a person from current problems.

Most businesses close in their first year of operation. At this moment, you might think that the entrepreneur of such a business is a mediocre person. But you can give what happened a new meaning: he received a new experience and knows what not to do. Now he can start a second business.

Can Fortitude Be Learned?

This quality is partly innate, but mostly acquired. There is a concept of frustration tolerance - resistance to failure. The person stops getting hysterical after every failure.

The main strategy for overcoming stress is drinking, seizing, flirting, serializing. But they don't work. There is also a good discussion strategy. In the process of discussion, new meanings may appear, plans may be born. But the best strategy is to be active. It can be creative activity - singing, embroidery, dancing. Physical activity is movement. Creative activity - to think over some things, plan, call someone and negotiate.

Lying in front of the TV, eating the tenth pack of ice cream is bad. This gives rise to the thought: “I have not coped with the diet. What the heck? Now I will eat, I am fat anyway. " If a person feels bad, it is better to put off the ice cream and take a walk. This will be a much more effective way of coping with the situation than drinking alcohol, eating and watching TV. Half an hour walk drastically reduces the emotional intensity.

What are the people who are not afraid of anything called? Maybe daredevils? Or extremely self-confident? And do such individuals really exist? It is natural for a person to feel fear, there is nothing strange and reprehensible in this. When people around them say the common phrase that there is nothing to be afraid of, they do not really understand what they are talking about. Our relatives and friends are often cunning, because they themselves do not always have only a happy mood. It is impossible to completely protect yourself from negative impressions, even if they really interfere with fully existing, in some way destroy the personality.

Otherwise, we would become robots that react to everything that happens with an equally strained smile. But in such a gesture there will be no life, no joy, because the very position of feeling only satisfaction is insincere! You can get rid of an all-consuming fear only through fruitful work on yourself. This is what will be discussed in this article.

The nature of fear

Why is a person afraid of something? Most often, this feeling arises when we are faced with something unknown. The psyche habitually reacts with fear, because it does not have a suitable model of behavior in its arsenal. This emotion often makes them aggravate the situation even more, look for the guilty ones. Fear is felt as a chilling tension in the body, general mental discomfort and anxiety. Each human emotion has its own individual purpose. Fear fulfills protective function: Protects us from the intrusion of a traumatic event or feeling.

Otherwise, the boundaries between comfort and life-threatening dangers would be blurred. There is no such person who does not feel a sense of fear at all. We need to think not about how not to be afraid of anything, but about how to learn how to independently minimize the destructive effect of an unpleasant emotion. Not letting fear take over your soul means acquiring the ability to remain free in any situation.

Overcoming fear

Anything can happen in life: the loss of a job, a quarrel with a loved one, an unexpected event that will turn any idea of ​​the world upside down. All this cannot but traumatize our inner being. The emotional state begins to suffer in the first place: obsessive thoughts about a possible unfavorable development of events appear, tremors in the body, distrust of others. How to overcome fear? Quite simple but effective methods will help.

Event analysis

Reflections on life contribute to the answer to the question: how not to be afraid of anything? It is necessary not only to think about what happened, but to analyze the situation in detail. Why did this happen to you? Have similar events happened before? How did you feel? With a little research, you will most likely find that fears are far-fetched.

Your fear is the result negative experience received in childhood and adolescence. Conversations with spiritually developed people, confidential conversations. Indeed, in most cases, a person simply needs the attention and support of others. Misunderstanding and loneliness only undermine strength, interfere with personal growth.

Meditation

Today, probably, no one is surprised by spiritual practices aimed at strengthening emotional balance. Even the physical condition improves through meditation. In addition, consciousness opens, an understanding comes of how to behave with people in order to live in harmony with everything that happens. Meditation helps to build faith in yourself and your abilities. How not to be afraid of anything? Just start doing spiritual practice - and soon you will see a satisfactory result, which will surely please.

Meditations lead to the opening of all chakras, the inner nature of a person. Such an activity not only helps to cope with fear, but also neutralizes the destructive effect of all negative emotions. You will feel like a different person: cheerful, optimistic, worthy of all kinds of victories.

Intimate talk

Following a dream

Setting achievable goals and rejoicing in achieving them is the best medicine for all fear. How to learn not to be afraid of anything? Direct all efforts into the sphere of your dreams. This is the only way to defeat the all-consuming fear of being not up to par or unsuccessful. Personal victories are incredibly motivating, leading forward, liberating, tempering character. In this u successful people and the main secret is concluded. "Do not be afraid" - this phrase becomes their inner motto, thanks to which they achieve everything they want.

Why does following your dream help you cope with fear? The fact is that all sorts of inner doubts limit our ability to think sanely and reason. When we conquer them in ourselves, fear also rapidly recedes. The sphere of dreams always inspires a person to new achievements, teaches her to act quickly, does not give time to dwell on existing problems.

Harmony with yourself

A person who is constantly afraid of something is highly susceptible to stress. A nervous emotional state can eventually lead to psychophysical disorders, significant disruptions in the work of the whole organism. To get rid of constant worries, you need to carefully work through existing limiting beliefs. What does it mean? Allow yourself to find freedom, those very inner wings that will help you strive for great achievements. As incredible as your goals seem now, you can achieve them if you believe that they are truly achievable. Coping with fear is not easy, but you have to keep fighting. One day you will realize that you have become so confident that you will overcome any obstacles.

Thus, overcoming all fear begins with systematic work with your character. Then you will feel that you can hold the whole universe in the palm of your hand.

Before we start discussing the issue of how to overcome difficulties in life, let's define the concept of difficulties, conditionally divide them into categories. What do you consider to be difficulties?

It's no secret that different people treat the same circumstances in different ways. It is the attitude towards external factors often determines whether a person overcomes difficulties easily. They can be conditionally divided into:

1. Circumstances that seriously complicate life: job loss, financial hardship, debt. Perhaps the property was stolen, the house burned down, money was stolen. Serious health problems, serious illness. Natural disasters, catastrophes and other life cataclysms;
2. Quarrels with relatives, loved ones, misunderstanding of fathers and children: unruly children, inadequate parents. Divorce, betrayal of a spouse, death of a loved one. Any dysfunctional relationships with people who are dear and close;
3. Internal problems: internal conflicts associated with transitional age (adolescence, crises 30, 40, etc. years). Various unresolved problems of interpersonal communication, provoking the development of a sense of their own inferiority, low significance. Lack of a kind, loving attitude towards yourself. Inability to love yourself, a feeling of loneliness, worthlessness;
4. Various minor troubles. It happens that little things accumulate, creating the feeling of a "black streak".

How do you feel about the daily troubles that arise? Do you think that the whole world has taken up arms against you, constantly raining more and more problems on your head? If there is a feeling of being cornered, you should definitely work on your attitude towards external circumstances.

To successfully overcome difficulties, control your emotions!

First of all, ask yourself how you feel when you hear about a new problem. Feelings of fear, helplessness, doom, or calm confidence that it can be fixed? It is very important: overcoming difficult situations, remain calm, calm, sobriety. How can this be achieved?

In one day of self-hypnosis, nothing will change. However, constant monitoring of your thoughts for three weeks will lead to a change in the thinking pattern. It has been proven that the course of our thoughts is due to chemical processes in the cells of the brain. The "path" that thoughts passed most often is fixed in the memory.

At first, you will have to make an effort not to succumb to previous negative emotions. However, as you make the effort every day, make sure to change your negative thinking to a positive one!

Making Difficulties Easy

I'll tell you a parable: once a poor Jew came to the rabbi for advice. He complained that he was so poor that he had nothing to feed his children, although he worked tirelessly all day. The poor wife is sick and unable to help him with the housekeeping. Children are naughty. And their house is already threatened to be taken for debts. What should I do, the poor man asked. After all, I fulfill all the covenants of God, I bring donations and offer prayers, why doesn't God help me?

The rabbi listened to the mournful speech, silently retired to the next room and returned with a sign in his hands. There he wrote the following words: "It will not always be this way." Hang this inscription in the most conspicuous place, repeat it whenever you want to complain about your fate. The poor man thanked for the advice and went home with a sign in his hands.

A year later, the rabbi wanted to know how the poor man lived. It turned out that he bought a house in a rich city, owned vast lands, fertile vineyards, innumerable flocks of sheep. This man became very respected, and his daughters were taken as wives by the noble inhabitants of that city.

The envious rabbi got angry. Arriving home, he took a new wooden plaque, wrote on it the same words: "It will not always be this way" and hung it in the most prominent place of his house.

The essence of a simple attitude to any problem is as follows:

There are really difficult situations in life, deep grief, when we lose loved ones, ability to work, our health, property. Then use these tips:

1. Repeat to yourself: "I will overcome this!" Ask God for help. If you do not believe in God, ask the Universe for strength. These forces will come, rest assured! We attract what we think about. Asking the world for strength, you will certainly receive it.
2. Ask for help from loved ones if you feel that you are not coping with the situation. Often human participation fills the soul with new strength, relieves stress, negative emotions go away;
3. Choose the right thoughts: those that create, not destroy. There will always be sun after the storm.

Mental techniques for overcoming difficulties

Any thought about difficulties can be answered as follows:

1. This will not always be the case (it will pass, end, pass);
2. I'll get over it;
3. I can handle it;
4. So what?

For example:

• I earn little. Answer: it won't always be this way!
• I have no other half. This will not always be the case!
• I am very sick, I can not walk. I can handle it!
• a meteorite fell on my house. So what? I will build a new one!

I hope my advice on how to overcome difficulties in life was useful to you. Be happy, let any adversity in life turn only into a useful experience.